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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised these children don’t have proper beds?

383 replies

FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 22:14

Out of DC’s friends whose houses we’ve visited, I’ve seen three who don’t have proper beds, just a mattress on the floor. I’m really surprised because these aren’t poor families by any means (professional jobs, foreign holidays, nice clothes, etc) and the parents all have beds themselves! AIBU to think a bed is one of the most basic things you’d buy your child if your standard of living is generally good? Or is this totally normal?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Laquila · 23/02/2023 23:09

namechangeforthisbleep · 23/02/2023 23:02

What's the difference tho?

About ten cm, really 😳 not something I can get wound up about - playing devil's advocate but your kids could have grubby unhygienic beds (on bedframes) or squeaky clean fancy mattresses on the floor with zillion thread count linen...it's not an indicator of anything, really, is it?

quietnightmare · 23/02/2023 23:10

@Mammyloveswine @DuplicateUserName

According to OP 'in these parts' they all show their friends around each others houses

Moonicorn · 23/02/2023 23:10

We have a single mattress which we put next to DD’s toddler bed when she was poorly so one of us could keep an eye on her. She became very taken with it and somehow ended up sleeping on it as a more permanent arrangement Confused last week we had a double bed delivered for her as I’m expecting DC2 in a few weeks and DH will be sharing with her for the foreseeable so me and baby can take the main bedroom. Sleeping habits and patterns with kids can be very weird!

Original poster
FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 23:11

Ha, I guess showing guests round the house (not exactly “inspecting” 🤔) isn’t the done thing then? Better tell my DC and their friends! Though tbf my DC aren’t allowed to play in my room when their friends are over!

OP posts:
Miy · 23/02/2023 23:12

As long as they are safe and sleeping clean space, that's all that matters. You never know if the children like sleeping on mattress. Some children like the camping tent style, and the floor bed is nice for that.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/02/2023 23:12

For very little children, I’m aware it’s reasonably common to have a very low or floor level bed - it’s safer for them and then they don’t need a bed guard or anything. They can also climb in and out easily and be more independent.

However I’d think it was unusual at school age.

dogdaydown · 23/02/2023 23:13

LucyLeave · 23/02/2023 22:43

Well l if you are a 'nice' MC family it will be deemed ok to sleep on mattress on the floor. . WC family it would be seen as neglect..

This!

Although I think there is nothing wrong at all with little ones sleeping on mattresses on the floor.

They seem to love it and are close to their siblings,

LetThemEatTurnips · 23/02/2023 23:13

TitInATrance · 23/02/2023 22:51

20 years ago we knew a family where the children did not have beds, or much other furniture. They kept two horses and it felt odd to me that they weren’t prioritising the children’s comfort.

If have chosen a horse over a bed any day as a kid.

I think people are very narrow-minded. A comfortable, healthy, warm and safe place to sleep is required, but a bed frame is not. If social workers are thick enough to judge on that there's no hope.

00100001 · 23/02/2023 23:14

Eyerollcentral · 23/02/2023 23:02

It is unusual to have a bed yourself and not buy them for your children. I would want to make sure the flooring was pretty clean tbh!

Show quote history

Ha ha how dirty do you think a bedroom floor gets when it's underneath a mattress?

Btjdkfnn · 23/02/2023 23:16

a thick mattress on the floor is actually better than a thin mattress on a hard bed

I do have a thick mattress on the floor in my house as I sometimes sleep there with the dog. It's perfectly fine, honestly.

Original poster
FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 23:16

Yes, I suspect there is a strong class element to how SS might perceive this, sadly

OP posts:
Btjdkfnn · 23/02/2023 23:17

Oh and when my kids were little, they were not particularly great physically and would fall. I bought very low beds for this reason. In retrospect, I should have put a mattress on the floor.

00100001 · 23/02/2023 23:18

FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 23:16

Yes, I suspect there is a strong class element to how SS might perceive this, sadly

Not really. They'd be looking at if there were sheets on the bed, mould in room, dirt levels etc rather than whether it's raised up 30cm ...

LoveableDave · 23/02/2023 23:18

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 23/02/2023 22:24

My DD has always had a proper bed and has slept in it consistently for the last year or so but between 4 and 7 she much preferred sleeping in novelty places, either on a pile of teddies in a den she'd made in her room or on the floor in a sleeping bag. Before 4 she would finagle her way into our bed every bloody night and starfish in the middle so we were sleeping right on the edge clinging on by our fingertips hoping we didn't end up on the floor.

I still recall the sheer panic I felt over 40 years ago when I went into our daughter's room and she wasn't in bed, looked under the bed, other rooms, downstairs with no success. As a very last resort I went back into her room and looked again under the bed, there she was almost glued to the wall, as far back as she could have got, fast asleep.

lochmaree · 23/02/2023 23:19

TheOtherHotstepper · 23/02/2023 23:01

DGS is nearly 3. He's never had a Moses basket or a crib or a cot. In the day he contact naps on his DM and at night they co-sleep on a mattress on the floor and have done since birth. There is no plan to buy him a bed any time soon. Apparently this all ties in with the style of parenting she has chosen to adopt.

Meanwhile, his DF has the marital bed all to himself, but that's another can of worms.

you sound very judgy!

my now 3yo had most of his naps as contact naps, right up until he stopped napping. he still sleeps with me at night. he's never had a cot other than a next2me which didn't get used. my DH sleeps in the master bedroom. it works for us, everyone is happy.

DuckDuckNo · 23/02/2023 23:22

FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 22:14

Out of DC’s friends whose houses we’ve visited, I’ve seen three who don’t have proper beds, just a mattress on the floor. I’m really surprised because these aren’t poor families by any means (professional jobs, foreign holidays, nice clothes, etc) and the parents all have beds themselves! AIBU to think a bed is one of the most basic things you’d buy your child if your standard of living is generally good? Or is this totally normal?

Perhaps it's cultural? We sleep on futons on tatami and I can assure you it's not because we cannot provide for our children.

Eyerollcentral · 23/02/2023 23:22

00100001 · 23/02/2023 23:14

Ha ha how dirty do you think a bedroom floor gets when it's underneath a mattress?

Show quote history

Obvs the floor which is inches from a young child’s face, not the floor under the mattress 🫠

00100001 · 23/02/2023 23:23

There's nothing inherently neglectful about providing just a mattress instead of a mattress and a bedframe.

It's like you're imagining the kids sleeping in some sort of crack den...

As if these two bedrooms would have the same level of concern from SS?

To be surprised these children don’t have proper beds?
To be surprised these children don’t have proper beds?
Original poster
FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 23:24

Obvs the floor which is inches from a young child’s face, not the floor under the mattress 🫠

😁

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 23/02/2023 23:24

I’m with the OP. Happy for my dog to sleep on a mattress on the floor but us humans in the home require a bed, next to a bedside table, with a lamp on and somewhere to put your book, drink and bits. I just think ‘floor beds’ look like a squat or student digs.

LocatioLocationLocomotion · 23/02/2023 23:25

Growing up my parents neglected me and my Mum in particular didn’t really buy me the things that I needed so I was often in clothes too small, inappropriate for the weather etc. I accidentally broke my bed when I was a very young teen and she didn’t buy me another one so I just had a mattress on the floor for the remainder of my time there. It hurt my back and was quite embarrassing. I also didn’t have a wardrobe after that fell apart so my clothes were pretty much strewn about or in boxes. Not a nice way to live and stressed me out.

But mattresses on the floor aren’t necessarily a sign of neglect. Montessori principles encourage floor beds for young children for independence. I would love to do this for my toddler but we have really bad mould so it’s impossible, plus the floor is cold and drafty :( I hope to do so when we move though. For older kids some children might like it or want it that way.

Its all about context.

00100001 · 23/02/2023 23:26

Eyerollcentral · 23/02/2023 23:22

Obvs the floor which is inches from a young child’s face, not the floor under the mattress 🫠

Show quote history

Oh the same child that was rolling round and crawling on the same floor 30 minutes previously as part of their game with their cuddly toys?

Yes, you might as well put them to sleep on a leaky raft in an open sewer if you're going to allow them to sleep 5cm above that same filthy disgusting infested carpet...

Original poster
FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 23:26

Perhaps it's cultural?

The families are not from cultures where this is common afaik but now I know it’s a Montessori thing it makes more sense in the context

OP posts:
LocatioLocationLocomotion · 23/02/2023 23:27

00100001 · 23/02/2023 23:23

There's nothing inherently neglectful about providing just a mattress instead of a mattress and a bedframe.

It's like you're imagining the kids sleeping in some sort of crack den...

As if these two bedrooms would have the same level of concern from SS?

Exactly my thoughts.

Original poster
FlappyValley · 23/02/2023 23:28

I’m sorry @LocatioLocationLocomotion — that sounds tough

OP posts: