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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thank you for dinner

105 replies

IgglePiggleTiddle · 25/02/2023 05:12

Looking for an idea of what happens in other families please. Is it expected behaviour to say "Thank you for dinner" at the end of the meal to whoever cooked? I mean when it's just your household present, no guests? Or is it over the top to expect that everyday when you don't thank the person who does the dishes, or cleans the bathrooms?

OP posts:
donttellmehesalive · 25/02/2023 05:19

I've never really thought about it but we do usually say something if a meal has been made from scratch and effort has been made - thanks mum, that was lovely.

No comment for fishfingers for example. Maybe 'thanks dad, can I leave the table?'

I don't know why we don't thank the person who cleaned the bathrooms. Maybe it's just customary to be thankful for good food.

ImustLearn2Cook · 25/02/2023 05:20

We say thank you to the person who cooked when we sit down to eat. It’s good to show appreciation.

Hillrunning · 25/02/2023 05:21

Food is nourishing so thanks makes a bit more sense than it does for a cleaning task

Hillrunning · 25/02/2023 05:25

Having thought about it, we always thank (and often feedback on) food but large cleaning tasks get recognition rather than thanks.

'Hallway looks nice'
'Good job on the junk corner'
'Oh the Bedroom is so peaceful now'

RunTowardsTheLight · 25/02/2023 05:31

Here it would be more likely to be "this is nice" than "thank you". And sometimes rather than every day. Definitely not expected at every mealtime.

Happylittlechicken · 25/02/2023 05:32

I always thank both for cooking and if someone has done a chore. It just seems polite, and seems to encourage my family to do more.

Swalewhale · 25/02/2023 05:34

Personally I love to get a thanks, it's free and it makes you feel appreciated. Doesn't matter even if it's fish fingers, in fact, the kids are even more grateful if it's fish fingers! If DH doesn't say thanks I wonder if there was something wrong with my cooking.
If DH cooks I would always say thanks, it's good for the kids to overhear that and learn to show gratitude. And not grow up to be entitled little brats Smile

RisingMoons · 25/02/2023 05:34

Lots of appreciation with DH and I.

"Thanks for dinner, was really nice, loved the mash"
"Hallway looks loads better now"
"Did you put my washing out? Aw, thank you."

It's just our personalities, I think. Housework is 50/50 so there's no resentment, which must help.

Swalewhale · 25/02/2023 05:37

Wait, do some people NOT say thanks? That's just bloody rude

KatherineJaneway · 25/02/2023 05:39

Yes, always say thank you to whoever cooked. Basic manners.

WandaWonder · 25/02/2023 05:40

We say something if it unexpected yummy as a combined thing

But not really

WandaWonder · 25/02/2023 05:41

Swalewhale · 25/02/2023 05:37

Wait, do some people NOT say thanks? That's just bloody rude

My husband doesn't thank me for cleaning thr toilet or doing thr dishes, I don't thank him for vaccuninf or cooking

I have no issue

Ragwort · 25/02/2023 05:41

We always thank each other for dinner even if it's not particularly nice and would never just get up and leave the table without clearing up. Although if I am home alone I do enjoy being slightly rebellious and leaving the clearing up until the end of the evening Grin.

Emptycrackedcup · 25/02/2023 05:44

My DH for all his faults always thanks me for dinner, and normally says it's delicious (if it is 🤣)

hulahoopqueen · 25/02/2023 06:37

Our standard (I love to cook so it's me 90% of the time) is for DH to say "thank you for dinner hula, this is delicious", DSS5 then parrots "thank you for dinner hula it's delicious" which is enough for me!

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 06:44

We always say thank you - not necessarily at the end, often at the start, or both start and end.

Roselilly36 · 25/02/2023 06:53

My DS are 20+ now they always say thank you to their Dad for cooking our dinner, we have never asked them to, it’s something that have done automatically, since they were little. Teachers always used to comment on our sons manners. They always think it is rude if someone comes over for dinner and don’t say thanks. It’s something they always notice. It quite surprising how many people don’t say thanks.

NewName2023 · 25/02/2023 06:56

We always say thank you

And a little running joke has started from a couple of times of me responding “You’re welcome” when I hadn’t cooked that night. That I’ll take the thanks if the chef doesn’t respond because has a mouthful or the like.

NewName2023 · 25/02/2023 06:57

Should say I just auto pilot said you’re welcome and it was quickly pointed out it wasn’t me

321gogogo · 25/02/2023 06:58

Always say thank you, as do the kids.... Dad cooks 99% of the time

Whatatimetobealivetoday · 25/02/2023 06:59

I cook for DP and toddler, only cause I work from home and have the time. A simple thanks does make me happy, especially when dinner took an hour.

I also do a lot of the cleaning after work while DP picks toddler up from childcare. He doesn’t always comment on it but then I think to myself, do I say thank you to him for sitting in awful traffic for 1.5 hours everyday just to get to work and childcare?
Or do I say thank you to him for sorting the majority of the household DIY?

I think it would get tedious for me to expect or force a thank you everyday.

Experimentingwithbeads · 25/02/2023 07:03

We normally say thanks you for food but not for other things. But when you point it out, that does seem quite rude.
Perhaps we’ll change what we do.
to square it up, we’d either have to stop saying thank you for the food which I quite like, or we’d be stuck in an endless loop of saying thank you every 5 mins for the million tasks we do for each other.
im not sure what to do now? I don’t want either of us to be ungrateful?

PartnersInCrime · 25/02/2023 07:04

Yes we always thank the "chef" and no, no one thanks me for any of the other things like their packed lunches and washing and or cleaning... but we always try and eat together as a family so it seems the natural way to end the conversation.

mrsredhat · 25/02/2023 07:05

RunTowardsTheLight · 25/02/2023 05:31

Here it would be more likely to be "this is nice" than "thank you". And sometimes rather than every day. Definitely not expected at every mealtime.

Same here. It loses meaning if it becomes rote. My exMIL was an absolutely diabolical cook but all the family always said 'thank you that was lovely' when it patently wasn't.

Funnily enough I've just realised I always thank DH and DS when they cook but they rarely thank me. I think I appreciate being cooked for occasionally!

Candymay · 25/02/2023 07:06

Swalewhale · 25/02/2023 05:37

Wait, do some people NOT say thanks? That's just bloody rude

Agree.

my children say thank you when they finish the meal. Manners.
and I thank them for any chores they do.