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Original poster

To post lingerie shots on my social media..

953 replies

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:35

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

OP posts:
Original poster
Junglejane8 · 27/02/2023 09:06

Ok, I'm not going to lie the comments on here are making me want to post them more.. because so many people are so judgy about it being about seeking validation, desperation etc. It's really not. I feel like I want to post them. It would make me feel good. I don't really care, the more about it, what anyone thinks. Which is empowering actually.
I'm finding this thread such an interesting read. Everyone saying it's vain, asking inevitably for men's sexual approval etc. It actually reminds me of when when who dress skantily are blamed as 'asking for it' as victims of sexual harrassment or rape. Most feminists I know argue women should be able to dress how they choose freely, without judgement. Should we not also, as women, have the freedom of choice of how we represent ourselves on Social Media.
Everyone saying it's 'for validation', 'for validation'... Is not posting in social media in any capacity, in any context, arguably FOR VALIDATION. Whether it's pics of your home, a nice walk you've been on, your family, your friends. I sure as hell don't post these type of images for validation of others, and sharing these photoshoot images isn't either. It's just because I want to. However if your all gonna argue it's about validation I'm gonna damn well argue right back that technically anything you post on social media can be deemed as 'seeking validation'. Maybe not validation about being attractive, but certainly that your life conforms to a happy, ideal image of societal bliss.
My next thought, so are celebs etc also desperate, vain, seeking validation? Is every woman that's ever posted anything that can be deemed sexual only ever done so out of desperation? Is Beyonce desperate to be validated? I'm genuinely confused on this point.
Also a lot of you have alluded to be looking a certain way or being of a certain age - mid-life crisis, being compared to Aunt Jane etc... And that making it cringe-worthy. If I was younger and what society is deemed as 'beautiful' are you saying it would be ok?
A lot of you I don't understand. I do feel more empowered because I'm realizing I don't give that much of a damn what a lot of you think and I'm gonna post them anyway.

OP posts:
ZoyaTheDestroyer · 27/02/2023 09:08

If you are truly committed to improving your self-esteem you will wean yourself off social media altogether until you are more resilient. Your question about whether posting the photos would be 'shameful' suggests to me that you have some work to do to unpick how you feel about yourself, and your body. I don't think it would be a good idea to post these images right now.

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 27/02/2023 09:09

Junglejane8 · 27/02/2023 09:06

Ok, I'm not going to lie the comments on here are making me want to post them more.. because so many people are so judgy about it being about seeking validation, desperation etc. It's really not. I feel like I want to post them. It would make me feel good. I don't really care, the more about it, what anyone thinks. Which is empowering actually.
I'm finding this thread such an interesting read. Everyone saying it's vain, asking inevitably for men's sexual approval etc. It actually reminds me of when when who dress skantily are blamed as 'asking for it' as victims of sexual harrassment or rape. Most feminists I know argue women should be able to dress how they choose freely, without judgement. Should we not also, as women, have the freedom of choice of how we represent ourselves on Social Media.
Everyone saying it's 'for validation', 'for validation'... Is not posting in social media in any capacity, in any context, arguably FOR VALIDATION. Whether it's pics of your home, a nice walk you've been on, your family, your friends. I sure as hell don't post these type of images for validation of others, and sharing these photoshoot images isn't either. It's just because I want to. However if your all gonna argue it's about validation I'm gonna damn well argue right back that technically anything you post on social media can be deemed as 'seeking validation'. Maybe not validation about being attractive, but certainly that your life conforms to a happy, ideal image of societal bliss.
My next thought, so are celebs etc also desperate, vain, seeking validation? Is every woman that's ever posted anything that can be deemed sexual only ever done so out of desperation? Is Beyonce desperate to be validated? I'm genuinely confused on this point.
Also a lot of you have alluded to be looking a certain way or being of a certain age - mid-life crisis, being compared to Aunt Jane etc... And that making it cringe-worthy. If I was younger and what society is deemed as 'beautiful' are you saying it would be ok?
A lot of you I don't understand. I do feel more empowered because I'm realizing I don't give that much of a damn what a lot of you think and I'm gonna post them anyway.

Cross-post with this.

Crack on then love.

