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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My child’s teacher told her I was a Chump

122 replies

ChumpyChumpster · 24/02/2023 22:37

Little bit of a back story…

I recently complained to the school for a lack of information about an upcoming event my daughter was attending. I had tried unsuccessfully for 4 weeks to contact the school for more information (various unanswered emails and phone call requests). My daughter had wanted to pull out of the event because she wasn’t sure what exactly was expected of her and I hadn’t been able to find out.
School responded quickly to my complaint, information was given, daughter reassured. I shouldn’t have had to complain to get a result but I was happy with how it was dealt with and made sure everyone involved was aware it was settled and thanked them for their help.
This is the only time I have ever complained to the school.

Today, one day after the event my daughter was really out of sorts after school. After a couple of hours home she told me she was upset because one of her teachers had called me a Chump.
She didn’t really know what it was but knew it was meant to be mean.
The whole class had been discussing parents not always getting info and poor school comms, my daughter said I had recently not got info I’d asked for.
The teacher said mostly it was because parents didn’t bother to read the emails, she said she could prove it and later interrupted my daughter working with her friend to show her an email log showing I had received an email (not the missing email answering my specific question, a whole school email that’s not relevant to my complaint) but had not opened it. According to my daughter she said
’Your Dad opened it, your Mum didn’t… because your Mum is a Chump’

It sounds like a ridiculous thing for the teacher to say. She does have form for speaking ‘freely’ in front of the kids, they call her by her first name and she is pretty informal. I do believe she said it. Context may be different to what my daughter says but I think unlikely. Daughter was upset and was worried sharing it with me would hurt my feelings.

The event my daughter attended could mean she gets extra lessons in a subject she loves, if the teachers think it would be of benefit. She would love the extra lessons.

Im really angry she basically told my daughter I’m an idiot. Should I complain again? I’m worried it may have a negative effect on my daughter’s chances for the benefits on offer and it could make her lessons with this teacher uncomfortable. The teacher clearly can’t hide her feelings!

My daughter is 10yrs old. This teacher teaches a special subject and she would likely have her for quite some time.

YABU - Let it slide
YANBU - Let rip

OP posts:
WhatHappenedToYoyos · 24/02/2023 22:49

I'd complain both about "proving" to a ten year old that their parent is wrong by showing them an email and then about the comment. Ask for both incidents to be investigated. The professional thing would have been to stop your child and explain the situation was resolved and to please stop discussing it in class.

I can't say if the teacher did or didn't do these things but either way, your child has interpreted it in a negative way so it needs sorting. Assuming this did actually get said about you, I'd be worrying what other pupils have also experienced from this teacher too.

I'm a teacher and sometimes parents are completely wrong in their interpretation of a situation but you'd never rub it in the face of a child/pupil.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/02/2023 22:53

The teacher said mostly it was because parents didn’t bother to read the emails, she said she could prove it and later interrupted my daughter working with her friend to show her an email log showing I had received an email (not the missing email answering my specific question, a whole school email that’s not relevant to my complaint) but had not opened it.

What an absolute arsehole. Let it rip.

CharlotteSometimes1 · 24/02/2023 22:54

Leave it. Sometimes it’s better for your mental health to lose an argument. Then kill the teacher with kindness. You won’t feel wound up and annoyed and she might think twice about being so judgey. It won’t hurt your dd to learn to let small mean comments go either.

honeyytoast · 24/02/2023 22:55

YABU because she’s a teacher and you’re simply a complaining parent, clearly

(looking at voting)

VestaTilley · 24/02/2023 22:55

YANBU- what the hell? The teacher is really unprofessional. She should never speak of a parent like that, especially about you to your own child! I’d complain to the Head. That’s appalling behaviour. And what’s with them addressing her by her first name??

UWhatNow · 24/02/2023 22:59

Did she have a point though? Did you not bother reading the email before making the complaint?

Led9519 · 24/02/2023 23:01

It’s possible the teacher said it in a glib way and didn’t mean it to sound nasty or harsh. Is the teacher young?
i’d maybe mentally give her a strike 1 and note the details down of it and then if your daughter gets more lessons see how it goes. If she does a couple of similar things I’d complain about them all together as a pattern of unprofessional behaviour.
I do think teachers have a hard job so maybe just give her a break this time.

Do you otherwise like this teacher?

ChildminderMum · 24/02/2023 23:01

Really inappropriate to try to draw a child into a dispute between adults.

I'd ask to speak to the Head in person, not as a 'complaint' but as 'how can we resolve this issue so dd isn't drawn into adult problems again'.

ChildminderMum · 24/02/2023 23:02

UWhatNow · 24/02/2023 22:59

Did she have a point though? Did you not bother reading the email before making the complaint?

Does it make a difference?

If the teacher felt the complaint was unfair, surely she should be raising it with the adults involved not a 10 year old.

ouch321 · 24/02/2023 23:06

Sounds like drama over nothing...

