What would you do if you were us?

[BigOldOak]

Sell or stay? Both turned 40 this month. DC 10 & 2.

YANBU Option 1- stay where we are. Been here 20+ years, nothing left to do to house, low maintenance, small garden, kids bedrooms aren’t massive, modern comforts and warm. Lovely safe community village, beach on doorstep, good neighbours, but are surrounded by them on all sides as an estate.
Small mortgage meaning no £ worries, DC could have private education, I don’t have to go back to work.

Option 2- move to large period house, lots of potential, barn (that could be converted and rented out), 2 acres, very secluded but can walk to the town. Needs a lot of maintenance cosmetic work as basic original eg old windows/kitchen/bathroom but nothing structural. Would have no/minimal money for renovations until I go back to work (which I’d planned to do when nursery free hours start), starting again with a big mortgage, tighter financial belt, no holidays/private school. DC could just about walk to the only school (huge with not a great reputation)

I love gardening and DIY, DH not so much. Big house and garden would be a dream forever home for us all but does it trump education and £ security? We have always been cautious but for some reason both feel like taking a leap!

Or are we having midlife crises?

Stay put! Older houses are money pits & you’d be gaining less (privacy more land) for what you’ll be giving up.

Kids stuck on the countryside is no fun for them socially as teens etc.

Count your blessings & enjoy what you have.

Option 1... sounds fabulous!
Option 2.. .
Do not underestimate the amount of work and how it will take time away from being a family. Kids grow up so fast you'll
miss out and then you'll best yourself up for that. That's how I feel anyway. When the kids get to 12 they start wanting independence enjoy them while you can.

Ultimately you'll need to
go with your gut feeling.

We were in the same position as you and took option one. We’ve never regretted it.

Now our youngest is 21, both children are living independently and happy, and we have itchy feet. I always always always thought we’d want the large period property with a huge garden, but age and experience have taught us that old properties need constant DIY or money spending on them, and actually our time is worth more. We’ve chosen a 5 bed new build (by a very good builder). The plot has a big garden backing on to fields, about ten minutes from the sea. We’ve chosen a large house as we both work from home, and also there’s plenty of room in case one or both of the children bounce back home.

I’m 50 by the way, not 100 like I sound, reading back!

I would say option 1. You know the area and neighbours. That's a start, yes it might be surrounded, but when your kids are older, they might friends in the area.
I grew up on a farm, but miles away from friends, so I was bored and hated it, my sister started smoking, for something to do, as she had a friend she hung out with, so they would hang around on the farm, to smoke, so they didn't get told off. (up side to been secluded)
Could you look at extending your house, so that way you get bigger rooms for when they are older, second toilet things you might need.
Getting them in private school, is great and you not having to work is good,
Free nursery, sounds good, but the one I used was only free in school hours so, 9 till 3. Finding a job around these hours is like looking for rocking horse poop. So you would have to pay for extra hours which would mean a chunk of your wage going on childcare.
Maybe look again when they are older and can fend for themselves more, like at secondary school, then you could go back to work without childcare costs.

It sounds to me that now is NOT the right time for you to choose option 2. I live in a big house in the country, have brought up a family in the country, it’s actually work and money and work and money and it’s never ending. Wait until you’re more comfortably off financially so you can enjoy it and do what you need to do. If it would be a stretch to do it now that will not improve nice you’ve made the move, especially with k the current economic climate. It sounds like your kids have a good life now. Make a house in the country a goal for the future, and buy a cottage!

After 6 major renovations, please, trust me. Large, period houses never need just cosmetic work. Surveys really aren’t worth the paper they’re written on. Factor in at least 50% more cost than you imagine, preferably 100%.

Go for it option 2 you won't need fancy holidays and children tend to achieve what they achieve what ever school they attend

I’m risk adverse and would stay. We could have afforded a much bigger house, but I loved where ours is, we paid the mortgage off by 50, were then able to put big extra contributions into our pensions. our DC left home for University and never came back permanently and we can stay where we are. Semi rural, good bus route, one box room for my office, two spare bedrooms for snoring or guests, lots of storage space now the DC have gone.

I have friends that moved into big houses with big mortgages, paid huge amounts of interest on said mortgages, sometimes interest only, didn’t pay attention to their pensions and are now down sizing with not as much equity as they hoped to fund their retirement. I also enjoy gardening and have a smallish garden, I’m glad as I get older and my knees and back ache.

You need to do what’s right for you, but for me staying would be it.

We chose option 1. We are so happy with that choice. Yes, I sometimes browse online and have house envy. I look at houses I could technically afford and think about moving. Then I look back at the last several years and at my bank account and remember why we chose option 1. Dc is in a great school. We have lots of discretionary income and our retirement is well-funded.

I sometimes look at dream houses we might but when dc finishes school. Places we could spend our last few working years and then enjoy our retirement. We have many more options there since we aren’t spending as much on housing now.

I would stay put. You will be thankful you did when the kids have flown the nest.

I now most PPs have said Option 1 @BigOldOak but let me give you another perspective.