Youwhatnowbiggles · 27/02/2023 09:09

So sad - yet another example of how vain and shallow society has become - women are being brainwashed into thinking posing in their underwear is empowering, if this is all they have to do to feel ‘proud’ why bother educating them or anything else for tat matter🤦🏼‍♀️

Emmamoo89 · 27/02/2023 09:11

Personally I wouldn't post pics like that on SM

Schnooze · 27/02/2023 09:11

My next thought, so are celebs etc also desperate, vain, seeking validation

Actually yes if they are in their underwear.

mincedtart · 27/02/2023 09:12

Junglejane8 · 27/02/2023 09:06

Ok, I'm not going to lie the comments on here are making me want to post them more.. because so many people are so judgy about it being about seeking validation, desperation etc. It's really not. I feel like I want to post them. It would make me feel good. I don't really care, the more about it, what anyone thinks. Which is empowering actually.
I'm finding this thread such an interesting read. Everyone saying it's vain, asking inevitably for men's sexual approval etc. It actually reminds me of when when who dress skantily are blamed as 'asking for it' as victims of sexual harrassment or rape. Most feminists I know argue women should be able to dress how they choose freely, without judgement. Should we not also, as women, have the freedom of choice of how we represent ourselves on Social Media.
Everyone saying it's 'for validation', 'for validation'... Is not posting in social media in any capacity, in any context, arguably FOR VALIDATION. Whether it's pics of your home, a nice walk you've been on, your family, your friends. I sure as hell don't post these type of images for validation of others, and sharing these photoshoot images isn't either. It's just because I want to. However if your all gonna argue it's about validation I'm gonna damn well argue right back that technically anything you post on social media can be deemed as 'seeking validation'. Maybe not validation about being attractive, but certainly that your life conforms to a happy, ideal image of societal bliss.
My next thought, so are celebs etc also desperate, vain, seeking validation? Is every woman that's ever posted anything that can be deemed sexual only ever done so out of desperation? Is Beyonce desperate to be validated? I'm genuinely confused on this point.
Also a lot of you have alluded to be looking a certain way or being of a certain age - mid-life crisis, being compared to Aunt Jane etc... And that making it cringe-worthy. If I was younger and what society is deemed as 'beautiful' are you saying it would be ok?
A lot of you I don't understand. I do feel more empowered because I'm realizing I don't give that much of a damn what a lot of you think and I'm gonna post them anyway.

You lost me at comparing yourself to victims of sexual harassment (?!)

Enjoy the likes.

HaroldsHoodie · 27/02/2023 09:13

Okay, you’re free to post them of course! I hope it does what you want it to do. This obviously really matters to you so do it and don’t pay any attention to what anyone says.

I rescind my advice which was given genuinely and without judgement.

One little note, though. Feminism (in my book, anyway) really is not all about women doing whatever they want without judgement.

BellePeppa · 27/02/2023 09:13

dworky · 27/02/2023 08:46

Sexually objecting yourself is never empowering.
If it were, men would be doing it in their droves!

I always find it so weird (and very annoying) that female singers constantly get their kit out because it’s ‘empowering’ yet one of the biggest male stars in the world - Ed Sheeran - fills stadiums wearing jeans, a checked shirt and a guitar. Even Harry Styles, despite his flamboyant style, keeps his kit on, we don’t see him running about with his bits hanging out (at least I hope not!).

C4tastrophe · 27/02/2023 09:14

You go gurl!
If you’ve got it, flaunt it!
What’s the worst that could happen?

Benes · 27/02/2023 09:17

I've had photo shoots like this and have done other quite risqué things that have given me a huge amount of confidence and I've found them very empowering BUT not a chance I'd post them on social media.

Once they're out there they are out there forever and my family, son, friends or work colleagues don't need to see them.

Like it or not, some sectors will frown upon this and it has the potential to harm your career.

Maybe just share them with someone you trust and enjoy your new found confidence.

ShepherdMoons · 27/02/2023 09:17

I don't think you should put the photos on social media, I just think it would be inappropriate whatever the situation.

Could you have an alternative photoshoot where you are just dressed up (not underwear shots)? I think something like that would be okay and maybe just use those pics for your profile photos.

highfidelity · 27/02/2023 09:18

You clearly want to post your pictures, so why the hell are you asking a bunch of online strangers for their opinion knowing that the majority will tell you not to.

You know what you want to do, so crack on with it.

Whydoitry · 27/02/2023 09:18

I had a boudoir shoot which people I meet wouldn't think is something I'd do. I loved the photos! I felt so sexy!

I really wanted to post one photo on social media. I look like a model and the photo isn't actually very revealing.

