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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Constant Moaning

103 replies

Fairytits · 22/02/2023 20:58

I am sick and tired of my partner's constant moaning.
It's constant, repetitive, he drones on & on & on saying the same things he says every time he moans about a particular subject, almost like he's on autopilot, he knows it annoys me, yet on & on he goes:
It's everything & everyone.

If we are driving, it will be everyone elses driving or bright lights from other cars, for the entire journey, every journey. This happens every time we are in the car, the same complaints, his moaning neither changes or solves anything just annoys me and anyone else in the car. He even arrives home after work and feels the need to give me a debrief on his drive to and from work.

Seemingly everyone he works with is incompetent, he is the only one who knows how to do anything properly, everyone else is lazy, his boss is incompetent and everyone he works with is two faced.

Even family & friends have huge failings which I am told of on repeat.

Then there is the noise that anyone else makes where we live, be it DIY, music, kids playing.

Don't get me started on his annoyance at everyone elses parking on our street or the number of cars they park on the road.
Smells, unexplained noises, BBQs, people looking at him funny, chainsaws , other people's dogs barking etc etc etc in fact, you name it - he will have some beef with it !

The moaning is relentless and on particular subjects it is as if it is on repeat, the same phrases the same gripes over & over & over.

He is not interested in solutions, compromise, having it pointed out to him that he has car lights, does DIY, owns a barking dog, has a BBQ, in fact does most of the things he complains about in others !

It is annoying, exhausting, to me pointless, he winds himself up over things that I see as " life"
Frankly we have bigger problems than above, aging parents, job security, rising prices, but he focuses on the trivial ?

So, my aibu question is just that ?
Or does anyone else have one of these and the manual ?

OP posts:
Zooeyzo · 22/02/2023 21:01

How old is he?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 22/02/2023 21:02

I got bored just reading about it.

Zooeyzo · 22/02/2023 21:02

I think I'm the partner

Loverofpizza · 22/02/2023 21:04

Oh dear, sorry op but this has made me laugh.

Member869894 · 22/02/2023 21:05

I thinknits rime to separate. You sound like you have lost all respect for him. If nothing else it will give him something else to moan about😀

TheDownLow · 22/02/2023 21:05

Imagine living on your own OP.

No fun-sponge man dragging you down and spoiling your short life with endless moaning.

Imagine the sheer freedom and joy of it!

I should know, as that's how I live 😊

Auldfangsyne · 22/02/2023 21:05

Is this new behaviour? I couldn't stand the constant negativity I'm afraid.

LizzieVereker · 22/02/2023 21:06

I’m sorry but I think you might be married to my Mum. Good luck.

2crossedout1 · 22/02/2023 21:06

This would drive me mad OP!

TimeForChanges123 · 22/02/2023 21:07

Couldn't be fucked with this. What a walking raincloud of doom 🌧

Fairytits · 22/02/2023 21:20

He's a 55 year old, always been opinionated, but becoming more and more negative and repetitive.
Despite his own well voiced opinions, he doesn't have much time for anyone elses neither does he like feedback on how silly this trivial carping is !
It the banal, pointless and unimportant in the grand scale of things ( to me) nature of it that is so damn tiring.

OP posts:
IAmMeThisIsI · 22/02/2023 21:32

Depression. He needs a break.

Crikeyalmighty · 22/02/2023 21:37

We appear to be married to the same man- except mine is 3 years on -- it gets very tedious so I know exactly how you feel - I actually dread long car journeys.

Fairytits · 22/02/2023 21:40

Crikey almighty
Sorry to hear you have a moaner , yes I dread a car trip too !

OP posts:
ChickenDhansak82 · 22/02/2023 21:43

Sounds just like my DH!

OMG it's so draining!

He will always argue the opposite of what I day too as if just for the sake of having something negative to day.

We can't even drive anywhere without commenting on every bad driver and anyone who gets in his way or is too slow gets called a bell end!

The kids are always too loud. He turns the radio down, his work colleagues are bell ends too...

I'm a really cheerful optimistic person 🤣🤣

Fairytits · 22/02/2023 21:46

Yes, I had thought depression too or perhaps connected to a medical condition, but he won't see a doctor to discuss his constant negativity and getting angry over small things, as he hasn't got a problem, everyone else has !

OP posts:
Dailywalk · 22/02/2023 21:50

To be fair there are a lot of terrible drivers on the roads! I fear I am probably just like your DP. Other people are annoying.

AmandaHoldensLips · 22/02/2023 21:54

Learn to tune him out. Bose earbuds or noise cancelling sleepbuds are great. You could also create a roster of stock phrases to respond to his moaning. For example...

"Yes, dear."
"Oh dear, how sad."
"Do you want chips with that."
"Look out, it's Victor Meldrew."

Razberryberet · 22/02/2023 21:56

This is my dh!! he drives me nuts he's just been up in the bath and the minute he comes down he's moaning it's just constant.I love him but it is draining, the negativity is very difficult he's worse in winter as he has SAD and struggles with depression it's hard but I just put up with it I just pretend to listen tbh or go in another room mind you he often follows me 😣 that's usually when I reach breaking point n snap!

dinkybella77 · 22/02/2023 21:56

Very similar to my dh. It is so incredibly draining. I know how you feel.
In the end I get really angry and have a go at him.

He is ruining my quality of life and overall happiness. Why would I want to be in his presence let alone spend a lifetime with him. It is ultimately selfish behaviour to drag everyone else down, depressed or not. Very self absorbed in their own negativity

Pointing these things out sometimes has the effect of snapping him out of it.

What do you think the reasons are for his behaviour ? It it a learnt behaviour? Has he always been like this? I think sometimes anxiety plays a part with my dp.

TheUsualChaos · 22/02/2023 22:42

I also think it is likely a sign of depression. Everyone has a moan from time to time but constant negativity and allowing trivial things to irritate and anger you is definitely a symptom of poor mental health.
Does he do anything he enjoys? Exercise?

loveheartdress · 22/02/2023 22:46

OMG my 57 year old husband is the same. So moany and cranky and driving me and the kids crazy. Constant comments on everything that as you said are just life. It's really getting to me and I find myself pulling away as somedays I just can't listen to it anymore. Mine definitely needs more hobbies!

Mylittlepea · 22/02/2023 22:54

If you can rule out depression or another health related reason about why he is such a mood-hoover I think I’d be having a frank conversation with him to say how his constant whinging is making you miserable. I couldn’t live with someone so draining….

Fairytits · 23/02/2023 08:06

Thank you all.
It seems I'm not alone with my "fun sponge / cloud of doom" and that is reassuring.
I will push him to see a Doctor to rule out anything medical being the cause.
Then remind him that my or anyone else's silence when he is having a rant is not giving him the floor, but because we are not interested in his moaning and don't want to engage with this negativity, I'll see how it goes !

OP posts:
Zhougzhoug · 23/02/2023 08:22

Get him to start posting parking threads on here instead, people will love it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread