To be surprised these children don’t have proper beds?

[FlappyValley]

Out of DC’s friends whose houses we’ve visited, I’ve seen three who don’t have proper beds, just a mattress on the floor. I’m really surprised because these aren’t poor families by any means (professional jobs, foreign holidays, nice clothes, etc) and the parents all have beds themselves! AIBU to think a bed is one of the most basic things you’d buy your child if your standard of living is generally good? Or is this totally normal?

My childhood best friend and her brother slept on mattresses on the floor in the eaves section of their converted loft bedrooms - it was so cosy. Never occurred to me, even in adulthood, that it was a negative thing.

Fascinating to see such diverse views. Incredible how sure some people are that they are right, and that theirs is the only way - reminds me of my mother.
Our DS had a cabin bed, his choice, and mostly slept happily in it in a sleeping bag. But periodically when he was perhaps 8 to 10, he would have a spell of experimenting with sleeping in as many different places as possible. He was home educated and did a lot of experimenting. He also tried to adapt his diurnal rhythm by living to a 25hr clock at one time, until he got back to where he started. He liked to know he was adaptable and could survive in whatever conditions he found himself in and he was interested in whether he felt differently when he slept in different places and ways.
One time it was on the doormat at the front door, which was a metre square and required him to curl up like a cat. Another time he let himself out of the door after we were asleep, and spent the night on a wide (but not wide enough in my view) bough of an old tree.
I was mainly relieved that I hadn't known at the time. We pointed out that he had left the door unlocked all night, for which he apologised as he had overlooked that. When we did not make an issue of how hair-raising the idea of sleeping up a tree like a chimpanzee was, he admitted he had not slept well, because he had to remain slightly alert to be sure of not falling off. He decided he was glad he had done it, but he would not do it again. His friends were interested that he had done it, and all climbed up to try it out themselves, and agreed there was no way they wanted to copy him - which I was glad of, as I had visions of having to explain the situation to other parents.

Really? Your ds left the house at night without you knowing and slept outside? Wtf

If I saw a child sleeping outside a front door on the doormat I would call the police.

Well quite.

I think it's strange. My friend works for social service and she said she sees a lot of kids sleeping on a mattress on the floor.

We have spent £500 on beds for my daughter, and she sleeps on this £70 very velvety incredibly soft but comfy have skeleton on it myself type mattress. she has quite severe sensory issues so is very particular. Her room is quite big and still has her single bed, we took down the bunk bed she wanted as never slept in it. I honestly think if anyone come around would they would judge without knowing the background. She also doesn't like bed covers. I know it's bizarre and hope one day this changes.

Typo not 'skeleton'😂 "slept on it myself.

Yes absolutely - but having said that I don’t think more income would make beds spring to mind for us - that’s all I mean. We have got used to it and there are many positives. I did understand what you meant sorry to be unclear.

No, he slept on the inner doormat - that's why he only had a square metre to sleep in.
When he went out and slept up a tree, we were all on holiday in a castle in its own grounds.
He was an extreme child, presumably ND but didn't fit any ASD criteria. Our mothers both said separately that he had a double dose of whatever we had, and now we knew what it had been like for them bringing us up. Unfortunately I wasn't well enough to have any more DC.
He was very articulate, loved his friends and thrived on freedom. He couldn't stand being ordered about but would mostly do as he was asked if asked courteously. He believed in accepting well-reasoned constraints in order to make a community function well, as long as they were applied justly. We took him out of school after a year, as his teachers were bullying sergeant-majors, but the local authority inspectors delighted in him. We reckoned that if we gave him a free childhood he would cope with the injustices of society more easily when he matured, and that was so.
I just wanted to show some people on here how extreme their conventional attitudes are, and how unkind and untrue their criticisms, by showing an example of the opposite extreme that worked. There is no such thing as being 'right' in these things, just of what suits the whole family.

@GreenFritillary your DS sounds wonderful!

