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AIBU?

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Original poster

That having sent photos to potential date ..

133 replies

shyjenny · 24/02/2023 09:22

That he would comment on them?
Or at least say something??

I'm new to this dating game and did not post photos on my profile.

I got chatting to a man .. we're both 50... and we arranged a date for this weekend.
We've continued to exchanged messages and getting on as well as one can via WhatsApp since, but he hasn't acknowledged me sending them.

What are your thoughts on this?

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 24/02/2023 10:08

underneaththeash · 24/02/2023 09:52

I assume he doesn't find you attractive.

It's odd not having photos on a dating site.....

Agree on both points

skyfalldown · 24/02/2023 10:08

I find it very odd that someone wouldn't have photos on a dating profile.

and even odder to then send them later on

Theyresexpeoplemn · 24/02/2023 10:09

I hope you are planning on meeting somewhere safe. You sound very niave.

PurpleButterflyWings · 24/02/2023 10:12

@shyjenny

As previous posters said - it's strange that he swiped right for you when there is no photograph of you on there.. Also, there's not much he can say about the photo you sent without coming across as creepy or cheesy... 'oh, you're so pretty, or that's a lovely photograph of you blah blah blah...'

Also, I think it's kind of disingenuous of you to say you're annoyed he hasn't commented on your photograph, and yet you fully admitted you haven't commented on his.

It looks like you are new to the dating game. Good luck with this, but I don't think he has done anything wrong at all. Although it is strange that he swiped right when you had no photo of yourself.

Also, you said you did put photos - but not of you. Sooo, what did you put? Your cat?! Confused

Whataretheodds · 24/02/2023 10:12

I don't think it's rude, no. You didn't say 'thanks for including photos of yourself on your profile'.

He might not know what to say that doesn't sound creepy.

I think it a bit more weird that he arranged a date with you having no idea what you look like and having only texted you a bit. It's not like you've been set up by friends.

Was the phone call arranged before the photos were sent?

User57632678 · 24/02/2023 10:14

Did he ask for them? I had a bloke recently keep sending me pics of himself on WhatsApp that I hadn’t asked for sporadically during conversation and I ignored them because I found it weird and like he was fishing for compliments.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 24/02/2023 10:25

Maybe you didn't send the right sort of pics.

MGMidget · 24/02/2023 10:25

He probably feels a bit awkward to comment and doesnt want to look shallow by focussing on looks when you clearly kept photos off your profile so appear not to want people to choose you on your looks! If he still wants to meet then that is confirmation he is still interested. And meeting someone in person makes a huge difference as people can look quite different in a carefully staged or filtered photo! Why not just see how it goes?

MrsSkylerWhite · 24/02/2023 10:27

If you met someone for the first time in real life, would you expect them to comment on your appearance?
I’d find that a bit weird. You’re still talking, he likes the look of you. Not sure what else you were expecting?

emptythelitterbox · 24/02/2023 10:28

Since you're meeting him in the next day or two I'd say just go ahead and meet him. Where are you planning to meet?

In the future, chat for a bit like one or two days, talk on the phone once or twice, then facetime them once. so you can see if they are who they say they are and that they look like what they claim to. This should take no more than 4 or 5 days total for all of it. Men who are interested will agree to these things and they'll be keen to meet in person soon.

This helps weed out the perpetual pen pals who want to chat on and on for weeks, months, but never actually meet up. I recall seeing men who had been on the dating sites for years! Men who are scammers in some other country. Men who are married or living with someone as they won't be willing to facetime from their home in the evening unless it's late at night after the wife has gone to bed. Plus you can see if he lives in squalor as I'm sure you don't want that either.
Talking on the phone, of course you get to hear what they sound like. Sometimes we just don't click with people's voices.

Just a few tips that might be helpful.

HellonHeels · 24/02/2023 10:30

shyjenny · 24/02/2023 09:48

I did upload photos but not of myself .

Did you post photos of your fancy sports car? Or a big fish you'd caught?

SpotOnMyBot · 24/02/2023 10:32

I found most people without photos were hiding something - usually married

ShirleyPhallus · 24/02/2023 10:33

HellonHeels · 24/02/2023 10:30

Did you post photos of your fancy sports car? Or a big fish you'd caught?

Show quote history

or next to a drugged tiger in Thailand?

BearLeft · 24/02/2023 10:54

He’s obviously blind. Audio descriptions work for text but aren’t great for pics. When he shows up with his dog and stick, you’ll be fine that he hasn’t mentioned it. Because you’re not exactly open from the outset either.

Original poster
shyjenny · 24/02/2023 10:54

Ok @BearLeft 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
BearLeft · 24/02/2023 11:03

I met my last three husbands on Tinder. I’ve got this dating thing nailed.

VictorStrand · 24/02/2023 11:09

I think he didn't comment because he though you'd sent the photos for practical reasons ie so he could recognise you when you meet up. The fact he continued to message after seeing the photos means he must think you look ok/fine/gorgeous.

knittingaddict · 24/02/2023 11:09

I've never done online dating in my lfe, but my daughter has. She would definitely ignore any without a photo and I'm amazed that anyone would contact you without knowing what you look like.

It's not because looks matter the most, but have you seen some of the photos on apps? Some are of gorgeous men, but they are someone you would never date - body builders, facial tattoos, too groomed, look like they never wash, look a bit like an ex who abused you. Photos tell you more about a person than how attractive they are.

Nanny0gg · 24/02/2023 11:10

Bleakhouser · 24/02/2023 09:49

I think it’s very strange OP, that he wouldn’t even comment on you sending him photos. Surely that’s a normal thing to do, make at least some reference to them?

What would you expect? 'Phwoar!'

I can't think what would be an appropriate response when it's not someone you actually know!

Bleakhouser · 24/02/2023 11:13

Nanny0gg · 24/02/2023 11:10

What would you expect? 'Phwoar!'

I can't think what would be an appropriate response when it's not someone you actually know!

Show quote history

How about a simple ‘thanks for the picture, glad to put a face to the name’

MyAnacondaMight · 24/02/2023 11:16

You’re asking what the norm is. The norm is to upload photos of yourself to your dating profile.

You’re the one doing things unusually, and now you’re nit picking at whether he has reacted appropriately to your curve ball. I literally can’t think of a way he could react that wouldn’t risk being misconstrued. At best, I might try something like “thanks for sharing. You have a great smile.” But even that is awkward.

If you want to avoid this sort of awkward, then upload some photos upfront. Don’t blame the poor guy in this scenario.

NoGoodUsernamee · 24/02/2023 11:26

I do get it up, like ‘you look lovely, looking forward to meeting.’ Maybe… but obviously if you’re still chatting and he wants to meet you he like what he saw but didn’t want to come over seedy by saying ‘you’re beautiful!’ Or something equally lame.

Josette77 · 24/02/2023 11:27

Upload pics of yourself. It's really weird not to attraction matters.

MaybeSmaller · 24/02/2023 11:35

skyfalldown · 24/02/2023 10:08

I find it very odd that someone wouldn't have photos on a dating profile.

and even odder to then send them later on

This was common if not standard in OLD before the likes of Tinder came along. Not saying this is the OP but if you're coming back to OLD after a decade or so you might struggle with the idea of putting photos up front and centre.

As for why a man would swipe on a profile with no photos. Responding to any and every profile (as a pp mentioned) is standard behaviour for a man because OLD is and always has been a numbers game for men. Most men on these apps have to plough through a huge number of profiles just to get any sort of match or response at all. That's not usually the case for women.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 24/02/2023 11:36

I would expect a response to a photo being sent even if it was just 'lovely photo'.