Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think I must just be shit at being a parent.

122 replies

Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 16:23

Went to pick my two children (3&5) up from preschool/school (same site, 5 min walk from our house). Both children full of smiles. Both children promptly dump bags/water bottles/coats on me - fine, it's heavy for them and I don't mind. Start walking home but 5 year old start crying because the low sun is in her eyes. I take her hand so she can walk with her eyes closed. 3 year old starts crying because he wants me to carry him. Point out my hands are full. 3 year old starts running wrong way back up road. Let go of 5 year old to chase 3 year old. 5 year old screams and cries. Return 3 year old to 5 year old. Neither child will walk unless I am holding their hand. Redistribute their belongings to them so I have two free hands but then they won't walk/scream/cry because everything is too heavy/difficult. Struggle painfully slowly down road alternating holding stuff/children in varying orders while both scream and cry and every single other parent walks their happy smiley children past us at a decent pace. Get within visual range of our house and end up leaving 5 year old lying crying on verge and carrying 3 year old into house (keeping 5 year old in sight while time), shutting him in then returning to carry 5 year old in (physically can't carry both even if I leave the stuff).

This isn't a one off incident. It's not every day but our walks home regularly include one of them crying/fussing about the incredibly short walk (which I can cope with) and sometimes both (which I just can't). No one else I see on the school run seems to have this problem. I see childminders doing longer walks with twice the number of children without issue.

Should I just admit I'm shit at this? I feel like crying and giving up. I don't even know how to give up as there's no one else to get them from school. I had a bunch of fun things planned to do with them tonight but now I feel to down to even start.

OP posts:

Beccarecca · 22/02/2023 16:45

You are absolutely not alone! The children you saw walking home fine today have their moments too! Don't compare to childminders, children always behave differently with their parents. I found a big bag for life to throw all their bags, water bottles, coats etc in to was the best solution. And definitely a snack 🙂

Verynice1 · 22/02/2023 16:46

I had two like that and we lived opposite the school!

Blinkingheckythump · 22/02/2023 16:47

Many people have suggested a buggy, which makes a lot of sense, but you've not responded to this Idea, can you give it a go?

BertieBotts · 22/02/2023 16:49

This sounds totally normal for picking up young children from school/nursery - they are usually totally worn out (so short fuse for normal irritants etc) and they have often been bottling things up all day because they don't have the same openness and relaxation that they have at home.

When children have SN that can mask like autism, it's particularly noticeable and has a name "after school restraint collapse".

NT children aren't having such an obvious "collapse" but it's extremely common for them to be whiny, naughty and prone to tantrums after school.

BertieBotts · 22/02/2023 16:49

What I mean is, you're not doing anything wrong and it's normal for this bit of the day to be stressful!

Choconut · 22/02/2023 16:50

Take some bread sticks for them to munch on on the way home - don't give one to anyone fussing or crying, get them to wear their coats and carry their water bottles while you carry their bags, then chat calmly and quietly to them about what they've done/what's for tea/their favourite toy etc etc
It's not shit parenting it's just they're probably tired, hungry and over stimulated.

Original poster

Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 16:52

3 year old has outgrown the buggy we had, (his feet touch the floor), he's actually 4 in a few weeks.

I do promise them a snack when we get in, I have tried a snack on pick up but that often led to more drama (snatching off each other/screaming when the snack was dropped etc), but I could try it again.

OP posts:

BooCrew · 22/02/2023 16:52

Definitely buggy for the three year old, we've only just stopped using it this winter for my just turned four year old on long/tired walks. Also useful for restraint!

I pick mine up from nursery in the car and he sometimes has a meltdown in the nursery car park. It's just what small children are like, you're not shit (or if you are I am too).

Caterina99 · 22/02/2023 16:54

Mine get the school bus now hallelujah! But last 2 years I had to pick them up by car from
school/nursery and usually one or both was crying by the time we left the school car park

What about scooters? I know it’s another thing for you to carry, but they aren’t that heavy. That might get them home quicker. Buggy for the younger one, and all the associated crap is a good call too. Although my older one would probably whine about having to walk.

BooCrew · 22/02/2023 16:54

Hmm. If his feet touch the floor can he hoik them up just for the walk home? That is annoying, mine is quite short for his age so the buggy is still an option.

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 16:56

No bloody snacks. All the fat kids at the school over the road seem to have parents greeting them with ‘snacks’ totally unnecessary they’re about to have tea
bring a buggy
put the 3 year old in
put the bags and shit underneath in the compartment thing
5 year old walks next to you

Tiredmum100 · 22/02/2023 16:56

You're not a rubbish parent at all. I'm sure we've all been there at some point or another. I remember dragging my 2/3 year old of m and s, literally under his arms ad he was refusing to stand and going all rigid so I couldn't carry him. I would invest in a little pull along trolly to put all their stuff in, might make things easier.

