To think I must just be shit at being a parent.

[Sleeptightnightlight]

Went to pick my two children (3&5) up from preschool/school (same site, 5 min walk from our house). Both children full of smiles. Both children promptly dump bags/water bottles/coats on me - fine, it's heavy for them and I don't mind. Start walking home but 5 year old start crying because the low sun is in her eyes. I take her hand so she can walk with her eyes closed. 3 year old starts crying because he wants me to carry him. Point out my hands are full. 3 year old starts running wrong way back up road. Let go of 5 year old to chase 3 year old. 5 year old screams and cries. Return 3 year old to 5 year old. Neither child will walk unless I am holding their hand. Redistribute their belongings to them so I have two free hands but then they won't walk/scream/cry because everything is too heavy/difficult. Struggle painfully slowly down road alternating holding stuff/children in varying orders while both scream and cry and every single other parent walks their happy smiley children past us at a decent pace. Get within visual range of our house and end up leaving 5 year old lying crying on verge and carrying 3 year old into house (keeping 5 year old in sight while time), shutting him in then returning to carry 5 year old in (physically can't carry both even if I leave the stuff).

This isn't a one off incident. It's not every day but our walks home regularly include one of them crying/fussing about the incredibly short walk (which I can cope with) and sometimes both (which I just can't). No one else I see on the school run seems to have this problem. I see childminders doing longer walks with twice the number of children without issue.

Should I just admit I'm shit at this? I feel like crying and giving up. I don't even know how to give up as there's no one else to get them from school. I had a bunch of fun things planned to do with them tonight but now I feel to down to even start.

I’m sorry it’s hard but I don’t think you’re shit at being a parent. I think most parents or all parents have experienced moments like that.

Is the 3 year old too big for a buggy with a buggy board for the 5 year old?

Don't let it ruin your nice plans, but I agree something needs to give as it sounds like chaos. A little trike to push the 3 year old in? A little fun trolley that they can put their belongings in instead of carrying?

Look up Collapse restraint and arrive at pick up with a snack.

Tired. I wouldn’t worry about the childminders, kids are always worse for their own parents!

They can carry something for sure ! Don’t be a pack horse. Promise of a snack at home ( ie bribery 🤷‍♀️🤣)
don’t stress you are doing fine x

Oh lovely this is totally normal!! They're over stimulated, tired and overwhelmed after school and nursery. They will act up, my 5 year old does the same some days (probably 2/3 times a week) and I have a 1 year old. It'll get better just ride it out.

Buggy, buggy board, snacks.

Better yet bring a snack with you. Distractions work wonders especially food.

You are not alone! I drive for the school run as it’s too far to walk, but even the short walk from school gate to car is a similar drama to yours, and the drive home inevitably involves one or both crying, fighting, it’s just chaos! For absolutely no reason. Mine are now 6 and 4 and last year was worse so it’s got a little easier (the younger one doesn’t tend to bolt quite so much now at least). Nothing more to add other than solidarity, it’s shit, and supremely and needlessly stressful most days! Particularly as you say when you’ve planned to do something nice after school and frankly after that all you want to do is run away. Just keep going, it’s not you, it’ll get better as they age (I hope)

Take a backpack with you for water bottles and coats to chuck in then you have your hands free for each child.

Been there done it.

Yes, this is definitely restraint collapse. Get home however you can and regroup

I agree with the snack thing and buggy for 3yo. However, I think also I would not be 'pandering' /trying to please them so much. Just say no to the hand holding demands or give a choice. "I know you want to hold my hand, but I am carrying all the bags. You can choose to carry your bag and hold my hand or I hold the bags but then I can't hold your hand. What would you like to do?"

Do you give a snack to have in the playground? Do you play games on the way home rather than talk about their day (can be too boring!)?

It’s not you. They’re tired. I often take an old buggy to pick up to sling their many, many bags in to. And yes, something small to eat immediately. My older two (8 and 9) are pretty good at not doing now.

It's not just you - I hated nursery/early year school pick ups for this reason. Snack is a good call, or something to look forward to when they get home even if it's bluey.

It's not just you - mine are older, adorable, mostly don't do this anymore now and I see one mum having exactly the same experience picking up her 4 yo I used to have. It gets better

I use one of those massive bags for life and put their stuff in there. Will fit coats, book bags and lunch boxes. Or get a strap for their book bags so you can at least sling it over you if they won't wear it?
I hope your evening improves OP x

Mine used to sit on the floor in the middle of the pavement wailing whilst other parents looked on. The other one used to bolt after shouting at me.

Ahhh, the golden memories!

Other memories are better than pick up!! Or drop offs....

Second the bag for life idea. I just carry that to the nursery pick up and everything gets dumped in that.

I hear you op, it’s no fun! And it’s twice a day every week day!

I was going to suggest a trike or buggy with balance board or something. Your op describes exactly what most people forget when they talk about walking back and forth to nursery and the early years of primary and criticise parents for taking the car: the children are exhausted and often whingy and not in a mood to cooperate, they come with a shed load of stuff, they can run off in any direction on to busy roads.

Dont get me wrong, I am a huge advocate of walking to and from school but do it when the dc are slightly older and you have a good night’s sleep inside you. In the meantime make it as fun and easy on yourself as possible and if that’s a buggy, a trike or a pack horse just do what it takes to get through the early years with your sanity and patience intact.

That choice is exactly what I gave them. They literally wouldn't move unless I was holding a hand. If they both choose not to walk I can't physically make them.

I hear what the PP is saying but with a 5 and 3 year old over tired after school this wouldn't work. Buggy and buggy board is a good shout, my 5 year old still uses the buggy board sometimes since I have the 1 year old in the buggy for pick up.

Yeah @Sleeptightnightlight you have kids like mine. Basically willing to refuse to move for half an hour to get their intolerant demands met.

You may do better to try and establish clear routine and expectations about the walk up front so it's the same every day and low need for talk or questions or choices.

I would have a banana or other small snack to give them when they come out and give them an energy boost to walk home. They can absolutely carry their own stuff ,at this time of year they wear their coats and they can put water bottle in their bag. Honestly if they are finding that is too heavy, then look upon it as a bit of conditioning.

You’re not a rubbish parent, your kids are tired at the end of the day. Just keep going. Definitely agree with the snack idea, even a sugar free lolly pop in each mouth as you walk home? 😬

Your doing fine. Cut down what they take to the bare minimum and take a large backpack with you that it can all go in leaving your hands free. Would three year old go in a buggy? DS always struggled after nursery to even make it to the car