To expect DH to look after DD for 15 minutes during his lunch break

[Sunflower1000]

I posted another threat recently about my DH attitude to house work and parenting but this is slightly different topic. On Fridays DH works from home. Friday is my day off as I work 4 days so I can spend Fridays with DD (18 months). DH spends most of his lunch hour at his desk upstairs checking football news. Then he comes down to make his lunch, refuses to play with DD at which point she is crying so I make mine and her lunch and try to calm her down. Then she eats in her high chair and I eat at the same time. DH eats his food on the sofa watching tv. This really distracts DD who wants his attention but he just stays there getting annoyed that she wants his food. Am I being unreasonable that not only he doesn't feel the need to play with DD but also doesn't show any under a sing of my day and would never offer to look after her for 15 mins so I can have my lunch, go to the loo or unload washing machine in peace? Basically what he says is that Friday is my day to look after her and he is working so shouldn't be disturbed. His work is not very busy or complex.

Has he ever interacted with her?

I don't know anything about your other threads so he might be a dreadful person and a horrible father. But in this instance I don't blame him for not wanting to engage on his lunchbreak. That would be his working time to relax as he sees fit. If his presence upsets your daughter and causes a drama, though, he should stay in his room. I also don't think people should be stopping work to distract their kids during the day, either.

No, this combines with the other thread to give the picture of a selfish, unempathic and uninterested parent. Not on.

He sounds like he views her as an annoying pet instead of his daughter. Arsehole.

He's got his hands free, and time to make lunch - it would make more sense for him to make them all lunch.

He's saying that he shouldn't be disturbed - but his actions are disturbing you and your dd's routine. Either you all act as the family you are, and forget about the whole "do not disturb" concept, or you both avoid any disturbance - him by taking his food to his workroom or going out.

Selfish behaviour, for contrast my DP works full time from home and on the days I am home with DD he looks after her for all her lunch break as I'm on compressed hours so work without a break at all 3 days a week, or we at least split it and have 30 minutes each. On the days I'm at work DD is at childcare so he gets a full hour to himself so he views it as fair that I get some time to myself too.

I, like most people, work so that I can enjoy my time with my family. They are my priority. He's showing you what he values. It's not either of you. Sorry OP. He sounds tedious

When dd was that age and we were wfh, we did not come out of our offices unless we were prepared to engage. Sometimes that meant packing a lunch or getting the other spouse to toss in food if the day wasn’t going as planned and we were ridiculously busy.

He absolutely shouldn’t be ignoring her but YABU.

He is at work all day and you are off all day.
It shouldn’t matter if he’s at home or not.

I don’t wfh but I would be pretty annoyed if someone treated my working day like I wasn’t actually working.

It would be different if you were working too that day and needed time away from your DC but you’re not.

After work is a completely different issue and he should definitely look after the baby so you can have a break.

YANBU

DH works from home all the time and I have 2 days off with our little one. DH takes her up to the home office, gives her lunch, the works as long as he is not in a busy meeting. He also does the school runs as many times as possible- this is because he knows I pick up the rest of the slack!

I was going to say maybe he was being somewhat reasonable as I thought he might have a 30 minute break and have to use loo, make lunch, eat etc, but he's got a bloody hour

That's so sad. That's really sad.

I'd sympathise a little with him if DH went out for a walk, or sat in the garden perhaps, or if he smoked, went outside for one.

Not just to read something he could do when your DC is asleep.

I doubt many parents would ignore a child who was reaching out to them. That is not a very caring attitude.
On the other hand if he were at work, you would manage all of the days activities including eating, going to the loo,etc., without any assistance whatsoever.

Maybe the least frustrating thing is to not plan your day off on his work from home day. He wants his work from home day to mirror his office day in terms of no family interruptions or expectations. You, on the other hand, want to factor in his involvement on the day that you have designated as time to spend with your daughter day. You have conflicting expectations of how your day should be spent.

The easiest solution is to arrange the schedule so that you are not in the house on the same day.

i mean this is the obvious aolution, but i assume, but having not read the other thread, that the dh is a bit of a knob anyway. Thinks parenting is beneath him?

when ive wfh and been busy i wouldnt want the children distracting me. But that certainly didnt include lunch. Dh works from home regularly and will make all meals, do two loads of washing and fill / unfill / refill the dishwasher in spurts when he is quiet.

This sort of thing makes me really cross. And sad for your Dd.

Of course she wants to spend time with him. He can’t both be there and ignore her.

He either, changes his wfh day so it doesn’t coincide with your nwd, or he interacts with whe when he’s downstairs. He can’t be there, and argue that his time is sacred and he can’t be disturbed.

He could also be considerate of you and give you your hands free for 15 mins. And / or make the lunch for all of you.

The siolution is to change his wfh day.Friday is a working day for him and lunch break is a break and not for child minding duries.

Having just done a search i see i actually commented on your previous thread. He is a knob

Please do not have any more children with him.

Can you actually bear to even share a bed with this specimen?

He either needs to come down and be present with you all during his break or go take his break outside the house / in his office. This halfway house isn't working.

Your husband is acting like a dick OP

What a miserable arsehole. Tell him to piss off to the office if he doesn't want to be a part of the family.

What a cruel man - does he have any redeeming qualities at all?

I was thinking this too

Why are you with him?

And some advice - don't have more kids with him and prepare to leave he sounds awful considering your daughter as a chore!

that is so sad. Does he even like his child?

Also astonished at the number of posters who think a father working from home needs his full lunchhour to relax and shouldn't be on "childminding duties" How many women use their lunchhour to do the shopping or run errands? And as the OP is working too - as in doing the childminding duties that are too onorous for man to spend 15 minutes doing - when is her lunchbreak?

The bar is so so low.