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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That having sent photos to potential date ..

133 replies

shyjenny · 24/02/2023 09:22

That he would comment on them?
Or at least say something??

I'm new to this dating game and did not post photos on my profile.

I got chatting to a man .. we're both 50... and we arranged a date for this weekend.
We've continued to exchanged messages and getting on as well as one can via WhatsApp since, but he hasn't acknowledged me sending them.

What are your thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Catspyjamas17 · 24/02/2023 11:38

I'd just say "Did you receive my photos ok?" as part of the chat.

ShirleyPhallus · 24/02/2023 11:41

MaybeSmaller · 24/02/2023 11:35

This was common if not standard in OLD before the likes of Tinder came along. Not saying this is the OP but if you're coming back to OLD after a decade or so you might struggle with the idea of putting photos up front and centre.

As for why a man would swipe on a profile with no photos. Responding to any and every profile (as a pp mentioned) is standard behaviour for a man because OLD is and always has been a numbers game for men. Most men on these apps have to plough through a huge number of profiles just to get any sort of match or response at all. That's not usually the case for women.

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s true that it’s a numbers game for all men. Enough men have swiped past me to know!

Calphurnia88 · 24/02/2023 12:48

Given he continued messaging you after you sent the photos I wouldn't read too much into it. Provided you're still happy to meet him, I would reserve judgement until after your date.

But yes, as others have said it's unusual not to put photos of yourself on your dating profile and you may be limiting your audience (or restricting to less desirable men) by doing so.

aob3 · 24/02/2023 13:00

Catspyjamas17 · 24/02/2023 11:38

I'd just say "Did you receive my photos ok?" as part of the chat.

That might sound like she is fishing for compliments

2bazookas · 24/02/2023 13:03

I'd consider it horribly crass and inappropriate if a stranger I'd never met DID make any comment on the photos. In the circumstances a well-mannered man would not comment on your looks, dress, age, appearance in a photo.

Bookworm20 · 24/02/2023 13:05

I would find it very odd he didn't comment at all on the photos. He is either 1. compltely clueless (unlikely), 2. He hasn't seen them somehow (not sure how), 3. he saw them typed a reply, got side tracked and thought he'd sent it when he hadn't (so at worst he is just a bit flaky) or 4. he is a bit of a knob. I mean if he was a genuinely nice guy, but wasn't sure if he fancied you physically but wanted to see how it went on the date, a simple, thanks for the photo, looking forward to our date' isn't hard is it? Its simple manners and someone nice would not want to hurt someones feelings.

Unfortunately if hes a knob he won't give 2 hoots about how you're feeling at having your pictures ignored.

I think in your situation, given that hes continued to message and totally ignore the photos you sent (yes, I'd find that rude tbh) I would mention the photos. Just say 'did you get my photo? You'll be able to recognise me when we meet now' and see what his response to that is.

hopefully it was scenario 3. He typed a reply and got side tracked before he had sent it.

RichardHeed · 24/02/2023 13:06

he's not hugely bothered about looks or superficial stiff but would be more into the spark or connection.

He said he doesn't swipe on anonymous profiles except that we were in such close proximity to one another.

Dunno, it sounds like he just wanted a shag on his doorstep to me but I’m old and cynical.

RichardHeed · 24/02/2023 13:12

2bazookas · 24/02/2023 13:03

I'd consider it horribly crass and inappropriate if a stranger I'd never met DID make any comment on the photos. In the circumstances a well-mannered man would not comment on your looks, dress, age, appearance in a photo.

Well, it’s hardly a stranger since they’ve been taking and getting to know each other. And it’s not like being hounded in the street by a stranger saying “phwoor you’re fit”. Would you not want to know if a potential romantic partner found you remotely attractive?

It’s more rude to ignore someone’s message than to make comment on it, even if he also found it horribly crass don’t you know he could have said “thank you for sending me a photo, I’m glad I can put a face to the name”

Treetopviews · 24/02/2023 13:12

I think I’d meet him quickly. There is something weird and desperate about arranging a date with no pics. It’s like he swipes on everyone and just hopes someone will respond.

Treetopviews · 24/02/2023 13:13

2bazookas · 24/02/2023 13:03

I'd consider it horribly crass and inappropriate if a stranger I'd never met DID make any comment on the photos. In the circumstances a well-mannered man would not comment on your looks, dress, age, appearance in a photo.

No, Really? If you sent a date pics, you’d find it crass if he commented? How very odd/

Calphurnia88 · 24/02/2023 13:54

Bookworm20 · 24/02/2023 13:05

I would find it very odd he didn't comment at all on the photos. He is either 1. compltely clueless (unlikely), 2. He hasn't seen them somehow (not sure how), 3. he saw them typed a reply, got side tracked and thought he'd sent it when he hadn't (so at worst he is just a bit flaky) or 4. he is a bit of a knob. I mean if he was a genuinely nice guy, but wasn't sure if he fancied you physically but wanted to see how it went on the date, a simple, thanks for the photo, looking forward to our date' isn't hard is it? Its simple manners and someone nice would not want to hurt someones feelings.

Unfortunately if hes a knob he won't give 2 hoots about how you're feeling at having your pictures ignored.

I think in your situation, given that hes continued to message and totally ignore the photos you sent (yes, I'd find that rude tbh) I would mention the photos. Just say 'did you get my photo? You'll be able to recognise me when we meet now' and see what his response to that is.

hopefully it was scenario 3. He typed a reply and got side tracked before he had sent it.

