To expect DH to look after DD for 15 minutes during his lunch break

[Sunflower1000]

I posted another threat recently about my DH attitude to house work and parenting but this is slightly different topic. On Fridays DH works from home. Friday is my day off as I work 4 days so I can spend Fridays with DD (18 months). DH spends most of his lunch hour at his desk upstairs checking football news. Then he comes down to make his lunch, refuses to play with DD at which point she is crying so I make mine and her lunch and try to calm her down. Then she eats in her high chair and I eat at the same time. DH eats his food on the sofa watching tv. This really distracts DD who wants his attention but he just stays there getting annoyed that she wants his food. Am I being unreasonable that not only he doesn't feel the need to play with DD but also doesn't show any under a sing of my day and would never offer to look after her for 15 mins so I can have my lunch, go to the loo or unload washing machine in peace? Basically what he says is that Friday is my day to look after her and he is working so shouldn't be disturbed. His work is not very busy or complex.

He sounds delightful, no YANBU to ask or expect him to spare 15mins of his day.

Why on earth don't you make three portions so you can all eat together?

So I can possibly get onboard with him not paying attention to her while he is actually working. But ignoring her while he is on his lunch break is crap. Does he ever play with her? Doesn't he want to spend time with her?

I’d ask him to switch his day from home as he’s making life harder than it needs to be.

Or switch your day off if you can (obvs work and nursery allowing).

I think he needs to remove himself from the equation, whether that be by swapping his days, or not eating just out of reach of your DD.

What a horrible man. Surely most fathers dote on their little children and would be delighted to spend 15 mins with them to play or eat or have a cuddle. Your poor DD. Does he know how he makes her feel when he ignores her and relegates to her to a lower status than the tv or the footy scores?

I assume he does all the childcare one day on Saturday / Sunday then

I just can’t imagine ignoring someone you love in that way. She’s a person, she’s his child, she’s not a chore.

OP we have the same on a Friday but in reverse - DH has the day off to look after DC and I work from home. I will always spend 15-20 mins with DC at lunch so DH can prep food. Then we either all eat together if I have time or I leave them to it and eat upstairs so I don’t distract them. I will also pop down to help for 5 mins if I hear DC is upset (sometimes he just needs a quick distraction to get back on track).

your husband is being selfish and lazy, and not a good dad.

If he's going to ignore her and upset her he either needs to:

1. Work in office and wfh a day no one else is in, or
2. Stay up out of the way all day - which will only work for so long as she's very young so I would encourage 1. Tbh.

He's a shit dad for ignoring her when he's free

Absolutely. What a complete arsehole. DH wfh full time and races down to see DD on the days lunch times coincide.

Of course YANBU. However YWBU to have any more children with him now you know his parenting style (non existent).

This is odd to me. My partner is a pain in the neck in so many ways, but if he is WFH and 2 year old is at home I end up sending him away to work upstairs or he gets involved in playing princesses/tea party etc. He likes working from home so he can see the big kids when they get home too.

Tip of the iceberg clearly Op

this is not a happy marriage from either side. When you find yourself posting multiple threads on mumsnet about your dissatisfaction and your happiness with your partner… perhaps time to start thinking about the future and the model of a relationship you will be setting for your children

yes but this is his lunchtime, he could spare 15 mins to give OP a break

This won't continue long term - When DD is older and no longer sits in a highchair she'll go and sit next to him if she wants. What will he do then?

What is the arrangement for care or nursery drop offs and cooking evening meal etc on the 4 days you do work? If it's 50/50 and he does pull his weight I might cut him some slack.

You've got to remember 18 months is a tough and frustrating age for any parent working or not. You have been doing it long enough to get into routines and habits but not really so long that you as an adult have matured regarding expectations of each other and the kids. Or in other words that stage is hard work, you have to watch them constantly.

It's fine if your day off is to care for her as long as it is all split evenly when he is off. What is it like otherwise?

If he can't sit at table to eat lunch with you and his dd, why are you and his dd with him?
It doesn't sound like he wants a relationship with either of you.

I think you have missed the point entirely. 🤣

OP YANBU if he has an hour for lunch he shouldn't begrudge you fifteen minutes in the day.

I read your thread last week. This is isn't a different topic. It's the same topic. Your husband is a selfish prick who is opting out of family life because he'd rather watch football. You're running yourself ragged while he sits on his arse. You said you spoke to him last week but here he is, still not doing anything.

If he's not willing to engage you need to decide if you're willing to put him with him and him being a shit role model for your DC or if you're getting out.

It is odd that image is actively ignoring her when he is downstairs and not working but, as this age, surely you get some time to make lunch/ empty washing machine/ etc, when she naps?

When my DH works from home it's hit and miss as to whether he spends any/ all of his lunch downstairs or at his desk. If he does have time for a proper break (i.e go for a walk) then we will split the time he has available so I can have a break too. It seems unreasonable if your DH is taking a full hour's break and you have no time... unless you get time when baby naps.

I get it he needs to focus on work, even though his at home. Work is work. But not wanting to interact with your child during 15 minutes lunch break is shit. Does he even like her?

Children don't care if its his lunch break, they want to see their Dad! Heartbreaking if Dad ignores them.

I can't honestly see what he is bringing to his daughters life.

I’d ask him to switch his day from home as he’s making life harder than it needs to be.

This. He can't be around her and completely ignore her. Either he's out of the way/in his office or he needs to engage with her.

Do you ask him to take her whilst you make lunch? I mean he should offer but he clearly doesn’t

I'd plonk her on his lap and go out for an hour.

Selfish git, making her upset.