To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

An acquaintance of mine did this recently, accompanied by a load of stuff about how empowered she feels having finally healed herself and not caring anymore about what people think. Then posted an 'arty' pic of her and her boobs in very revealing underwear on Facebook. There was no warning. I was happily scrolling through while eating my breakfast. My eyes, my eyes! Sadly I can't now unsee what I've seen. I've known her for 30 years and now have an image of her tits in corsetry indelibly imprinted in my brain which I did not want or need to see. It's completely different from seeing people I don't know in their lingerie on social media. Keep your lovely photos for yourself and enjoy them, don't push them out onto other people who may not be receptive to them. You can't undo it once it's out there.

Does your friend make an income from her photos and videos though? If she does (and she'd be stupid not to if she has 2 million followers) that's very different to having done a solitary boudoir shoot.

I actually find it more empowering having pictures posted of me without filters or makeup where I don’t give a crap what I look like. If underwear shots were so empowering why are all the people in power not posting them? Sunak? Biden? Anyone? Is it because men haven’t been objectified to the point where they now self objectify?

True validation comes from within and it’s about much more than a snapshot in time. When it comes down to it OP the only person approval you need is your own not random social media likes.

If you choose to post I hope it brings you happiness.

It's a special form of gaslighting imo.

She also made a causal remark upthread implying that Page 3 girls and pornstars are tasteless, so this absolute word salad is pretty hypocritical.

Absolutely this!

Why do you want to put them on social media?

I personally wouldn't put any photos that are 'personal' to me on SM.

I’ve known a man who posed for photos in their underwear for “empowerment” which is a sure sign it’s not empowering.

I have similar photos taken by me of me and shared with my DH and no one else. I’ll keep them, I like how I look in them. I’m not sure I’m proud, but not ashamed either. But there is nothing good to be gained from me sharing them more widely.

I've always wanted to hide away and felt gross. I don't normally even wear swimwear to the beach. I'm so scared, I've always covered up.

It sounds like enjoying a beach holiday without covering up could be a lovely empowering moment that's just about you and how you feel about your body, OP.

If you've been miserable on holiday before because of your body confidence, then it would seem that this is the real hurdle to overcome, as opposed to some professionally-curated photos by someone whose job it is to make people look good for the camera.

So you ask AIBU? You're resoundingly told yes, so you do it anyway... Which is fine, but why ask if you were hell bent on doing it anyway?

It is fairly obvious you're looking for likes, which again is fine, but bear in mind that many people (me included) will scroll past at yet another "I'm so empowered" underwear photoshoot. The standard blurb about how it's made you feel more confident and that's why you're posting it is less likely to make people react too. It's been done to death.

So why put a post on here at all? you’re obviously just going to go ahead and do it which is totally your choice. Why ask peoples opinions if you don’t want to hear them?

OP, many of us NEVER post on social media because we don't need validation. And why would you ask mumsnet if you've already made your mind up? People will laugh at you unfortunately. I don't want to make assumptions but are you not that well educated/in a manual (or secretarial) job?

I admire you for feeling confident enough to post, but I wouldn't. Someone will get hold of them and circulate to pervy blokes eventually.
If it is there, it will last for ever.

The arts industries are full of fucked up people who want fame to feel validated, yes. There are a few genuine talents like Ed Sheeran who just do it for the music or an actor like Keanu Reeves, but there are many who go into that industry exactly for adulation and validation and find sadly, it only makes their self image worse.

To be honest OP, the more you post, the less you seem to be the wallflower lacking in confidence you claim to be. You know what you want to do, do do it. You were clearly looking for validation here, which you didn't get, so post your pics and I hope you find the validation you clearly need from Instagram 👍

No one wants to see their "friends" in burlesque underwear photos on their social media feed.

*so

Do you live in a town beginning with H by any chance??

I wouldn't. I think it's fantastic that they made you feel so good about yourself but there really is no need to share them. You'll simply be fishing for compliments. Even if people say you look great they'll secretly be thinking "What an attention seeker. Put it away!"

@Junglejane8 This post didn't go the way you wanted did it?
So you are digging your heels in and going for it anyway because SM does not equal validation in this instance according to you
So go ahead, do what you will; however, I wouldn't come back here for advice in the future because clearly you don't like the responses you get
And at the end of the day, boudoir shots are tacky, even if you don't think they are - Victorian end-of-the-pier amusements

This.

Ask yourself why you really want to post these photos. However much you bleat about how "empowered" you feel, it's really about wanting validation from others that you look beautiful or that men want to shag you. The photos made you feel great and that should be enough. That is true female empowerment and validation - to feel truly happy and content with yourself and not care what others think.

Would you consider setting up a separate blog/Instagram account to share these pictures and connect with other likeminded people who are encouraging self love / body positivity?

My concern about you sharing it on your general SM is that people don't always respond or receive the message that you're trying to portray the way you expect.

You may receive some negativity (which could set you back and undo all of your hard work)

Well done for what you've achieved, it's not easy to love yourself these days. X

Women should absolutely be able to dress how they please and freely. But 'most feminists I know' are aware that the type of clothes that men like to see women wearing, and the things women left entirely to their own devices would choose are often two different things.
When women 'wear what they like' and that just happens to be exactly the same as what fuels men's fantasies, its not a genuine choice it's a manipulated one. If you understand that, and are still happy to go along with it, that is entirely your decision, and other women shouldn't judge you for that, as we all navigate the sexist world we live in the best we can.
But truly, the day posing in underwear got confused with female empowerment was a very happy day for men indeed.

I feel like a good rule of thumb for situations like this is - would you have done it before social media? So, if you had these pics, would you have been taking them out and showing them to people at work, your family, acquaintances?

I know it's overly simplistic, because social media exists as a huge part of our lives now... But it's not been around for that long, relatively speaking. Sometimes I think if we re-frame behaviour that's seen as quite normal in these terms, it actually starts to seem bonkers!

Well OP, in the end it's your call. You asked for opinions, you got them and they don't matter to you, so any negative response around posting your photos will be like water off a duck's back. I still don't think posting staged photos of yourself in your undercrackers is empowering though.

I'd be less worried about the gross men, which you can easily ignore, and more worried about the horrible comments you might get (if your profile is public), which are harder to ignore.

I have a public Instagram and I used to be much bigger. I had a completely random person post something negative on a photo of me in a bridesmaid dress.

People are cunts, and I'd be worried about exposing yourself to bullies, especially as you feel so good about the photos - I'd hate for that to be ruined for you.

Its so sad that women feel 'empowered' by posting photos of the way they look. Will you find old age disempowering, or will you have to work to find a way to make that empowering?
What does empowering even mean? If you feel disempowered in everyday life its not because of your looks. It really isn't.