To think I must just be shit at being a parent.

[Sleeptightnightlight]

Went to pick my two children (3&5) up from preschool/school (same site, 5 min walk from our house). Both children full of smiles. Both children promptly dump bags/water bottles/coats on me - fine, it's heavy for them and I don't mind. Start walking home but 5 year old start crying because the low sun is in her eyes. I take her hand so she can walk with her eyes closed. 3 year old starts crying because he wants me to carry him. Point out my hands are full. 3 year old starts running wrong way back up road. Let go of 5 year old to chase 3 year old. 5 year old screams and cries. Return 3 year old to 5 year old. Neither child will walk unless I am holding their hand. Redistribute their belongings to them so I have two free hands but then they won't walk/scream/cry because everything is too heavy/difficult. Struggle painfully slowly down road alternating holding stuff/children in varying orders while both scream and cry and every single other parent walks their happy smiley children past us at a decent pace. Get within visual range of our house and end up leaving 5 year old lying crying on verge and carrying 3 year old into house (keeping 5 year old in sight while time), shutting him in then returning to carry 5 year old in (physically can't carry both even if I leave the stuff).

This isn't a one off incident. It's not every day but our walks home regularly include one of them crying/fussing about the incredibly short walk (which I can cope with) and sometimes both (which I just can't). No one else I see on the school run seems to have this problem. I see childminders doing longer walks with twice the number of children without issue.

Should I just admit I'm shit at this? I feel like crying and giving up. I don't even know how to give up as there's no one else to get them from school. I had a bunch of fun things planned to do with them tonight but now I feel to down to even start.

School dinners are tiny so mine will have a few snacks on the way home. She isn't fat either. 🙄

School dinners aren’t tiny, our perception of how big a meal should be is way off. No kid should need to be bribed with snacks to walk for ten minutes.

That is a ridiculous school rule, how unhelpful. Sounds like your own backpack is the only way then.

I meant to say before that every bike ride ends in me carrying two bikes all the way home so totally feel you on the scooter experience.

If you're shit a lot of the rest of us are as bad!

Mine doesn't need to be bribed but we have a 15 minute walk and she is always hungry. Tall and growing taller! Seems a odd thing to judge. She always goes for a sandwich which are small.

Of course I have no power to stop you. What a weird comment. I find this endless bribery with snacks to be bad for kids both physically and mentally. Firstly because so many kids are overweight now, secondly because it’s just appeasing appeasing appeasing. Kids should do boring things they don’t want to do without there being a ‘reward’, it’s good for them.

A sandwich is the main part of a lunch

Sounds like you’ve tried all sorts OP and you sound like an excellent mum. It’s not you, it’s them. They’ll grow out of it.

Don't be daft your not a bad parent. Maybe just put your foot down a bit, there old enough to walk nicely with mummy. We have 4 a little younger and they all walk nicely now and stop as soon as they hear the word. Start giving them a couple of basic rules before you leave the house and stick to them and you will find after 2/3 days all the hassle and stress will finish because they know what you expect and that your sticking to it. Chin up your doing great

It seems bizarre to me that a piece of fruit is the suggestion on this thread you object to, not the suggestion to drive an incredibly short journey. One of these things is far more damaging than the other, to the children’s own health and everyone else’s.

I sometimes got a snack on my way home from school in the 80s. I have grown up to be a perfectly well functioning adult despite it.

Didn’t see the car post. Yep that’s ridiculous. But it isn’t ‘a piece of fruit’ being suggested, it’s sandwiches and biscuits, and it’s not ‘sometimes’ it would be at every pick up.

