Page 4 | My child’s teacher told her I was a Chump

ChumpyChumpster · 2023-02-24T22:37:37+00:00

Little bit of a back story… I recently complained to the school for a lack of information about an upcoming event my daughter was attending. I had tried unsuccessfully for 4 weeks to contact the school for more information (various unanswered emails and phone call requests). My daughter had wanted to pull out of the event because she wasn’t sure what exactly was expected of her and I hadn’t been able to find out. School responded quickly to my complaint, information was given, daughter reassured. I shouldn’t have had to complain to get a result but I was happy with how it was dealt with and made sure everyone involved was aware it was settled and thanked them for their help. This is the only time I have ever complained to the school. Today, one day after the event my daughter was really out of sorts after school. After a couple of hours home she told me she was upset because one of her teachers had called me a Chump. She didn’t really know what it was but knew it was meant to be mean. The whole class had been discussing parents not always getting info and poor school comms, my daughter said I had recently not got info I’d asked for. The teacher said mostly it was because parents didn’t bother to read the emails, she said she could prove it and later interrupted my daughter working with her friend to show her an email log showing I had received an email (not the missing email answering my specific question, a whole school email that’s not relevant to my complaint) but had not opened it. According to my daughter she said ’Your Dad opened it, your Mum didn’t… because your Mum is a Chump’ It sounds like a ridiculous thing for the teacher to say. She does have form for speaking ‘freely’ in front of the kids, they call her by her first name and she is pretty informal. I do believe she said it. Context may be different to what my daughter says but I think unlikely. Daughter was upset and was worried sharing it with me would hurt my feelings. The event my daughter attended could mean she gets extra lessons in a subject she loves, if the teachers think it would be of benefit. She would love the extra lessons. Im really angry she basically told my daughter I’m an idiot. Should I complain again? I’m worried it may have a negative effect on my daughter’s chances for the benefits on offer and it could make her lessons with this teacher uncomfortable. The teacher clearly can’t hide her feelings! My daughter is 10yrs old. This teacher teaches a special subject and she would likely have her for quite some time. YABU - Let it slide YANBU - Let rip

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 06:59

I wouldn't bother complaining.

I'd be cautious of what conversations you have around DD if she's 10 years old and contributing to a slanging match about school comms - that's not really a 10 year olds cross to bear.

sashh · 25/02/2023 07:01

ChumpyChumpster · 24/02/2023 23:10

Thank you for your reply.
You’re right there was an opportunity to just nip it in the bud, carry on with the lesson. I don’t doubt my daughter was having a good stir with her wooden spoon. She would certainly have joined in a class discussion with any snippet of info she could but she doesn’t know I complained.

Teacher is absolutely entitled to have a moan about me outside the classroom, call me whatever she likes. It is the ‘proving’ and name calling to my daughter I’m finding difficult. The dispute is with me.

I had a student make a written complaint about me, it read in a way your DD has said.

What the student didn't say was the other half of the conversation.

I would bet even money that your DD or another students argued that the teacher couldn't see who had opened an email.

Riapia · 25/02/2023 07:07

I’d complain that a teacher was allowing 10 year old pupils to be on first name terms.

PollyPut · 25/02/2023 07:07

ChumpyChumpster · 24/02/2023 23:10

Thank you for your reply.
You’re right there was an opportunity to just nip it in the bud, carry on with the lesson. I don’t doubt my daughter was having a good stir with her wooden spoon. She would certainly have joined in a class discussion with any snippet of info she could but she doesn’t know I complained.

Teacher is absolutely entitled to have a moan about me outside the classroom, call me whatever she likes. It is the ‘proving’ and name calling to my daughter I’m finding difficult. The dispute is with me.

So I've just read this bit that where you say your daughter probably gave it a good stir. Also later on that teacher is in her 50s and works in multiple schools. i.e. she's not the main teacher.

I would say that if you complain about teacher over this, she might get fed up and decide to stop working at your school. Then your school will have to find someone to replace her and your DD might miss out. Do you really want that? It sounds like DD likes the subject and if she's 10 then she might not be at the school much longer and you don't want her to miss out

Also if your daughter is stirring like this you really need to watch what you say in front of her. Many of us have found our words repeated by our children when we least expect them and many of us have found out that it causes problems...

Cobrastar · 25/02/2023 07:14

I would do neither because I’m petty. I would kill them with kindness but if you ever get a chance to drop into conversation “well I guess I’m just a chump” I would.

im bitter and love a bit of passive aggression 🤣

Soontobe60 · 25/02/2023 07:17

PinkStarAtNight · 25/02/2023 00:12

Where in her post did OP say her daughter stirs things??