I decided against it in the end because I didn't like the thought that once it's online you lose control with how the image is used.

I do have a huge print out on the bedroom wall though!

If a friend posted, I'd admire the photo but would think making it public was a bit risky and hope they'd thought it through.

SparkleSpangle · 27/02/2023 09:19

OP: Shall I post pics of me in my pants on social media
Everyone: No, it will make you look like a self centered, vacuous, narcissist.
OP: Yeah, I'm gonna do it anyway because my pants are empowering.
Everyone: No, seriously, you have been made to think this is empowering by men who would like to see your pants
OP: PANTS POWER!

Calphurnia88 · 27/02/2023 09:19

By virtue of the fact you've asked for second opinions from Mumsnet, I'm included to think this would be a bad idea.

Whether or not they should, some people will judge you negatively for this. And you need to be comfortable with that, which I don't think you are.

They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies.

Yet here you are judging Page 3 girls and pornstars, because they're not the right brand of female empowerment.

CanofCant · 27/02/2023 09:19

Post them here. I want to see them.

pinkdelight · 27/02/2023 09:19

Okay so you obviously wanted everyone to say 'you go girl!' and now they haven't you're blanking it all and showing how empowered you are by posting the pictures.

Which is the same kind of behaviour as the hiding away hating your body, just the other extreme. What people are saying is that on balance this isn't a wise move. Most balanced people wouldn't do it. And no, celebrities are absolutely not well-balanced people and they do suffer for it, even Beyoncé. Though she has a toughness about her to deal with it. Do you? It doesn't sound like it from how you've been in the past. You say you don't care what people think but clearly you have done, a lot, and it wouldn't take a lot to set you back. This reminds me of the people who go on Naked Attraction to prove something to themselves. Maybe it works. But it's a big risk and there are better ways to deal with your issues.

Maireas · 27/02/2023 09:21

CanofCant · 27/02/2023 09:19

Post them here. I want to see them.

Yes, that's an interesting idea.
Would that be empowering?

Original poster
Junglejane8 · 27/02/2023 09:21

SparkleSpangle · 27/02/2023 09:19

OP: Shall I post pics of me in my pants on social media
Everyone: No, it will make you look like a self centered, vacuous, narcissist.
OP: Yeah, I'm gonna do it anyway because my pants are empowering.
Everyone: No, seriously, you have been made to think this is empowering by men who would like to see your pants
OP: PANTS POWER!

Ahh this actually made me laugh! Thanks @SparkleSpangle

OP posts:
TessoftheDubonnet · 27/02/2023 09:22

highfidelity · 27/02/2023 09:18

You clearly want to post your pictures, so why the hell are you asking a bunch of online strangers for their opinion knowing that the majority will tell you not to.

You know what you want to do, so crack on with it.

And deal with the fallout...

buttercupboots · 27/02/2023 09:22

Why are you wanting to post them? What are you seeking to achieve? You've said "because I want to" and pushed away ideas of validation and vanity but let's be real: you've suffered with low self esteem and now you've got pics of you in your underwear where you think you look lovely and you want to post them - that is vanity.

If you want the world to see the real you and be empowered to celebrate who you really are, take a photo in your bra and knickers this morning and post it on your instagram. Don't post photos where you're potentially edited to high heaven, hidden by shadows etc. because really who is that celebrating/empowering?

You will be judged (rightly or wrongly), people will think it's cringey, and people will gossip about it because that's what people do when women they know randomly start getting half naked and posting the photos on Instagram, whether it's an 18 year old girl or the 50 year old lollipop lady!

Paperexcelandpens · 27/02/2023 09:23

Op I really hope you're not one of my friends. Not sure I dare open Instagram for a while now in case I see one of my friends, family or colleagues in underwear in funny poses.

Bearonthestair · 27/02/2023 09:25

Crack on so. We don't know you ,we don't live your life. You asked for opinions and got many. Some from people in the industry with experience of this.
Comparing your situation to rape survivors is disgusting and clutching at straws for your own validation and to fit your own narrative. You do you. Hun.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 27/02/2023 09:25

Part of working on self esteem is working on not seeking validation from others. You enjoyed the photo shoot and you like your photos. That’s enough. Do not train yourself to base your self esteem on the “likes” of others

Perfectly put

Empowerment means it's completely up to you, OP, but then so is dealing with any unwanted consequences - a point worth remembering if assertiveness skills have come to you fairly recently