When he went out and slept up a tree, we were all on holiday in a castle in its own grounds

That's fine then. Lucky you weren't on a council estate or I'd imagine the police and social services would have been all over you.

ok.
I know a fair bit about social services due to my eldest’s mental health and autism diagnoses. In trying to find her “help” I had to have their involvement for assessment on more than one occasion. In the end they couldn’t offer anything and we were discharged. However, I got to see them up close. A few important points:

1. there is massive stigma around social services and this absolute fear of them meant it took years before I even accepted their assessment to help my daughter.
2. they are a total nightmare. Talk about being under a microscope. Never again.
3. CAMHS mentioned to them that my eldest had a mattress on the floor (I was livid), so someone came to see. I showed them that we ALL sleep on a mattress on the floor. They left apologetically. One of the nicer social workers took the time to tell me she thought I’m an excellent mother and the kids are all well cared for, healthy and happy and very well adjusted. The mattresses were never mentioned apart from to say everyone looked comfortable.

it intrigues me that people have the time to have so much bike to spill about this choice that done make or make out of necessity. Honestly - I spent some time growing up in a down and out suburb in Colombia, South America (I’m English but my Dad’s work took us there for a spell). Many people don’t have glass in their windows or a bed to themselves. Sometimes kids don’t get more than one meal a day. Does that make their parents bad parents? Not at all. And the people tend to be generous to a fault. Just a bit of perspective - what a ridiculous hoo ha over healthy floor sleeping - in no way, shape or form can this be considered a safeguarding bloody issue!!!

there’s always context. If a kid has a bare mattress on the floor AND suffers abuse of various kinds at the hands of those who care for them - THEN this is indicative of a problem.

my own children, loved, provided for and wrapped up warm in comfortable beds every night should be a concern to no one. Sure we don’t have money and we do without some things - but what matters we cater to and judging us or any floor sleepers based on not sleeping raised a few inches from the earth is complete nonsense.

Typos apologies - feeding baby while typing….

Honestly sounds a lot like my daughter - she tried to live outside once and spent a summer spending all day in my car. She slept in the bath once and in our conservatory for months.
she has PDA (pathological demand avoidance - cannot order her to do anything or her anxiety means she will go to extreme ends to avoid doing the thing requested). She doesn’t go to school and couldn’t.

I am glad you raised the points you have. Thank you

Hope you never drive your kids anywhere or give them anything but organic natural food or ever take them near a road ... Why take unnecessary risks with your children's health...?

My kids room has a bunk with a double and single mattress on the floor underneath. They both choose the bottom mattresses most of the time. All the kids are climbers and big movers in their sleep so it was the safest option for them. Very much Montessori inspired.

I didn’t takeout as ‘judgy’ just asking if it was a thing. Don’t be so quick to jump.

I understood what you meant , but people like to pick on others it makes them feel important.

@threatmatrix

From the ops initial post "AIBU to think a bed is one of the most basic things you’d buy your child if your standard of living is generally good?"

Id say that's pretty bloody judgemental!

www.tomsguide.com/news/can-you-put-a-mattress-on-the-floor-for-sleeping

I know the example given in this situation is of children of affluent parents who, for some unknown reason, sleep on mattresses on the floor. However, there are families where having a bed is something of a luxury. When this happens, it can be really difficult on so many levels.

A close relative had serious financial problems. She was married with two primary aged sons. The family rented a house that, quite frankly, was in a deplorable condition. It was damp, it was cold, and everything seemed to be broken. The landlord was full of promises to repair, but very slow to respond.

Due to the cold and damp, the boys and their mother slept in the living room downstairs. The room was small, but they put a sofa-bed in the room, so the boys could huddle up together for warmth. Mum also slept in the room downstairs , on a bed made of two chairs a sleeping bag. The youngest son had additional needs, and would not sleep without his mum being near. Dad slept upstairs in the least damp bedroom.

The boys worried about friends coming to the house and asking where the beds were, or commenting on other things (cold, mould, the smell and so on). The eldest did invite a friend he trusted around and, unfortunately, the friend decided to gain a few laughs at school by telling the whole class what the house was like. The eldest said nothing, the teacher did nothing, and the friendship ended.

Both boys did not sleep well. Mum had to get up early for work, and that disturbed them, and the living room looked out onto a busy street that was noisy even at night. When they went to secondary school, at least one of the boys would spend lunch break asleep in the sick room with headaches brought on by fatigue. Neither child reached his full potential.

So, I know this is a somewhat light-hearted thread, but I just thought I would beat my drum to say there really are issues with deprivation and poverty in this country, and there really are families where sleeping in a warm bed is a luxury.

It's not remotely "judgemental"🤨
Most people consider beds to be basic furnishing.

I remember being about 17 and ignoring my bed and sleeping instead on a fold on mattress left by a sleeping over friend. For some reason I preferred it at that stage. Still don't mind a mattress on the floor, nice a firm and no dodgy springs.

My divan bed doesn't have slats and is perfectly fine and not mouldy