Husband offering childcare without asking me

[Ifeelbetterwhenimdancing]

AIBU? My husband has offered to look after our neighbours children after school EVERY night for ‘a few weeks’ without discussing it with me first. He’s a stay at home dad and helped the neighbours out by walking their kids to school while he was taking ours. I work with other people’s children all day at work, and like to come home and relax, have a bath, sit in my pjs etc. I haven’t met these other children as I was at work when he took them to school previously. We don’t know the neighbours well. Our own son has possible additional needs and usually ‘explodes’ when he gets home as he holds it all in at school. I feel upset he’s not thought about our son or me while offering to do this. My husband would be cooking tea so would not be closely supervising as such, I feel it’s a lot to look after 4 children (who don’t know each other). I honestly don’t know what they will do - to entertain themselves. we don’t have an x box or anything as my children are younger (3 and 8). I don’t like the thought of unfamiliar children with my own children being left alone. The neighbours children are older (possibly 11/12 and 10/11ish)
we often have our own family visit and I feel it will be quite awkward having other children in the house that nobody knows.
just for background - my husband has health issues and I have CFS and I rely on the ability to relax when I get home after a long day.
AIBU to be upset that he didn’t discuss it with me first?

Why on Earth does your DH feel ready to volunteer you for this, despite knowing your health issues?

By any chance is the mother attractive?

No 😂
I think he’s just trying to be the nice guy, he often helps friends out with drop offs / pick ups etc. but we’ve never had kids back at our house before

How long they are there each day, in relation to when you get home, is directly relevant.

If you get home at 4 and they will be there until 10 then YANBU.

If you get home at 6 and they will be there until 630 then YABU.

Strange how different the vote is from the comments.
I agree with most of the comments.

In your OP, you've made all sorts of statements to get us to agree with you, but most of them don't stand up.

For example, they aren't "unfamiliar children" if he walks them to school each day - you might not know them, but her does, and your dc do.

I feel it’s a lot to look after 4 children (who don’t know each other)

Not really. They aren't babies or toddlers. They will just sit there and watch TV or build some lego or kick a ball about outside, or help your dh in the kitchen, read, or even do a bit of homework.

I honestly don’t know what they will do - to entertain themselves. we don’t have an x box or anything as my children are younger (3 and 8).

See above

I don’t like the thought of unfamiliar children with my own children being left alone.
But, they aren't alone. They are with your dh, and their friends that they walk to school with each day.

Your dh sounds like a nice chap, who has kindly offered to help out people he has got to know, when you are out at work.
If you really need to lie down when you get in, you still can - I am sure the dc will understand if you want to lie on your own settee, or you have the option of lying on your bed if you prefer a bit of privacy.
Of course, they might not still be there when you get in.

I get home around 4, think they’re there until 5/5.30. this time is our catch up and family time. After tea it’s full on routine of bath / story / bed for the kids. I have to go to bed very early at night due to CFS/ME completely wiping me out

But they are unfamiliar children to me and will be in my house. My youngest DC wouldn’t know them, it was over a year ago they did the occasional school run together. He wouldn’t recognise them or know their names without being told as he was in a buggy at the time

We don’t know them well. We’ve never been in each others houses or been out together for coffee etc. we just say hi and take in each others parcels! They asked my husband if he would mind taking their son to school occasionally (about a year ago) and he said yes

Op your DH sounds like a really kind guy. It might not be his problem to solve but it sounds like the older of those kids could be in their last year of primary school.

Nobody would want to move kids primary at that stage. But it's a big ask from the parents. While he's not a registered childminder, some money for informal babysitting would be nice.

The parents sold their house and moved so their children get to be someone else's responsibility?
Presumably they are now out of catchment for the school so no transport.
I am sure that the children wont be enjoying it either.

The parents aren't saying the children aren't their responsibility, but OP's DH is willing to help and they'd be stupid to say no. They don't know what conversations he has or hasn't had with OP.

So how early is “very early”?

If the kids are there until 5, then you feed and bathe your kids and put them to bed, so that’s maybe 7?

I can understand if you are in bed by 8ish you might feel you don’t have much time.

Could you go for a rest in the bedroom when you get home, and increase the time you are up after the kids bedtime?

I've had to help out friends and neighbours with childcare for a week or 2 before mainly because grandparents have been on holiday. Didn't even enter my head to ask DH first as it would be me doing it not him.

I can’t work out if your husband is easily exploited or a people pleaser, or if these people are the biggest users going, but this whole situation is ludicrous.

Does an 11/12 year old even need childcare? Are they at secondary school? If they’re remotely sensible kids and those are genuinely their ages, they should be fine in their own home for a couple of hours after school, in the knowledge there’s a neighbour nearby they can call on if they need help.

Yes he should have absolutely have discussed this with you first. I’d have thought the last thing kids this age want is to be sat in someone else’s house with young children when they could be in their own home.

The oldest child can’t get home as they have moved. They still go to school where their old house is

Sometimes I have to go to bed around 7.30/8ish as I’m exhausted after being at work all day

Are you married to Kevin from Motherland?!

YANBU. I can't believe he would agree to do this every day. I think the other parents are quite cheeky. I would be annoyed to come home to this every night.

I doubt they will still be there when you get ready for bed, though. 😅

I also imagined Kevin, for some reason.

I'd compromise then that he can have them until 4 or 4.30 but parents will have to pick them up by then. That's more than generous.

I understand your annoyance but I must admit I'd be proud of my husband for wanting to help others and I trust his judgement so wouldn't bother me personally

Yanbu x

There's being "nice" and then there's being a complete walk-over. I suspect your husband falls into the latter category. If put my foot down about this if I were you OP.

Sounds like he is easily exploited AND a people pleaser…you both barely knew these people when they were your neighbours, they’re not even your neighbours anymore and now you’re responsible for their children several hours a week (potentially till the end of the school year)?? Cos why would they make alternate arrangements when they’re getting all this for free…

Get him to rescind the offer, tell him he can completely blame it on you/your health issues (no skin off your nose) and that he hadn’t checked with you before offering. They must have considered this issue before moving, were they counting on your DH when they made their plans?

Why not trial it for a week. The older kids might occupy yours.