To think I must just be shit at being a parent.

[Sleeptightnightlight]

Went to pick my two children (3&5) up from preschool/school (same site, 5 min walk from our house). Both children full of smiles. Both children promptly dump bags/water bottles/coats on me - fine, it's heavy for them and I don't mind. Start walking home but 5 year old start crying because the low sun is in her eyes. I take her hand so she can walk with her eyes closed. 3 year old starts crying because he wants me to carry him. Point out my hands are full. 3 year old starts running wrong way back up road. Let go of 5 year old to chase 3 year old. 5 year old screams and cries. Return 3 year old to 5 year old. Neither child will walk unless I am holding their hand. Redistribute their belongings to them so I have two free hands but then they won't walk/scream/cry because everything is too heavy/difficult. Struggle painfully slowly down road alternating holding stuff/children in varying orders while both scream and cry and every single other parent walks their happy smiley children past us at a decent pace. Get within visual range of our house and end up leaving 5 year old lying crying on verge and carrying 3 year old into house (keeping 5 year old in sight while time), shutting him in then returning to carry 5 year old in (physically can't carry both even if I leave the stuff).

This isn't a one off incident. It's not every day but our walks home regularly include one of them crying/fussing about the incredibly short walk (which I can cope with) and sometimes both (which I just can't). No one else I see on the school run seems to have this problem. I see childminders doing longer walks with twice the number of children without issue.

Should I just admit I'm shit at this? I feel like crying and giving up. I don't even know how to give up as there's no one else to get them from school. I had a bunch of fun things planned to do with them tonight but now I feel to down to even start.

Bring the buggy, put the bags etc in the buggy then make kids walk one each side holding on to buggy while you push it.

Mine are 5 and 7 and sometimes skip happily home from school and sometimes cry and complain. It depends how tired and hungry they are. They often both try and tell me something about their day, refuse to take turns, screech that the other is talking over them. If I manage to get one to shut up and let the other go, that one will try their best to talk solidly without pausing for breath until we get home as the other gets increasingly furious. Lucky it's only a 10 minute walk 😅

OP I used to have the same issue with my two. We had a 15 minute walk home and I would watch all these angelic children skip home with their parents while mine flung themselves on the floor screaming. I can't say that I cracked it, but the strategies I found helpful were:

1. Making clear what good behaviour looked like. "I know both of you can walk home carrying your own bags. There is to be no laying on the ground until we are inside our own home". The first time they managed this I shut the door told them now they could lie on the floor and lay on the floor myself, rolled around and moaned and groaned. They found this so funny that they wanted me to do it every day which incentivised them to behave en route. (Not good if you are having a playdate!!)

1. Both my children have (even now years later) animal alter egos. While their child selves would often be tired Jasper the puppy and Chloe the kitten were often full of energy. If they started moaning I would say "oh no, does Jasper not want his daily walk, can he give me one woof for yes and two for no". They would sometimes pretend to be an animal all the way home. These animals came out whenever we needed to leave the house or get anywhere.

1. I glue gunned ribbons onto the book bags so they could act as back packs. They soon forgot the bags when they were on their backs. Top tip: choose school colour ribbon and make them longer than you think to accommodate bulky winter coats. Also then make sure they are out of reach of children in case of strangulation risk. Ours were shut in the porch.

1. I have an introvert child who is very much done with people at the end of the day. They would find the chaos of after school tricky so I would take with me a cap and sunglasses for them to wear after school as a sort of disguise and a protection from needing to interact with people. They would pretend they were invisible or they were a spy on a mission and then just walk silently home.

For me the key was breaking the habit of leaving school and throwing a tantrum. Mine got themselves into a sort of routine with it and fed off each other. I would try lots of games on the way home to distract them from tiredness as well. One day we would be sailors setting out on a long voyage (they would choose where) and we would watch out for desert islands and dolphins, the next day we would have gone back in time and would be pointing out all the dinosaurs that lived in each house.

I can't say this worked perfectly. There were still awful days and it did depend on how tired they were, but on days when they were mostly just grumpy it could delay the tantrums until we got home.

We've all been there!!
I always put all the kids stuff into rucksacks on their backs none of this messing about I learnt the hard way!!

Having small dc is like herding sheep - I work in a school and its like herding sheep - i sometimes feel like a whistle, sheepdog and shouting 'come by' might be more effective than the usual methods 😄

You're a genius. Making a mental note of all these!

