To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

Personally I think it's a bad idea

If you don't get many likes or if someone makes a negative comment you'll be focusing on that instead of any positives

No. You are seeking compliments from others. You need to carry on working on yourself. It's cringy. Please don't

Spot on.

Oh this is going to sound awful but you did ask...

You say you're worried it would come across as vain and attention seeking. That's because it is though. Have a think about your motives about why you want to do it and be honest. More than likely it is because you want people to say wow you look great etc etc.

If this is the case just do it but don't lie to yourself that it's about empowerment. Seeking validation from outside sources isn't empowerment.

Ps I'm sure you look great in them!

God, no. And no again.

Female empowerment has nothing to do with putting pictures of yourself in your underwear on the internet.

Again: no.

Sexually objecting yourself is never empowering.
If it were, men would be doing it in their droves!

You will be judged as a tart by many. Is that what you want?

Absolutely this. The Internet is forever. Those pics could end up anywhere and with anyone.

You also sign over ownership when you post on social media.

That's leaving aside whether it's empowering or not.

I am reminded of Caitlin Moran's comments to her daughters on female empowerment in the music industry: 'Look at Rihanna: She's one of the biggest pop stars in the world. She's really famous, really powerful, really rich. Yet in every single video she can only wear panties. Poor Rihanna! We'll know when she is properly powerful and successful when we see her in a lovely cardigan.'

The thing is, as soon as you put them online, you're risking those photos being misused. Not necessarily as they are, but they could be manipulated to perhaps show more than you wanted to and/or to be transposed with other photographs.

I'm sure you feel confident looking at those gorgeous photos of yourself in their current format. But what if someone changed those photos? How would you feel? Personally, I would feel violated and upset, but maybe your self-confidence is higher than mine. As much as I get a boost from knowing that a man finds me attractive, I would not feel good if an edited photo of me ended up on a porn site for some randomer to wank over.

As has been said, part of improving your self-confidence is not accept validation from others. That means being able to look at those photos and know unequivocally that your body is great without anyone else seeing those photos and agreeing.

PS I'm not taking away from the shots at all. I bet you really do look amazing in them. But as powerful and brilliant as they are, they are only for you.

I can see why you love them. I would too. But keep them for yourself and show good friends them. I’d love to see that from an unconfident friend, but not so much on social media.

I love the idea of a cropped headshot on social media if it’s suitable. And I love the idea of asking your photographer friend to do a clothed shoot too. A photo book would be a great idea for posterity.

@Junglejane8

It sounds like your photos have been great for you - made you feel brilliant about yourself and empowering - fantastic.

The problem with photos on social media is you get none of that context. They will just see a woman in burlesque and have an opinion on that - be it positive or negative. That is why is why I wouldn't be posting them to social media.

I wouldn't judge her as a tart, I'd judge her as cringe and probably sigh internally.

Absolutely. If you're resilient enough to take the negative alongside the positive, to know what some people will be thinking, and genuinely not let that knock you; to accept that what you're seeing isn't what you see in the mirror or what other people see day to day, so won't alter their, or your own, perception of how attractive you are really, but are confident enough to remain happy with yourself anyway; then yes, it could be fun.
The OP doesn't sound like she's that person though. If she's looking to do this for her self esteem, I think she's backing the wrong horse personally.

Agree with the majority — posting these will make you more vulnerable, not empowered. It will expose how desperate you are for validation.

It won’t feel as good as you think it will.

I take no issue in anyone posting a candid bikini shot,of them on holiday having fun or relaxing.

this is a very different animal to posing in your underwear. There is nothing empowering about women getting their kit off for validation.

if I saw it, especially the cringe burlesque ones, I’d feel bad for you.

you need to work more on your self esteem, I hope you can get to a place where validation from others is not key for you and that you no longer feel it’s empowering if a woman gets her clothes off.

I wouldn't. When i see these sorts of posts I cringe myself inside out. Keep them for yourself, your partner or even your own walls, but anyone else doens't want to see them.

I actually think that's a good reason to do it. Misogynists deserve to be defied and since they love doing their judging anyway, it's a win-win situation.

Haven’t RTFT so I’m sure it’s been covered.

My advice to you is, posting the photos is asking for others’ permission to feel good about yourself/trying to prove to them that you’re good enough. Don’t do that. You took those photos for YOU not for other people. Don’t beg for validation.

When I see photos like this on peoples profiles it just makes me cringe. I can never see how good they look because of the cringe factor. Always makes me think they’re trying a little too hard

If a private photo shoot with someone you trust would help you feel more empowered and better about yourself, that's one thing. People have different views on what makes them feel positive about themselves.

But seriously do not put the images online.

Once something's online, even if you think it's 'private', it's very difficult to ensure it stays secure. Never post something identifiable online that you wouldn't be ok with a potential employer seeing.

There are unpleasant people out there as well, who take and manipulate images to create more graphic, even pornographic images. Having your image added to someone's spank bank would be the opposite of empowering imo.

If I didn’t know you well, I’d probably think nice photos but she doesn’t really look like that, then get on with my day.
Or
If I cared about you then I’d feel a bit sorry for you, as again, I’d know you really don’t normally look like that and I’d assume you put them up precisely because you have low self esteem and they are amazing photos. So whilst I might like the photos, to me it’s shouting loud and clear you’ve got self confidence issues. Completely the opposite to why you are thinking of posting them.

As a good friend I’d want to see them - but privately and not online.

I would assume you're rather desperate and attention seeking.
I don't want to see anyone's 'tasteful' photos of them posing in their underwear.
It would make me think less of a friendship if someone did this to be perfectly honest.
It is not female empowerment to give men photos to wank over. It is something said to make women feel good about being desperate/ seeking attention. Nor is it empowering to have these photos saved, shared, laughed about. You'll absolutely regret putting them up.

Sorry but I would not see this as empowerment, women often say how men are always looking at photos of women with little to no clothing on and how disgusting it is but the women aren’t sharing them for their grannies to look at, it’s for a targeted audience. I saw a video recently of a woman who was sexually abused by her husband and FIL (religious forced marriage) and she now speaks out openly for women’s rights, that’s empowerment.

Whenever women (whether celebrities or not) flaunt themselves nearly naked it makes me think, there are horrible, creepy men salivating (and wnking) over your pictures, fantasising they’re fcking you (🤢) but I’d bet the women are only imagining gorgeous, hot men fancying them. I’m no prude but anything like that has been for a partners eyes only, the idea of putting them out there for all and sundry (creeps) to see is repugnant to me.