AllWorkYoPlait · 24/02/2023 23:06

What an odd conversation for a teacher to be having with children anyway.

I'd be complaining. Your child doesn't need confronting - I'd welcome said teacher to approach me directly with their appraisal of my character. Knob.

Original poster
ChumpyChumpster · 24/02/2023 23:10

Thank you for your reply.
You’re right there was an opportunity to just nip it in the bud, carry on with the lesson. I don’t doubt my daughter was having a good stir with her wooden spoon. She would certainly have joined in a class discussion with any snippet of info she could but she doesn’t know I complained.

Teacher is absolutely entitled to have a moan about me outside the classroom, call me whatever she likes. It is the ‘proving’ and name calling to my daughter I’m finding difficult. The dispute is with me.

OP posts:
SeaStatePhenomenal · 24/02/2023 23:12

Teacher is a total arsehole

Original poster
ChumpyChumpster · 24/02/2023 23:13

UWhatNow · 24/02/2023 22:59

Did she have a point though? Did you not bother reading the email before making the complaint?

It wasn’t the same email. The email my daughter saw was a whole school email, I didn’t read it. I already had that information.
I asked for more detailed information about the event, I asked several times by email and requested phone calls over the course of 4 weeks and only got the extra info after I complained I’d been ignored for several times.

OP posts:
DisappearingGirl · 24/02/2023 23:18

Sounds like the teacher is in the wrong BUT personally I'd let it slide, especially if your DD otherwise likes the teacher and will be taught by her for a while etc. No point in stirring up drama. You know in your head you were in the right!

noblegiraffe · 24/02/2023 23:24

This reply has been deleted

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BabyOnBoard90 · 24/02/2023 23:35

Sounds incredibly far-fetched. Double check your DD isn't having you on.

Itisbetter · 24/02/2023 23:42

Daddy is good and mummy is stupid? I’d go and talk to the head.

BankOfDave · 24/02/2023 23:46

Complain. This is far more serious than the first complaint and is totally unacceptable on a number of levels.

Original poster
ChumpyChumpster · 24/02/2023 23:52

BabyOnBoard90 · 24/02/2023 23:35

Sounds incredibly far-fetched. Double check your DD isn't having you on.

I’d agree for any other teacher she has ever (or my Son) had. This particular teacher is really informal, I can see it playing out as it’s been told. My daughter has no idea what a Chump is, it would be a strange word for a 10yr old to use I think?
I don’t really want to ask the friend she was working with in case that escalates it somehow. Asking the school would definitely escalate it.
My daughters behaviour, how she told it and on balance of how this particular teacher behaves I think there is truth in it. I can’t say it’s wholly accurate, it’s just how she’s interpreted it.

OP posts:
Spongeboob · 24/02/2023 23:53

Nope. I'd be asking for a meeting with the head and for this teacher to be present also. I'd calmly go through the issues you've had and then politely pull this teacher up on exactly how she behaved. Then ask for an explanation and how they intend to deal with this. No need to go guns blazing. You've been blindsided, call them on it with a bit more decorum than school have bothered to show.

Aquamarine1029 · 24/02/2023 23:57

BabyOnBoard90 · 24/02/2023 23:35

Sounds incredibly far-fetched. Double check your DD isn't having you on.

A ten year old, in 2023, just pulls the word "chump" out of their arse? I seriously doubt it.

Pirrin · 24/02/2023 23:58

That's really difficult. If your daughter misinterpreted the interaction in anyway it would be awful for this teacher to label her as a trouble maker for the next few years (or even if she didn't misinterpret). I wouldbt care so much about me being labeled as one, but repercussions on her would definitely make me pause. The injustice of it would make me want to say something. I genuinely can't decide where the balance is though and don't envy you making the call.

VictorStrand · 24/02/2023 23:58

Let it go. You've said your DD deliberately stirs. It sounds like that's what she is doing here. She also might be getting her story in first if she thinks the teacher is likely to complain about the DCs bitching about the school comms in class.

Original poster
ChumpyChumpster · 25/02/2023 00:02

Led9519 · 24/02/2023 23:01

It’s possible the teacher said it in a glib way and didn’t mean it to sound nasty or harsh. Is the teacher young?
i’d maybe mentally give her a strike 1 and note the details down of it and then if your daughter gets more lessons see how it goes. If she does a couple of similar things I’d complain about them all together as a pattern of unprofessional behaviour.
I do think teachers have a hard job so maybe just give her a break this time.

Do you otherwise like this teacher?

No she’s not young, 50s I’d say. She is a specialist teacher for this subject, she works in our school and a few others. I believe she has many years experience. She’s not part of the core staff, she works very part time hours just teaching her specialist subject so I don’t really know her well. She doesn’t do parents evenings or anything like that.

OP posts:
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