Sounds like restraint collapse as PPs have said. They're tired and hungry. I get it because my two can be v difficult. My suggestions:

• large backpack for you to carry everything (as PPs have said)
• take snacks for them to eat straight away, 2 of everything so they have the same thing, no snatching/fighting or all snacks get taken away and they have to wait until they get home (might result in one or two tantrums to begin with but they'll get it eventually)
• light buggy or even one of those preschool carriers (eg Tula) that you can chuck your 3-4yo into if they refuse to walk
• something to motivate them, can you make the journey home playful eg races, hiding and jumping out at each other on the way, see how many of a certain object you can spot (make it a competition to see who can spot the most), small treat if you all get home within 10 minutes without having to carry either of them (and use the timer on your phone to show them how much time is left)?

You aren’t shit, they’re just tired. I’ve had many similar situations. I know exactly what you mean about giving choices not working. When they’re tired like that they just can’t listen to reason.

I’ve found that I need two free hands to deal with two tired small children so I think a backpack for you to put all their crap in would make all the difference.

Always seems hungry at the end of the day. 🙈 Apple, banana, orange, piece of toast. Like the hungry caterpillar. 🙄

Not so bad when opting for the hot option.

You need one of those Radio Flyer wagons! Or a wheelbarrow 😂

How is fruit not a snack? Most posters say “snack”, they don’t specify whether they mean “fruit” or “Big Mac” but it’s perfectly reasonable to assume the former.

And yes, even acceptable every day.

Oh and at risk of pointing out the obvious, make sure you have their sunglasses in your bag in case the sun bothers them, and maybe fun kids umbrellas in case it rains.

I feel for you, pick up is always the worst time of the day.

I have learnt to take snacks and I don't start a conversation until they've eaten. I would recommend the trike/bike/scooter/buggy and board option if you can, just to make your life easier.

There must have been something in the water today because my two were awful too. I dislike using the word 'meltdown' but my 5yo had a full on meltdown because his after school club wouldn't give him a snack after he turned it down 3 times 🤦🏻‍♀️ there was crying and it wasn't just the children. Nobody's finest moment but tomorrow is a new day. Well, it bloody better be!

3yr old gets a buggy and reins. If he drags feet, he walks, and bags go in buggy. Too old for reins, then old enough to walk sensibly. 5 yr old can hold side of buggy. There is no nonsense attitude from mum. Brisk and brusque.

This made me laugh out loud 🤣 I love you! (Also this is the kind of thing I might do!)

They are tired at the end of a day of nursery and you are their comfortable, they can just be them in front of you they don't need to mask, or be on their best behaviour. This means you need to take steps to make it as easy and calm a transition as possible. If that means having both hands free and walking them home holding their hands then find a way to be hands free. Easiest is to have a bag you can Chuck their belongings into and stick on your back.

Then as soon as they get home, give them a snack, a drink and time for 15-20 minutes of quiet activity to decompress.

Of course they can 🙄 Except these kids can't, not when they're exhausted and emotional after a day at school/nursery. Not all kids are the same!

For the carrying thing I just take a big bag for life and chuck all the bags drinks etc in there.
Snack/drink at pick up definitely. Also having a calm chat with them...the journey home is a bit of a problem at the moment isn't it, I feel ....when you are both crying and it's not much fun for any of us...is there anything you think would help us have happier walks home?

I'd be cross about that behaviour and tell them both off once you're home. Explain that if they behave like that again there will be no park/telly/iPad etc.

OP, I really feel your pain. I have this exact age gap and last year - when they were 3 and 5 - was a bloody nightmare. DP and I (who take it in turns) used to dread pick up so much!

They will honestly grow out of it. Mine are 4 and 6 and while they have their moments, it’s a breeze compared to how it used to be.

I agree with all the snack suggestions (ignore all the judgey pants on this thread). And make it as fun as possible - you basically want to distract them from their own internal psychodrama! Things like

• I spy
• bubbles
• torches in dark weather (appreciate pick ups aren’t dark any more!)
• how many red/blue/whatever things can you see
• races
• chalks

Do they have any buddies you could walk home with? That’s sometimes a good distraction

Honestly can't relate to any of this.
We walked a mile each day to school,each way and they just did it.