To ask if you agreed to submit to your husband's authority when you married?

[GalaApples]

If so, what made you agree? Was it a good decision?
I recently found out that this is a thing among some evangelical Christians, in the UK as well as in the US. Has it worked out for you? How do you feel about the man being the "head" of the house, and have his decisions been good ones or not? How do you feel about him making the final decisions about your marriage and family?

It is fascinating.
No, it's not something I would do though.

I mean religion has meant women cover themselves from head to toe, snip off the skin of a baby's genitals and not use protection during sex.

Religion is a batshit cult.

Exactly what I thought.

As if.
My D husband is a confident man therefore can cope with having an opinionated, kick ass, feisty wife 😉

We're so modern that I have my own career, pensions, savings and investments too.

Urm no. It’s 2023. Or I have suddenly gone back to the 50’s

And neither of us are religious

Did I fuck!

Get to fuck 🤣 even my prick of an ex would f have gone for that

I think most women in the 1950s would also question submitting to a man's authority if my gran is anything to go by

Nope

I did and I know lots of others who did through church- equally he promised to love me as Christ loved the church (ie die for me if needed!).

I wouldn’t expect anyone to use the vows who wasn’t a practicing Christian, as they’re pretty awful without the context!

I did. For the 'Christian' reasons above, not the kinky bdsm ones...sadly 🤣
I was young, vulnerable, my dad had died a couple of years before and I met a boy from a Christian family. His family welcomed me and embraced me. At the time it didn't seem a big deal. But in a very short space of time it really was. His Dad was the 'head of the house' when he was growing up. And still was when we were married. He was his fathers son for sure, controlling, narcissistic, misogynistic... I completely lost myself. There is so much I could say. I tried to leave twice. We had 2 children and were together for 18 years. Fast forward and I'm 7 years divorced. It was the absolute hardest thing I've ever been through. Him and his dad both tried to absolutely destroy me for daring to leave. I've not stepped inside a church in years and I will never ever again be controlled.
I'm aware that I'm opening myself up to snide and unkind comments. At the time you don't realise, you don't see it. They throw religious quotes at you to justify decisions.
Ultimately he had an affair, like his dad before him. The pastor of the Church told me I should not leave. It took me about a further 5 years to find the courage to leave. So yes, some of us are gullible enough, vulnerable enough. Whatever you want to call it.

No. We took “obey” out of our vows.

No, because I'm Jewish and we don't have that in our weddings!

Of course I have a direct relationship with God. My relationship with my husband is just based on the Biblical structure of marriage. It doesn't mean I have to wait for my husband to speak to hear from God. I just trust God to lead my husband on how to lead the family (the simplest way I can explain it). We have a happy family life. I'm a postgraduate level educated professional and have managed teams in the past, so I'm definitely not some vulnerable woman but this is an important part of walking out my faith, and I'm happy to. I know it's completely counter cultural. Jesus loved women and had a really special place for them in His ministry so I certainly don't feel like we are second class citizens, but that we have different roles in our marriage, which are both equally important.

God no. I would never have agreed to obey him either (not that he would have wanted that), why would anyone agree to such archaic misogyny?

its not always a kink/domestic discipline thing!

We used love honour & obey (me) and love, honour & cherish (him). We were/are Christians and the vicar who married us reminded DH in the sermon that to cherish me meant putting me first in everything and not asking me to do anything I wouldn’t want to. He told me I could ring him anytime to remind DH about this. In nearly 25 year of marriage we’ve only made mutual decisions. For us it is about mutual respect and properly listening to one another’s opinions.

I like having opportunities to be kind and thoughtful to my husband without expecting anything in return

OMG......... where does one even start with this nonsense!

It's big in certain quarters in the US, I think. Google 'domestic discipline'... 🙀

This. This is often forgotten is that the man is required to cherish and love his wife to the point of dying for her. Its very much a two way relationship.

Where does sex come into this. Do you gave to have sex or are expected to have sex even if you are not in the mood?

Echoing what @Wellthatwasweird has said. I did, because I believe that’s what the Bible teaches. I’m am Oxbridge-educated City professional so also don’t fit the stereotypes that many would like to believe. I’m well aware that it’s counter-cultural. I’m also well aware that I wouldn’t convince anyone on mumsnet that I’m not bonkers so just putting this out there to support others who’ve been brave enough to admit to it!

My husband's grandfather is a retired minister and he did our wedding so it was very old fashioned, waffling on about the garden of Eden and all that. It made me giggle at the time imagining my (absolutely not religious) family's faces behind me.
I made him take out the “obey" part though.

I accept that people thinknits nonsense. I meant it's nice to do things without thinking 'what will I get out of this'. Thats all. My friend says she won't make her husband a coffee because he is a grown adult who can make his own. What's wrong with making your husband a cup of coffee just because you think he might like one? Or surprising him with his favourite dinner just because you know he will appreciate it? That's what I meant.

I appreciate it!

I was thinking this too. 20 questions in an op always looks suspicious to me