Unless you're referring to the bit where the OP says 'It sounds like a ridiculous thing for the teacher to say. She does have form for speaking ‘freely’ in front of the kids, they call her by her first name and she is pretty informal.'

OP is referring to the teacher having form, not her daughter.

People who skim read posts and then comment really annoy me. Read the OP!

Show quote history

You’re right there was an opportunity to just nip it in the bud, carry on with the lesson. I don’t doubt my daughter was having a good stir with her wooden spoon. She would certainly have joined in a class discussion with any snippet of info she could but she doesn’t know I complained

The OP literally said her DD ‘was having a good stir with her wooden spoon’
Yeah, people who skim read posts really annoy me too 😂

Spudina · 25/02/2023 07:21

When is parents evening? I’d be perfectly civil, then drop in “By the way, did you call me a chump?”. Hopefully she will apologise. I’d ask her face to face, sort it quickly and not bother going above her.

Chias · 25/02/2023 07:21

Like the rest of the population, there are quite a lot of eccentric teachers out there who say odd stuff. It wasn’t very professional and annoying of her but I’m not sure I would complain.

I’m slightly confused over how you knew the info wasn’t in the email when you hadn’t read it.
Some of the parents on our class WhatsApp group have taken to reposting school emails, cropping relevant sections or highlighting information on them in response to questions on the chat. So many parents don’t read them properly and this must be frustrating for the school.

I am not saying that you had already been sent the info but I would scour all correspondence carefully before making a complaint. I would also ask your daughter if she wants you to complain as she may have reported it in a bit of a one sided way. You don’t want to end up actually looking like a chump.

TrinnySmith · 25/02/2023 07:22

I would arrange a chat with the teacher to sort out misunderstanding - explain that you’d wanted more info as Dd was so keen, uhou know staff are busy but just wanted to check things, blah what is the best way for you to get further info - then go back to Dd and say teacher had misunderstood but all is fine now.

pictoosh · 25/02/2023 07:27

Can you be bothered to create over this most minor of issues? I wouldn’t.

Original poster

ChumpyChumpster · 25/02/2023 07:30

A few people have mentioned the discussion in class being an odd topic for the kids and the teacher perhaps feeling she needed to defend herself. A couple more that I’d implied my DD was deliberately difficult in class and stirring/disrupting , that’s not what I said.

Personally I think if discussion was getting out of hand she should have stopped the conversation and taught her lesson.

The event was for the whole year group, some children did miss out because parents say they didn’t have the info. I DID have the initial info and had contacted the school to say my daughter would take part, could I have more details (location, topic for work my daughter was asked to prepare etc). I asked for this information for 4 weeks and only got it when I complained I’d been ignored. I was aware some parents had been given information but what they knew wouldn’t apply to my daughter.

This class would have spoken about it as a class because the event had just happened and it’s the first time they would have been together since, it probably didn’t start out as a debate about school communication but that came into it as some kids would have felt they missed out (but I agree there was an inital email asking if kids wanted to take part, I didn’t need to open it because I already had info and contacted school to say yes please). My DD isn’t shy, she would have been a voice in that discussion, she was probably loud and it was likely annoying for the teacher. But she was part of a whole class discussion, she didn’t single the teacher out to complain and this teacher wasn’t directly anything to do with the event. Teacher should have just nipped it in the bud and carried on her lesson. Kids can be irritating and poorly informed, but I don’t use that as an excuse to call their parents names.

I believe the teacher said it, it would surprise from any other teacher but not from this particular lady. However I don’t know the context and without creating a larger drama I’ll not find out, a big fuss could have a negative impact on my DD.
I’m going to let it slide, this one and only time. It could have been a bad joke, she could have had an awful day and said it in frustration and immediately regretted it.
Thank you all for your help, it was good to hear different perspectives! My anger last night would have acted rashly.

OP posts:

DrHousecuredme · 25/02/2023 07:32

The teacher was wrong to criticise you in front of dd and to try to make her "take sides" I suppose?
So I get why you're angry.
That said, it is frustrating when parents complain that they didn't know anything about x when there are clearly newsletters or emails with the info on so a sympathise a little bit with her here.
Perhaps a short, polite note directly to the teacher saying that dd has relayed her comments and you'd appreciate it if the matter was dropped now it's been resolved?

pictoosh · 25/02/2023 07:33

You have written two looooooooong posts about this nothing of an incident.
Let it go now.

Orangeanlemons551 · 25/02/2023 07:34

But please sign all future emails Mrs.Chump 😄

FindingMeno · 25/02/2023 07:38

Chump???
Fucking hell, is the teacher Jacob Rees Mogg??!!!
Let rip.

Marleymoo42 · 25/02/2023 07:40

I would guess the teacher behaved in this way because she has been in trouble over your complaint and is angry about it.

