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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To post lingerie shots on my social media..

953 replies

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:35

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 27/02/2023 07:32

It isnt about 'empowerment' though, is it. It is for the likes. You want the 'you go girl' comments etc. Which suggests you arent as far along as you think you are.

Terrible idea and tacky, sorry. Yabu.

BeautifulWar · 27/02/2023 07:32

And who does show off half naked? Putin.

A man with such low self esteem he had to invade a country to feel like a big man.

Absolutely true.

Why do people need to see you in your underwear, OP? How is it empowering for other people to think you're hot? The point of it was for you to feel good about yourself, not seek validation.

It does come across as cringey and attention seeking.

You do you - even more cringeworthy.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 07:32

There are some private groups for people to share body positive burlesque/boudoir/nude/sexy shots. Might be worth seeking those out.

I don't think there's anything morally wrong with doing it more publicly but it's true you don't know where they could end up and there are nasty people out there who would respond horribly no matter what the pics are like. Private groups are still a risk, of course, but a bit more mitigated.

ReneBumsWombats · 27/02/2023 07:41

ThepicofmyhairymingeprovesIamsober · 27/02/2023 07:22

I’ve never understood how flaunting your body to all and sundry is seen as empowering. I see it as the the very opposite and find it sad that women have been conditioned into thinking that the only way to feel good about themselves is to get their tits and arsed out.

I like the username that goes with this post.

Zone2NorthLondon · 27/02/2023 07:42

How many men post “tasteful” pictures themselves in their chuds feeling empowered
Its a tired and fetishised trope, woman in underwear = empowered
One Be confident and empowered globally, not just in a plunge bra with photos to prove it

Shitfather · 27/02/2023 07:44

You may well find that you still have low self-esteem after posting the shots. What will you do after to make yourself feel better? I’d be focusing on the roots of why you don’t like yourself. Posting shots online is a sticking poster. Also, how will you deal with any negative comments?

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/02/2023 07:47

@Beezknees

People who post nice comments but then laugh behind her back aren't good people, so personally I wouldn't give a fuck about what they think. Two faced and bitchy is a terrible trait, I'd judge someone like that far more than somebody posting underwear pics.

Yes of course but why would you voluntarily leave yourself open for people like this to hang you out to dry if you have really struggled with low self esteem?

Also this approach comes back to the question of why do it? What do you achieve and whom do you appeal to by posting underwear pictures on the internet? What goal is reached? If you genuinely don’t give a fuck what people think why do it at all?

SD1978 · 27/02/2023 07:48

I don't see why you are linking empowerment to bedroom shots to be honest. If you need public validation from social media, there's still a lot of work needed on your self esteem. You did this, you love the results (and that's great) but not everything has to be public ally available

DangerNoodles · 27/02/2023 07:48

Why do so many women think female empowerment = taking your clothes off? It's really sad.

1983Louise · 27/02/2023 07:48

I wouldn't it comes over as needy same as people who post pictures of themselves looking ill or on a hospital bed. How would you feel if no-one clicked like on your picture, would that affect your self-esteem. I'd keep them to yourself to enjoy and understand that you don't need friends comments to feel good about yourself 😊

maddening · 27/02/2023 07:49

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:44

@MumOf2workOptions what would a future employer care? They are very tasteful, not like page 3 / porny. I only ask as thinking about women's empowerment / freedom / rights why should we be defined and judged our careers for our own choices about our bodies..
I know like, employers seeing excessive drinking, drug abuse etc in socials is so inappropriate. But is this in the same category? Seems wrong. Honestly wasn't something I'd considered or even crossed my mind.

Men posting lingerie shots would also be judged in the same way - women posting sexy pics is not particularly empowering and the fact that women are encouraged to on the basis of female empowerment whilst men don't and yet we still have sexism and the gender pay gap etc is telling imo

ehb102 · 27/02/2023 07:52

It empowers you to do what exactly? Make men cum?

KillingLoneliness · 27/02/2023 07:54

I’m really surprised by these responses, I did a boudoir shoot and posted it on my social media, my privacy settings a on the highest and you can set the photos to only be viewed by friends and not friends of friends etc but I didn’t care who saw them, I was super proud of myself for doing it and there’s not anything extra on show compared to people posing in their bikinis etc when on holiday.

