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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I must just be shit at being a parent.

122 replies

Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 16:23

Went to pick my two children (3&5) up from preschool/school (same site, 5 min walk from our house). Both children full of smiles. Both children promptly dump bags/water bottles/coats on me - fine, it's heavy for them and I don't mind. Start walking home but 5 year old start crying because the low sun is in her eyes. I take her hand so she can walk with her eyes closed. 3 year old starts crying because he wants me to carry him. Point out my hands are full. 3 year old starts running wrong way back up road. Let go of 5 year old to chase 3 year old. 5 year old screams and cries. Return 3 year old to 5 year old. Neither child will walk unless I am holding their hand. Redistribute their belongings to them so I have two free hands but then they won't walk/scream/cry because everything is too heavy/difficult. Struggle painfully slowly down road alternating holding stuff/children in varying orders while both scream and cry and every single other parent walks their happy smiley children past us at a decent pace. Get within visual range of our house and end up leaving 5 year old lying crying on verge and carrying 3 year old into house (keeping 5 year old in sight while time), shutting him in then returning to carry 5 year old in (physically can't carry both even if I leave the stuff).

This isn't a one off incident. It's not every day but our walks home regularly include one of them crying/fussing about the incredibly short walk (which I can cope with) and sometimes both (which I just can't). No one else I see on the school run seems to have this problem. I see childminders doing longer walks with twice the number of children without issue.

Should I just admit I'm shit at this? I feel like crying and giving up. I don't even know how to give up as there's no one else to get them from school. I had a bunch of fun things planned to do with them tonight but now I feel to down to even start.

OP posts:
freespirit333 · 22/02/2023 17:21

It's not you! I feel like this is always me, two DC 7 and almost 4. 7 year old is ok now although will whinge occasionally, but my youngest will have spectacular meltdowns and I always feel like a sweaty, disorganised mess, wrangling him and scooters/bags etc. I also think all the other DC seem to be behaving!

Unfairestofthemall · 22/02/2023 17:25

Scooters are also a good thing but then mine can leave them at school during the day. I've also shaken bags of crisps/ whatever snack I've got with them like it's a bag of cat treats to distract them when they start moaning Grin. You're not a rubbish parent it's hard, you're their safe space so they cause a fuss more with you. Mine are 7&9 now and whilst they still complain they are getting better.

freespirit333 · 22/02/2023 17:25

Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 16:52

3 year old has outgrown the buggy we had, (his feet touch the floor), he's actually 4 in a few weeks.

I do promise them a snack when we get in, I have tried a snack on pick up but that often led to more drama (snatching off each other/screaming when the snack was dropped etc), but I could try it again.

Same age as my youngest who also hasn't been in a buggy for a long time. It's a hard age because at least at 2 you can just strap them into a buggy.

My DS has a micro scooter and a strap which I can pull him along on. We are 0.8 miles from school but I will also shamelessly drive for the pick up sometimes as by then he has done a trip there, been to the pre-school (mornings only) and usually done a PM activity too so is shattered.

NauseousNancy · 22/02/2023 17:25

Bribery. Promise them a sweetie/colouring/game when they get home if they are very good.

Probably makes me a shit parent but gets the job done. When they are tired and emotional ‘tough love’ doesn’t work and it’s just not what they need.

VivaVivaa · 22/02/2023 17:29

Difficult phase OP. My nephew is 5 and some days astounds me by how far he can walk, other days he’s whining and crying after a couple of hundred metres. Would they scoot or would that be another (2) things you’d end up carrying?

Original poster
Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 17:42

We have tried scooting - I thought if one was tired I'd just get them to stand in the scooter and pull them, but they refused to do that and I vowed never again after an incident in which both children refused to stand on or push their scooter home, so I had to ditch both scooters by the side of the road to march both children home while they screamed blue murder about how they would never get their scooters back. Once DH was home I went back for the scooters and I've never been quite sure if I was pleased or disappointed they were still there 😅.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 17:46

I was thinking I might give scooting another once the weather gets better in spring/summer.

OP posts:
babynoname22 · 22/02/2023 18:10

Would you sling 3 yo? Not sure what you could do with bags then? Or buggy for bags and they hold on to buggy?

