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Original poster

What would you do if you were us?

358 replies

BigOldOak · 23/02/2023 05:47

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

OP posts:
Cherryana · 23/02/2023 19:11

With those choices I would go for stay put but go on lots more holidays.

You could spend summers in France and air b n b a large house for 6 weeks every year. Barbados in February every year… it sounds like you have the finances to dream it and do it, if you don’t throw it into a money pit.

museumum · 23/02/2023 19:12

Option 1 but go back to work / reignite your career. It sounds like you’re a bit bored. You’ve run out of “projects”.

Option 2 house could be the project you’re looking for but not if you need to go back to work to afford it. You’ll have the project but no time or energy to tackle it.

Peony26 · 23/02/2023 19:13

We are kind of in your situation. Except we’ve renovated a few homes and built ourselves up so we now have an immaculate home near lots of amenities, with a huge amount of equity. And I’m just about to go back to work after having our youngest. But we are craving another reno, thought we were gonna stay put and invest in an holiday rental, but we have spotted what would be the dream, with a holiday let attached!

It’s hard work, extremely stressful and stops you from having much of a social life doing a big project, but if your homes really important to you as it is to me, then it’s worth it. And you can always bring people to you, host more then it’s cheaper than a night out but you get to socialise. The financial side is definitely a worry as things are insane atm, the cost of everything is rising rapidly!

If you don’t do it now, you’ll probably never do it, but only you and your husband know how much you can take

ChrisPPancake · 23/02/2023 19:13

If option 2 is listed then I'd avoid.
Having the land but not having the time to work it due to having to work full time to pay a larger mortgage also sucks.
There must be a middle ground somewhere, does it really have to be this house right now @BigOldOak ?

BTMadmummy · 23/02/2023 19:18

Option 1 but have to say I’d be tempted.

Nina9870 · 23/02/2023 19:19

Option 2 doesn’t sound good tbh. I’d not been throwing away your comfortable, lovely life for basically a doer upper 🤷‍♀️ stay put and enjoy life

Scousefab · 23/02/2023 19:19

Don’t do it lol keep the house you have, I moved because of neighbours to a diy house and it’s been 8 years of meither. Tradespeople have no standards ( appreciate there is some good ones out there so not knocking all of the them) much noisier then where I was previously and can’t move until the house is finished because will lose money. Wait it out a few years I would only move if you don’t like your neighbours. Have nice holidays and enjoy yourselves. Wish I could turn back the clock myself and have that advice lol.

Luckyduc · 23/02/2023 19:25

If you have money then take those children of yours and travel! Show them the whole world, teach them, read with them, take out out 7.00 monthly membership that allows you to download twinkl resources that the schools use, join mathletics and take your kids to museums and days out...make memories, but at the same time you're also given them the education that is needed to do well. Your kids will still be super smart if you put the work in.

As for your barn....as lovely as that sounds, is it worth the risk because price hikes are happening everywhere. Can you afford to mortgage if it increased and the heating bills? What if you lost your job?

Personally I'd be making sure my kids had the best life possible.

GyozaGuiting · 23/02/2023 19:25

As someone who moved into a period, large 'project' DON'T DO IT! Enjoy paying off your mortgage and enjoy life! Use the extra money to take that holiday with your kids you always wanted!

Harrysmummy246 · 23/02/2023 19:26

I would be ecstatic if our house didn't need anything doing and we were close to the beach.

MaggieMaze · 23/02/2023 19:26

How much money could you generate from converting the outbuilding? If you could run a successful Airbnb would that be a good income for you? Is it in a place people want to come stay? Also depends how much you like or dislike your potential job? And also if you have to go back to work to fund option 2 will there be any time for renovation? I'm working with a cottage to renovate and young kids and honestly I do one thing a month....its so slow.

Though private school isn't always better. Depends on the kid and the school.

But sounds like you don't think much of the state school

KatherineJaneway · 23/02/2023 19:27

Option 1

BeeBB · 23/02/2023 19:27

Option 1 - sounds idyllic, its a no brainer you are extremely lucky.

As they get older lots of ferrying about to do. Option 2 sounds hard work reading about never mind living it.

mamnotmum · 23/02/2023 19:28

Option 1. Definitely! Stay financially secure and enjoy it. Have lots of experiences and holidays with the kids.