CrotchetyCrocheting · 27/02/2023 07:54

One of my sil posts pays for photos of her in her undies and posts them to social media. I have to admit I do wonder what is lacking in her life that she feels the need to post those photos for validation. She does get 'stunning hun x' and all the rest from a few people but there are as many or more that think why? and yeah we can all see that she doesn't actually look that way in real life which adds to the wtf nature of it all. I've never acknowledged them in real life or online it all feels too weird.

KillingLoneliness · 27/02/2023 07:54

ehb102 · 27/02/2023 07:52

It empowers you to do what exactly? Make men cum?

You feel empowered because you feel confident and that you at owning your insecurities, at least that’s how I felt.

Paq · 27/02/2023 07:55

A woman I am in a Facebook group with had the courage to post some wildlife photos she took. They were amazing and she got loads of brilliant comments. That's empowering.

LaDamaDeElche · 27/02/2023 07:56

I personally wouldn't. I have a friend who posts a lot of bikini shots and tasteful underwear shots and she's one of the most unconfident people I know. She needs people to tell her she's sexy, beautiful etc and I think the majority of people who see them will probably think you're doing it for this reason, otherwise why would someone publicly share such intimate photos, unless it's they're an influencer or someone who makes money from that. You are also opening yourself to negative comments, which surely won't help your confidence at all. Keep them for you and show them to people close to you rather than sharing them on social media. It does come across as attention seeking, whether that's true or not and people feel the same if it's a bloke posing with ribbed abs too, so the "empowerment" argument isn't really valid tbh.

Notaboutthebass · 27/02/2023 07:58

Someone I know did this on Facebook and I thought it was weird. Something you keep to yourself really, it's great that you've had a confidence boost though!

C4tastrophe · 27/02/2023 07:59

Whenever I hear the word ‘burlesque’, I immediately think ‘overweight’.

CrotchetyCrocheting · 27/02/2023 07:59

maddening · 27/02/2023 07:49

Men posting lingerie shots would also be judged in the same way - women posting sexy pics is not particularly empowering and the fact that women are encouraged to on the basis of female empowerment whilst men don't and yet we still have sexism and the gender pay gap etc is telling imo

Show quote history

Could you imagine the responses to a thread, my husband got half naked photos of himself taken professionally and wants to post them to social media for all of our friends and family to see. Aibu to think that this is really empowering and will show him as the confident, powerful man that he is?

Travis1 · 27/02/2023 08:00

@Junglejane8 you were never going to get a positive response on here for this. Honestly though if you want to post them then do. I have several friends who have done boudoir shoots and posted them. They look stunning and it definitely gave their confidence a boost. It’s on my list of things I want to do but I don’t have the courage

MotherOfHouseplants · 27/02/2023 08:00

OP, if you have long term issues with body confidence then one of the best gifts you could ever give yourself would be to come off social media altogether, or at least to unfollow the accounts which feature unrealistic beauty standards.

The photos exist and they have made you feel beautiful. You need to find a way to let that be enough. If you post them online you will be looking for external validation and you have to find a way to stop needing this. Show them to friends privately if you want.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 27/02/2023 08:00

KillingLoneliness · 27/02/2023 07:54

I’m really surprised by these responses, I did a boudoir shoot and posted it on my social media, my privacy settings a on the highest and you can set the photos to only be viewed by friends and not friends of friends etc but I didn’t care who saw them, I was super proud of myself for doing it and there’s not anything extra on show compared to people posing in their bikinis etc when on holiday.

If someone is actually posing in a bikini, getting a flattering angled, sucking in their belly etc. then that's cringy too, but a relaxed photo of someone having fun with family or friends on holiday is different.

Lcb123 · 27/02/2023 08:01

You have no control the minute you put them online - share them privately with whoever you trust but for me it’s the loss of control as soon as on social media.

LaDamaDeElche · 27/02/2023 08:01

You see it on MN in a different way. Someone posts a pic maybe to do with how old they look or should they have Botox or something and nine times out of ten they look good and younger, but there are people literally salivating to tell them they look in their 50's, or some even tell them 60, when they don't look a day older than 30. There are a lot of unhappy, mean people out there who seem to get off on making others feel shit, so just don't open yourself up to that possibility.