Haha sometimes you have to get your priorities straight!!!

Also have you looked at how much your carrying? Every Friday I go through their book bags (back packs aren't allowed at their school either) and take out all the general crap kids collect. I also empty their water bottles onto the grass every pick up so they aren't adding too much to the weight in the bag. Then it's just on my wrist leaving my hands free for them to hold onto/ hang off of.

I haven’t read the whole thread but just wanted to say, it’s definitely not just you. My two have been absolutely horrendous on the way home. It’s about an 8 min walk for an adult. I’ve tried having the younger one in a buggy, she’s able to undo the straps and climb out and then I’m running after them both and trying to push buggy. Often had one of them running off while the other refuses to move. I’ve given snack at playground. I have tried driving but the walk from playground to car is just as bad, plus trying to get them to get in the car and sit the fuck down in their seat is a challenge too. Anyway we have actually recently moved and they are now at separate settings and even though it’s logistically more difficult I don’t miss having to deal with that walk home. Good luck to you, I assumed it would get a bit easier once my younger one is 4/5.

Probably rubbish at discipline and/or being assertive.

No advice but just to say my kids do exactly the same! I am also currently carrying a car seat containing their baby sister!
I get a daily report of these 2 angelic children from nursery and then the minute they get a few steps away from the building they turn into absolute raging animals. I know they are just letting out all of their stress of the day onto me; I'm their safe space etc etc but it's still bloody difficult! My neighbour popped out of her door the other day just to tell me that it does get better as they get older...I'm going to hold her to that!

Hahahahaha

You had a baby in May 2022 which I think we can safely assume was your first

Come back to us when your baby is 5 and bestow all your best tips on assertiveness and discipline!

Scooters. Put the bags on the handles. We used to pack them in luggage for holidays. Makes all the difference or bring the old pushchair for the baggage.

This sounds like me coming home from school with my 6 and 9yr old everyday OP 😂 don't beat yourself up, they come out of school tired and take it out on us as this release. You're doing great ❤️

@NameChange30 thank you for saying that so diplomatically.

@BabyOnBoard90 get over yourself. Mums don't rise up by putting others down. We support each other. We all have bad days and you're no better than anyone else.

Time to play games on the way home!

I spy (something coloured.....)
Car colour bingo
Load up the horse (neigh giddy up and trot)
Traffic lights: Green: Hop/skip/star jumps Yellow: Something else
Red: stop/stuck in treacle walking/slow mo
Make a train
Wrong name game (oh look at that lovely cat - oh mummy that's a pigeon silly! and so on)
Lead me the way home, including setting off the wrong way.
Scavenger hunt (find me a.......)
Anything else you can think of.

Yes, you'll look and sound silly, but they will love it.

I don't think you're being a shit parent I'd say you need a pram with buggy board though if they both struggle to walk it. Make your life easier and just push them home.

also bring snacks. Snacks and pram with buggy Board will transform the journey

Yes to backpack and snacks to bribe. What about a scooter, at least for 5 year old? My youngest was a slow and clumsy walker. Once I got her out of a buggy, I didn't want her going back in one and the scooter made all the difference! (Had two stolen though - one my DH left outside a shop over night and another was stolen from our local park whilst I was in charge - everyone left them at the playground gates, think it was teen hoodlums... just kept buying another as it was so effective.)

Oh god, school pickup AKA torture. We've all been there. My kids have the exact same age gap and the 3 year olds are twins. I literally do not have enough hands.

We have a 15-20 minute walk home from school. What helps me is:
A) Snacks, every day - preferably small nibble things like cut grapes or quartered salami slices that keep them busy a while

B) 'No' means no. If they lie on the floor in protest then I just stand there and wait till they're bored of it. Then walk on. Once I have said 'no' to something, I stick to it and no amount of whining or tantrums will move me! Eventually they learn that it gets them nowhere.

C) Turn taking eg if they all want to hold hands and I only have one free, then they get 5 mins each. Misbehave and lose their turn.

Once we survived the first term, they got used to the routine and rules. They still bicker and yell and run around but we generally get home without major drama.

Aww you dug through my posts, how cute.

Thankfully I'm not measuring my parental skills against strangers on net

Biscuits 🍪