Try state education and know you've got the money to go private if you want to at any point.

myfaceismyown · 23/02/2023 19:29

OP this is my experience. We jumped for a bigger, detached, derelict property with a huge garden when my DD was 3 and we were trying for DS. We moved from a comfortable semi in a nice area. Looking back what we took on sounds crazy. It was a mile from my work so I would walk home in my lunch hour and assemble a kitchen unit or varnish a few floor boards. When I was pregnant I was up a long ladder fixing the flashing and laid new joist and floorboards in the sitting room! It was hard work, no denying, but my kids memories are really good and we have been here for 20 years. The house is part of us. We built them a secret garden, and everything was the way we wanted it to be. It is a great house for parties!
Now our DCs are older we are currently considering the leap again, but this time will be far easier as we have made a lot of money on this house, have paid off the mortgage, and the next place will be put straight into DCs names to avoid the eventual inheritance tax. We are actually looking forward to getting out the power tools again as it is a shared project, something DH and I both enjoy and we do together. My DD has also been learning some DIY skill and wants to be involved. (DS has special needs, but does enjoy taking things to throw at the tip!!)
If you want the new adventure please do go for it. Don't live where you are for the next decade or so regretting your choice.

WilsonMilson · 23/02/2023 19:31

Option 2 sounds like a money pit. It’s no fun scrimping in a massive house.

Option 1 would be my choice all day long. The security and peace of mind of no money worries cannot be overstated. Still get a job, but stay where you are at least for now. Think of all the extra luxuries that you will can afford staying where you are that actually make your life better.

YukoandHiro · 23/02/2023 19:32

Stay.

Guis · 23/02/2023 19:32

Nice neighbours are worth their weight in gold.

Panjandrum123 · 23/02/2023 19:33

Definitely look into option 2 otherwise you’ll always regret it. Get a thorough survey done so you know what might lay in store and consider what might crawl out of the woodwork too. If you still want to do it, go for it. Look at global warming and coastal erosion too. You don’t want to sink everything into something that will be washed away in 50 years time.

Private education is a nice luxury but a house us better.

BigotSpigot · 23/02/2023 19:35

Your option 2 is a big leap, probably too big in a falling market. All your stars would have to align to make this work and not be hugely stressful for you all, if one of you gets ill, loses a job and you are living on a building site it could be a disaster (I have had this experience...). Maybe move but find an option 3 which is less all or nothing.

Blossomtoes · 23/02/2023 19:35

the next place will be put straight into DCs names to avoid the eventual inheritance tax.

Be very, very careful. For this to work you need to pay them market rent and prove you’ve done so. You’ll also cost them additional stamp duty if and when they purchase their own properties. There are very good reasons we don’t all do it.

Jack80 · 23/02/2023 19:37

Stay

LoisLane66 · 23/02/2023 19:38

In 25 years you might be looking to downsize to something more manageable as you get older and kids leave home.
Higher bills all round not including renovations.

ArDi · 23/02/2023 19:40

We did option 2. BUT it didn't involve compromising on the children's education. I don't think I would ever do that.

Education aside: It's a glorious place to live, and we love it, and don't regret it but bear in mind:

  • It costs at least double what we thought in running costs, maintenance, gardeners, etc.
  • Even the "doing it up" jobs cost more than we factored in, as period features aren't cheap and you can't furnish a place like that with IKEA. We've resigned ourselves to not having new bathrooms, kitchen etc as the old ones work - just look a bit shabby. We tell ourselves it's rustic charm!
  • The children are more isolated - we spend a lot of time taking them to places in the car. But every time we drive down the lane to our house tucked away in the trees, we get a little thrill. They love it here too.
  • We have fewer amazing holidays now - maybe only one more before the children leave home. But everyday family life is nicer, as we have space and peace.
  • We have had to train ourselves not to worry about the future. We enjoy it for now. If financial disaster strikes we would have to sell, so we don't worry, we enjoy, and if we did have to sell we know we could be happy in a smaller place, as we were before. This has been the hardest thing. I did post about this dream house turning into a nightmare a few months ago - my husband's constant stress about keeping the mortgage beast fed was turning him into a shadow, but we got through it and have found a balance.

The school would be a dealbreaker for me though. Find a similar place nearer the good schools. (Or get the kids into the good schools, then move)

LoisLane66 · 23/02/2023 19:41

As @Blossomtoes points out, there are pitfalls including the fact that when your children start work, their income from your rent will have to be declared and will mean they pay more tax.