I grew up from the age of 8 to 18 in a version of Option 2 (we had about 10 times the acreage you're looking and a new house my father designed + swimming pool but otherwise pretty similar).

It was WONDERFUL! And I know my parents loved it - they'd chosen it. Both had been brought up in large houses in the country, and they wanted that for us, and yes, it was paradise. We had horses, a cow, chickens, a few sheep - you could a fair bit of that on 2 acres. And we had privacy and safety & freedom.

I know my father worried about money, but my parents managed. And in his old age, my father has admitted to me he's never liked having to think about or manage money, so I think wherever we lived, he'd have worried.

The freedom we had as children was idyllic. We went to the nearest comp, which was not great, but as a family we always had books, theatre, cultural & creative activities, as well as learning how to ride, milk a cow and manage chickens. My parents were both public school educated and knew what that was like; they were pretty confident they could give us a better all-round education & preparation for life than a paid-for education. Going to the local comp (quite working class - most kids left to start work as soon as it was legal) has meant that throughout my life, even though I come from a pretty privileged & affluent background, I can mix with anyone - a colleague once said the nicest thing - that I treated everyone I worked with equally. I think going to the local comp was a big part of that.

Of course, at 18 I went to a city to go to university, but I am at heart a country girl, and really value that upbringing. I now live near a small county town, and although I don't have land or horses, I really appreciate not being raised in stultifying suburbia.

If you take on a massive renovation project you'll miss spending time with your kids just as they are at their most amazing. And when you do spend time with them you'll be thinking about all the DIY you've got still to do unless you're really good at comparmentalising!

Your current life sounds pretty idyllic - is there not another project that might scratch that itch? Something you could do as a family?

Of those two options, definitely the first. I think there may be a better option 2 in your future, OP!

I’d stay put personally. We live in a biggish house and our outgoings are now eye watering. Fortunately no financial pressure but probably because we have never been extravagant with money and tend to live well within our means. Don’t underestimate the stress and cost of renovations - again, coming at this as the voice of experience. With a period property it always costs considerably more than you think it will.

I would also echo what others have said about town v village. My DD is now 12 attends a local school in town and walks to and from school with her friends. She also is able to go into town with her friends etc ar the weekends and has a much greater level of independence than her cousins who live in villages. I hated living in a village as a teenager and my world really opened up when my parents moved to a local town. Obviously it’s different for everyone and depends on transport networks etc

Please don't ruin your current easy life!

As someone with a baby living in a renovation. Stay. Enjoy your life. Enjoy their childhoods. No way will I do this again.

I wouldn’t risk it at the moment. You could lose everything if rates end up sky rocketing. Wait until if and when things settle down and then reassess. You won’t enjoy it you end up lying in bed at night worrying about money and losing it.

Stay. Be happy with what you have. Why overreach?

Option 1, enjoy life a bit and then maybe rethink in 5 years time or so

We are in an old fairly large house with a sizeable garden. Both work FT. We never stop, there is always something that needs repainting, repairing, cleaning etc. It is boiling in summer and absolutely Freezing in winter. We will sell at some point and buy a small, modern house that we can manage easier. I wouldn’t do it again.

I love seclusion and space and dream of living in the middle of nowhere. And even I think you’d be insane to choose option 2!! You’d have to work so you’d be giving up most of your time and wouldn’t get to enjoy the big house anyway (and this is without all the stress and work of renovating.

I don’t think you’d ever regret privately educating your children. Everything about private education is easier and nicer (if you choose the right one).

Option 2 will more than likely come with a lot of hidden costs in terms of maintanence and repair work. Whatever you think would need doing, double it at least.
Unless you walk into these things with money in hand to do what you need/want then it'll likely become a money drain for many years and will ruin any romantic thoughts you had of the place by the time you got it ship shape. There's a reason these places tend to attract developers or people who are cash rich - because that's who can get them up to standard without throwing years of effort at it.

I think somewhere between the two would be the more sensible option.

But were your parents in the same financial position as the OP? Huge mortgage? no money to fund an renovations? Did your mum have to return to full time work to fund anything? If your father designed the house and swimming pool and also had horses, cows etc. and your parents also went to public school themselves it sounds as though they probably came from a reasonably well off background to start with. Well off people often ‘worry’ about money that’s why they are well off.

I’d do option 2 in a few years when you’ve potentially saved more, another project house might come up and may COL might not be so awful!
If your partner is less keen on diy and limited resources currently, I think it will put you under strain.

We did it and at this stage we both regret it. It was great when the DC were growing up and we were young and full of energy, but now that we're in our 60s the big house and property are starting to be too much for us and eventually we simply won't be able to keep up with it all. We're hoping to downsize soon but the market sucks and in the meantime I'm stuck with a large house to clean and DH is stuck dealing with acreage. If we'd had our 'druthers we'd have bought a smaller house in a neighbourhood, one we could have easily stayed in for the rest of our lives.

If you're have unlimited resources to hire in help once you're older, go for it. But if not, don't bank on 'when it gets too much we'll just downsize'. Life (and property sales) are unpredictable.