You are not a shit parent. 3/5 pick up from nursery my child has a meltdown on way home. I rang nursery as I was concerned about how much he was crying over anything. They said he never cries Confused

End of day exhaustion. I now do pick up with ear plugs

babynoname22 · 22/02/2023 18:11

Oh and I do snack and drink in way home. Guess mine will be the day kid @Moonicorn perhaps I should shout at him more?

fruitandfibreg · 22/02/2023 18:13

Can you bring a snack for them to eat on the way home? They sound like me when I'm hungry 😂

gettingalifttothestation · 22/02/2023 18:23

Can you take the older one a scooter
Or a buggy for the youngest and somewhere to hang the bags.

mackthepony · 22/02/2023 18:40

You don't have access to a car I assume

Mariposista · 22/02/2023 18:44

In Spain children have little pull along bags for school/nursery. When they are very young they don't have a lot to put in them but when they get to the end of primary and have homework, they are the size of a small suitcase! Don't you go carrying everything like a donkey.
Snack, trolley bag, and ignore the whinging.

Sarahcoggles · 22/02/2023 19:01

Give them biscuits as they come out of school/pre school.

DS1 was like this. He liked school and held it together all day, following the rules, playing nicely etc. Then he came out and all those hours of restraint took their toll immediately. Combined with the fact that he was always hungry (most kids don't eat much at school), our walk home was a horror movie. Screaming, tantrums, running off, sitting down on the pavement, crying etc.

Someone suggested handing him a biscuit as he came out and the problem was solved over night.

Sarahcoggles · 22/02/2023 19:04

Moonicorn · 22/02/2023 16:56

No bloody snacks. All the fat kids at the school over the road seem to have parents greeting them with ‘snacks’ totally unnecessary they’re about to have tea
bring a buggy
put the 3 year old in
put the bags and shit underneath in the compartment thing
5 year old walks next to you

My DS is a lean sporty 17 year old now. But he needed a sugar hit after school when he was younger.

SaltnPeppaPig · 22/02/2023 19:09

Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 17:42

We have tried scooting - I thought if one was tired I'd just get them to stand in the scooter and pull them, but they refused to do that and I vowed never again after an incident in which both children refused to stand on or push their scooter home, so I had to ditch both scooters by the side of the road to march both children home while they screamed blue murder about how they would never get their scooters back. Once DH was home I went back for the scooters and I've never been quite sure if I was pleased or disappointed they were still there 😅.

😂

If their bags are backpacks, you can put both on your back at once, one on top of the other. Water bottles in the bags, then you can tuck the coats into the bag straps so you can have your hands free.

If their bags aren't backpacks, change them to backpacks!

Sandyshores2024 · 22/02/2023 19:12

Foldable pull along cart. Put everything in, children included.

Emmamoo89 · 22/02/2023 19:14

You're not shit x

MadamArcati99 · 22/02/2023 19:17

Sandyshores2024 · 22/02/2023 19:12

Foldable pull along cart. Put everything in, children included.

No for god sake, no wonder kids are such wusses, of course they can walk and carry their stuff. Jeez!

N4ish · 22/02/2023 19:18

This is totally normal, the 15 minutes after school pick up are invariably my kids most cranky part of the day. Things improve after a snack and a chance to wind down.

Original poster
Sleeptightnightlight · 22/02/2023 19:18

If their bags aren't backpacks, change them to backpacks!

Backpacks are against the school rules! They have annoying book bags that you can't put jumpers/drinks/coats in as the straps are extremely flimsy.

I think the PP suggestion of a backpack for me for all the miscellaneous bits so they only have to deal with coat and bookbag might be the way to go.

OP posts:
RememberFlimsy · 22/02/2023 19:26

All totally normal.

If possible, I'd find a bench to sit on outside nursery, give them a snack and a drink and a cuddle each before setting off. I'd also get each of them a scooter or balance bike which makes going home much more fun and less tiring.

But unfortunately, I think what you describe isn't always avoidable, no matter what you do!

namechanged221 · 22/02/2023 19:27

Could you get them scooters? Or buggy snd buggy board?

NoSquirrels · 22/02/2023 19:27

It’s a shit age gap at that age - it’s a stage, it will pass. The 3yo almost certainly can’t control the tantrum emotions and then the 5yo is jealous and wants the same attention so makes sure to get it.

Definitely a snack. Identical snacks so no arguing. You be in charge of them e.g. squares of chocolate/buttons/handfuls of trail mix that you can distribute when you hit a ‘landmark’ e.g. who can beat Mum to the lamppost (they both win, of course!) - or the Stop-Start game (they can only move when you tell them - even if they don’t do it right they’re going in the right direction.

I too have abandoned things in hedges and had to go back for them and endured the angelic children walking past perfectly…

user567543 · 22/02/2023 19:30

My dd's scooter got nicked from school - I was so glad!

It can be quite dangerous when they're tired!

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