I mean there is an option 5, where he doesn't find her attractive but is too polite to say, and so moved the conversation on.

The simplest solution is for OP to ask if he got the photos OK but she needs to be prepared for an answer she might not like.

ShirleyPhallus · 24/02/2023 14:09

Bookworm20 · 24/02/2023 13:05

I would find it very odd he didn't comment at all on the photos. He is either 1. compltely clueless (unlikely), 2. He hasn't seen them somehow (not sure how), 3. he saw them typed a reply, got side tracked and thought he'd sent it when he hadn't (so at worst he is just a bit flaky) or 4. he is a bit of a knob. I mean if he was a genuinely nice guy, but wasn't sure if he fancied you physically but wanted to see how it went on the date, a simple, thanks for the photo, looking forward to our date' isn't hard is it? Its simple manners and someone nice would not want to hurt someones feelings.

Unfortunately if hes a knob he won't give 2 hoots about how you're feeling at having your pictures ignored.

I think in your situation, given that hes continued to message and totally ignore the photos you sent (yes, I'd find that rude tbh) I would mention the photos. Just say 'did you get my photo? You'll be able to recognise me when we meet now' and see what his response to that is.

hopefully it was scenario 3. He typed a reply and got side tracked before he had sent it.

My god the chances of him typing a reply then forgetting to send it are so slim, talk about clutching at straws.

Original poster
shyjenny · 24/02/2023 14:13

If he didn't have attraction towards me, he could have just finished the conversation couldnt he ?
Why would he bother to move the conversation on if no attraction?

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 24/02/2023 14:14

shyjenny · 24/02/2023 09:28

No I didn't but by virtue of the fact that I swiped him would have made it obvious that I found his photos attractive, but I see your point.

I'd say there's a good chance he doesn't find you attractive......neither does he find you unattractive so there's not much to say really, unless youre fishing for a compliment. You're probably just an 'average' middle-aged woman, looks wise.
He started up a convo without sering your pics so looks aren't his priority. In the nicest possible way he's not that interested in the pics....but he is interested in you. Meet up and take it from there.

Cocobutt · 24/02/2023 14:19

I think he’s just looking for a physical relationship and isn’t too bothered about looks.

He wanted the photo to prove you are who you say you are and aren’t hideous.

I would always compliment someone’s photo (even if they weren’t actually my type) and I do find it odd that he wouldn’t.

Original poster
shyjenny · 24/02/2023 14:32

@JudgeRudy not sure whether to feel insulted or complimented after your post🤣

OP posts:
Sirius3030 · 24/02/2023 14:42

He has massively disrespected you. Immediate red flags. Block and move on.

Original poster
shyjenny · 24/02/2023 14:44

I did feel a little unsettled by it as it had become a kind of a ' thing' yet he didn't bother to even acknowledge them not to mind comment or say thanks.
Anyone else think that he's disrespected me?

OP posts:
Luoisa · 24/02/2023 14:45

shyjenny · 24/02/2023 14:32

@JudgeRudy not sure whether to feel insulted or complimented after your post🤣

I found it harsh. And if it was the case of him not finding you attractive that certainly doesn't mean you're not attractive at all. Each and every one of us define attractive differently to one another!

Verynice1 · 24/02/2023 14:45

Are you still texting each other today op?

Cocobutt · 24/02/2023 14:52

If he didn’t acknowledge them at all then I’d wonder if he actually received them.

If I was you I would do as a PP suggested and ask if he received then.

Thepeopleversuswork · 24/02/2023 14:52

As kindly as possible, the way you've (both) approached this is highly unorthodox so I don't think there is a "normal" here.

Very odd not to put photos on a dating site (it's a dealbreaker for most people). Odd that he swiped right on you without photos. On your part slightly odd to send photos of yourself without having been asked and he presumably is slightly uncomfortable with the whole thing and doesn't quite know what to say.

People who do a lot of OD are often quite blase about the whole thing at this point in the process so sending pictures without being asked to do so is a bit strange.

It sounds like you're new to this so try not to overthink it all. There's no real right or wrong to any of this but just be careful and trust your instincts. But for future reference if you don't post pictures of yourself on a OD site most people will take that as a bad sign. It's shit but that's how it works.

FloydPepper · 24/02/2023 14:54

Poor bloke can’t win on here

if he has no pics he’d definitely be hiding something and probably married

he’s swiped on op so he must be only after a shag as she has no pics

if he comments on the ones she’s sent he’s shallow, if he doesn’t he’s only after a shag

PurpleButterflyWings · 24/02/2023 14:59

JudgeRudy · 24/02/2023 14:14

I'd say there's a good chance he doesn't find you attractive......neither does he find you unattractive so there's not much to say really, unless youre fishing for a compliment. You're probably just an 'average' middle-aged woman, looks wise.
He started up a convo without sering your pics so looks aren't his priority. In the nicest possible way he's not that interested in the pics....but he is interested in you. Meet up and take it from there.

Show quote history

You have the right username. Judge RUDE-Y. What an unkind post.

PurpleButterflyWings · 24/02/2023 15:00

Sirius3030 · 24/02/2023 14:42

He has massively disrespected you. Immediate red flags. Block and move on.

WTF? 😂