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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thank you for dinner

105 replies

IgglePiggleTiddle · 25/02/2023 05:12

Looking for an idea of what happens in other families please. Is it expected behaviour to say "Thank you for dinner" at the end of the meal to whoever cooked? I mean when it's just your household present, no guests? Or is it over the top to expect that everyday when you don't thank the person who does the dishes, or cleans the bathrooms?

OP posts:
CosyScentedCandles · 25/02/2023 08:40

I think it depends what kind of thanks you are after. We don’t have kids yet but if one of us does dinner and calls the other one that it is ready, the other one will take their plate and say “lovely, thanks” or similar. I don’t expect much more recognition that that for a Tuesday night tea.

On the other hand if I cook something particularly yummy, or that requires additional effort, DH will tell me if was really good and that he appreciates it. I don’t expect that every time.

Generally we might say “oh, thanks for doing the washing up” or “thanks for doing the washing that saves me a job later” but we don’t make a song and dance about it.

For kids though it’s good to get them into the habit of saying thank you I think so they know how to behave out and about. You wouldn’t go to a dinner party as an adult and not say thank you! My SIL expects my niece to direct a “thank you” towards whoever has cooked the dinner at the end of a meal. It’s a bit robotic “thank you auntie cosy for dinner please may I get down?” but it’s instilling good manners. I remember being a child going on play dates and being instructed to say “thank you for having me” at the end 😅

FancyFanny · 25/02/2023 08:48

We might say thanks, or some appreciate comment but not as a formality and it wouldn't occur to me to be offended if nobody said thanks.

I don't think we thank each other for doing household tasks because it's not something that's presented to you like a meal- we don't all sit round the clean toilet appreciating it when it's been cleaned.

BessieSurtees · 25/02/2023 08:50

Spouses, children and grandchildren and friends all say thank you even if it’s just making a cuppa. It’s just good manners.

I can’t of a situation where I would put food out and someone would not say thank you.

If my DC or DGC did some housework in my home I would say thank you, not so much with DH as we share chores but if he did more than his fair share I would say thanks, because he’s saving me the time and vice versa.

Jujuj · 25/02/2023 08:51

My husband and I usually thank eachother for cooking, whatever it is, even if it’s a bit shit. It’s more the act of doing the chore and feeding everyone.

Jujuj · 25/02/2023 08:52

(but neither of us would be offended if thanks wasn’t given, wouldn’t think much of it)

tsmainsqueeze · 25/02/2023 08:55

I always thank my husband if he has made the meal , my kids always say thankyou to whoever has cooked meal ,husband doesn't always say thanks but will say meal was nice etc.
Nobody ever thanks me for cleaning the toilet !

MRex · 25/02/2023 08:59

We always say thank you, I find it jarring and really quite weird if someone doesn't. We also thank each other for tasks, though less regularly and like PP it's more "kitchen looks great thanks" rather than "thank you for cleaning the kitchen".

TinyCactusInAPot · 25/02/2023 09:02

Never realised but my teens actually say thank you for every meal…

I really like it, guess you feel a bit of appreciation

I also say thanks to them if they do something like hoovering downstairs

Helenloveslee4eva · 25/02/2023 09:03

Of course you say thank you for dinner , for cleaning for bringing your slippers etc why wouldn’t you ?

sometimes accompanied in our house when it’s just me with “ very nice , very tasty “ …… “ and I mean it “which is a quote from 84 Charing Cross road - dh favourite film - when the food is anything but 😂.

wibblewobbleball · 25/02/2023 09:04

We say thank you for meals. We also say thanks for jobs done too, even if they're our "allocated" jobs. So if DH puts the bins out, I'll usually say later thanks for doing the bins. Ditto when he changes the sheets, that night I say thank you for the fresh bed it feels lovely! I think it's our way of making sure the things we do for the smooth running of our household are valued.

jellybe · 25/02/2023 09:05

Our kids do say thanks to whoever has cooked but that's because they emulate us, me and DH say thanks to each other depending on who has cooked so they have just learnt from our example. Not expected as such but does happen.

LabradorVibe · 25/02/2023 09:11

Always a thank you when someone has provided the meal - and an additional thank you / recognition if you particularly enjoy the meal. I was brought up with that approach, and remember finding it odd that my DHs family didn't all thank my DMIL for meals. I just started thanking her and others joined in.

I know some people queried why making dinner gets praise and other household tasks don't. We're consistent in that me and DH both throw around thanks to each other for general housework and daily tasks too. I think it's a good habit to look for reasons to appreciate your DH.

Fairislefandango · 25/02/2023 09:14

No, it would feel a bit OTT and oddly formal to me. We often say how nice the food was, but not 'Thank you for cooking'. We all chip in and do different tasks around the house etc. Do you all also say thank you for walking the dog, cleaning the bathroom, hoovering the house, doing the supermarket shop etc?

BessieSurtees · 25/02/2023 09:22

@Fairislefandango yes we do thank each other for those other things. We don’t do it formally like thank you for this food. More like an acknowledgment, If you said to your family your dinner is ready do they not say thanks as they sit down, that’s not formal.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 25/02/2023 09:26

Yes it is basic good manners. We also have no electronic devices at the table, almost always eat together at the table and ask to be excused after saying thank you. The kids also take turns setting and clearing the table and help with washing and drying dishes. All basic manners and skills which will be needed in the future. I am a parent so it is my job to parent and teach them in such things.

littlehayleyc · 25/02/2023 09:40

Certainly not an every day thing but if extra effort has been put in or the dinner was particularly nice, then I would say thank you to DH and he would thank me. I wouldn’t expect it or be annoyed if it wasn’t said. We take turns cooking so maybe that’s why. If one person is doing all the cooking and never gets a thank you I can understand they might feel it was a thankless task and wonder why they bother!

bakewellbride · 25/02/2023 12:56

@Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 your house sounds like mine!

JaceLancs · 25/02/2023 12:59

I’ve never really thought about it but yes we do
Its more likely to be quite informal such as thanks that was lovely

Botw1 · 25/02/2023 13:01

We don't.

Never have

Don't consider it rude

Treetopviews · 25/02/2023 13:06

We generally say thanks but if we didn’t I’d not notice, it’s not a big deal, none of us cook for the thanks. We never say thanks for anything else. I can’t perceive saying to my husband thank you for cleaning the bathroom.

Blip · 25/02/2023 13:12

We always thank whoever cooked.

Dartmoorcheffy · 25/02/2023 13:16

We always thank whoever has cooked or provided a meal. Its good manners and takes seconds.

MatildaTheCat · 25/02/2023 13:16

Yes, we do say thanks. Even for something very easy.

When the DC were small they had to say, ‘thanks you for my nice tea, please can I get down?’. Other parents did definitely comment on them saying please and thank you.

I really notice when people fail to say thanks or comment positively on a meal I’ve produced.

bellsbuss · 25/02/2023 13:19

DH thanks me every time I cook, the children thank me if it's their favourite

WoofWoofBeachLife · 25/02/2023 13:30

I've not read the comments. My DH and me both thank each other for cooking and mean it. He does a lot of things around the house because of my illness and wirks FT, and I always thank him and he does the same to me. I had a shit first marriage where I did absolutely everything and worked FT while exh did fuck all and I burned myself out.
I appreciate people doing things for me now xx