Teachers find it really difficult to remain impartial and to form good relationships with children whose parents who are causing them problems and stress. Which is very wrong, i know. So for the sake of your dd I think i wouldn't. Especially as this teacher isn't going anywhere.

Although the principled part of me would say to absolutely let rip as she has fallen so low below the standard expected of a teacher. Her behaviour was also pretty risky. She said it to a ten year old who is perfectly able to understand and report back...

Sorry I'm no help!

RobinRobinMouse · 25/02/2023 07:40

I'd have probably had a quiet word face to face to find out what happened from her point of view too and take it from there. Also, 'chump' is in loads of children's books so is very much a word they may use, even if not fully sure of the meaning.

StrawberryJam4Ever · 25/02/2023 07:48

Every time you see her start singing 🎤 We are the Famous Five, Julian, Dick, & Anne, George, & Timmy the D-o-o-og 🎵 Then shout hello Chump whilst grinning broadly.

picklemewalnuts · 25/02/2023 07:51

@ChumpyChumpster before you set your plans, are you sure the teacher didn't refer to mailchimp?

Mailchimp is a system for sending out emails that lets you see who opened them.

It would be more likely that the teacher said 'look, I can see your dad opened it, and your mum didn't open it, MailChimp.

LolaSmiles · 25/02/2023 07:52

I'd be cautious of what conversations you have around DD if she's 10 years old and contributing to a slanging match about school comms - that's not really a 10 year olds cross to bear
This. Why are so many children involved in their parents' gripes about school?

And the teacher should have shut the conversation down as it's a total waste of times having 10 year olds air their parents' frustrations with school.

I'd have a private conversation with the teacher about it.

Justalittlebitduckling · 25/02/2023 08:03

I’d be having a word with the head. Stay calm, make it clear this is how your DC presented it and you know children’s versions of events aren’t always accurate, but please could the head have a word with the teacher and find out what actually happened.

ScentOfAMemory · 25/02/2023 08:06

ChumpyChumpster · 25/02/2023 07:30

A few people have mentioned the discussion in class being an odd topic for the kids and the teacher perhaps feeling she needed to defend herself. A couple more that I’d implied my DD was deliberately difficult in class and stirring/disrupting , that’s not what I said.

Personally I think if discussion was getting out of hand she should have stopped the conversation and taught her lesson.

The event was for the whole year group, some children did miss out because parents say they didn’t have the info. I DID have the initial info and had contacted the school to say my daughter would take part, could I have more details (location, topic for work my daughter was asked to prepare etc). I asked for this information for 4 weeks and only got it when I complained I’d been ignored. I was aware some parents had been given information but what they knew wouldn’t apply to my daughter.

This class would have spoken about it as a class because the event had just happened and it’s the first time they would have been together since, it probably didn’t start out as a debate about school communication but that came into it as some kids would have felt they missed out (but I agree there was an inital email asking if kids wanted to take part, I didn’t need to open it because I already had info and contacted school to say yes please). My DD isn’t shy, she would have been a voice in that discussion, she was probably loud and it was likely annoying for the teacher. But she was part of a whole class discussion, she didn’t single the teacher out to complain and this teacher wasn’t directly anything to do with the event. Teacher should have just nipped it in the bud and carried on her lesson. Kids can be irritating and poorly informed, but I don’t use that as an excuse to call their parents names.

I believe the teacher said it, it would surprise from any other teacher but not from this particular lady. However I don’t know the context and without creating a larger drama I’ll not find out, a big fuss could have a negative impact on my DD.
I’m going to let it slide, this one and only time. It could have been a bad joke, she could have had an awful day and said it in frustration and immediately regretted it.
Thank you all for your help, it was good to hear different perspectives! My anger last night would have acted rashly.

You literally said you were sure your daughter was stirring.

GoAgainstNicki · 25/02/2023 08:07

Chump😂😂😂

PollyPut · 25/02/2023 08:07

@ChumpyChumpster another thought. If your school has the kind of email system I think they do, then they don't send the same child everything. e.g. one teacher says this should email should go to class x, the next teacher says their mail should go to the whole school, the next teacher has a mail for year 5 only etc.

Sometimes mistakes are made. e.g. The teacher thinks it's gone to several yeargroups but actually it doesn't go out to all of them as the admin person has set it up differently to how the teacher intended. The teacher doesn't know. They assume parents have the info when due to an admin error the parents weren't sent it - as an example perhaps it was sent to 5A but not 5B. In that case the teacher thinks it's gone out. The parents haven't got it. Everyone is confused for quite some time (or people miss out). It sounds like this might be what's happened. Definitely let the school try to figure out what went wrong with the comms and don't distract them by complaining about the comment.

DoorstoManual · 25/02/2023 08:08

Unbelievable.