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 16:57

Also sounds like you need to shout at them a little bit 🤷🏼‍♀️

Coffeecoffeeinmytummy · 22/02/2023 16:58

Mine are like this. Last week one of the infant teachers actually took pity on me and offered to help me out the playground - my youngest was refusing to leave and they wanted to shut the gates 😂 she bucks and kicks and screams when I try to carry her which then sets the eldest off so it’s all fun and games really.

i basically drag mine home and stuff the youngest in a buggy when I can but also just ply them both with snacks. It’s not pretty and they’re regularly both crying by the time we get home. Precious memories!

theplasticbagprincess · 22/02/2023 17:00

A buggy and snacks.
I am not looking forward to my youngest totally outgrowing a buggy, mostly it's just to hold the bags already though!

Burntoutandfedup · 22/02/2023 17:02

I took my 2 year old and 4 month old to a local country park on Monday (rookie error I know) had my two sisters with me too who each had a dog, we thought quick walk through the woods and half hour at the park then home. Simple. Everyone's happy.

although of course, no one's happy if my 2 year old isn't happy and she decided she wanted to touch stingy nettles which I obviously wouldn't allow too which she laid on the floor, wouldn't allow herself to be carried and wouldn't walk. So we were stuck in the woods with 2 barking dogs and a toddler who wouldn't get up. I also had my baby in a baby sling so I couldn't carry her myself, my sister ended up putting the sling on and taking baby and I picked her up and ran to the park, I was exhausted but I could think of no better way. We sat on a bench for 5 minutes to let her calm down before going into the park. Went into the park, she made a b-line straight for a bench where a woman was sat guarding 2 buckets and spades I said no and took her away, 2 seconds later she's back wrestling this woman for her buckets and spades, at which point our "fun park trip came to an abrupt end"

😂😂 kids are like this and it's very inconvenient at times

Comeonbarbiebrianharvey · 22/02/2023 17:03

This was my commute, it was so much easier with a buggy use one as long as possible. I might start bringing a rucksack to put everything in as they wont carry it. I bring snacks, or sweets or fruit and say I ll give you another when we get to the lampost/shop/post box. I used to think it was just my kids then one day noticed a seemingly perfectly behaved kid run to their front door, go in and when the door shut... I heard a deafening tantrum scream inside. That made me feel better.

AdamRyan · 22/02/2023 17:04

Three wheeled scooter, you cam push them along if they get tired. If they scooter there just leave them at preschool too.

BelindaBears · 22/02/2023 17:08

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 16:56

Am I allowed to give my child a snack on the way home since she’s a perfectly healthy weight (as proven by the NHS weight check 3 weeks ago before you start the “we’ve lost sight of what’s a healthy weight for a child” judgement woe). Better a banana and a walk than all this drama every day or some of the suggestions to drive such a short distance and pollute everyone’s lungs.

theplasticbagprincess · 22/02/2023 17:09

I also often feel like the only parent who has kids like this! I think I just don't see it happen to other parents, but it definitely does happen to lots of people, especially if they have neurodivergent kids or kids who find school particularly hard (adhd, anxiety, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, hearing and/or speech and language issues, there is any number of reasons! A lot of kids they are just tired or hungry, but restraint collapse is more common with neurodivergent kids and those with higher educational or support needs).
I get some death stares bringing chocolate and cakes on the school run, but it's the only thing that gets my kids home! In summer I have to meet one of them with a bottle of sports drink/lucozade, because she's a fussy eater and forgets to drink. In France it's the norm for kids to have chocolate and carbs at pick up time, whereas here it's judged. But my kids don't want a bag of carrot sticks at pick up time, we have a mile walk to do! They need some instant energy, and I don't care what other people think of them chomping chocolate brioche buns or kinder buenos anymore, I don't feed them junk all the time, but school pick up time is THE time. It's just more visible because we walk, and most parents drive.

Original poster

Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 17:09

BooCrew · 22/02/2023 16:54

Hmm. If his feet touch the floor can he hoik them up just for the walk home? That is annoying, mine is quite short for his age so the buggy is still an option.

He won't cooperate with being in the buggy, he will drag his feet on the floor to stop me pushing him (for fear of breaking his ankle!).

OP posts:

gemloving · 22/02/2023 17:12

Bribery 🤣 quite often works lol. Maybe this makes me a shit parent I don't know but makes life easier. The bribe is often a snack at home.

PennyRa · 22/02/2023 17:16

Backpacks
Snacks
Talk about something you are going to do later ( dinner, movie, game, ect)

Soproudoflionesses · 22/02/2023 17:19

I didn't realise my 3 year old had run out of the house and crossed the road because l was too busy eating chocolate cake. It was ages ago but honestly op you are not a shit parent!

Liz1tummypain · 22/02/2023 17:20

Could you get the 3 yo to sit in the buggy? I remember that period and it is a right pain. You'll get through it, hang in there.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5