To use donor sperm for 3rd baby?

[axndreial]

I have 2yo twins, one of each. I'm a single mum and have always wanted 3 DCs.

If I do get into another relationship, it won't be for a while yet and I don't want a big age gap as the new baby won't have anyone to play with where as with a 3/4 year gap they most likely will.

I'm thinking of using donor sperm, but I'm not sure as the child wont have contact with their father (obviously) where as their 2 siblings will and when they're older will be staying overnight with him etc.

Would you do this or should I stop at 2?

Totally agree with you

Two is enough for anyone.

I just hope people give the kind of thought to their children that they do to themselves. Personally me feeling 'desperate' is not reason enough to pursue motherhood at any cost. I rarely see people give critical thought to how offspring might feel - it's all about what they want.

I actually think going through these challenges can give one pause for thought on the 'selfish act' of pursuing parenthood that someone who can conceive naturally might not think about.

And of COURSE a counsellor at an IVF clinic is going to affirm your views....

I find this a slightly odd comment in that you recognise that people who have become parents through donor conception have likely spent a lot of time carefully considering all aspects of parenthood... and yet you somehow assume this won't have extended to considering what the experience of their child will be.

And personally, I found implications counselling to be a process of gently challenging my thoughts and reflecting on alternatives, so I feel you're off the mark in assuming the counselling is there to essentially agree with you.

All in all the idea that parents of donor-conceived children are just cavalier and thoughtless is such an alien one to me, and I find it quite ironic that it's often proffered by people whose experiences on the road to parenthood may not have involved anything like as much thought.

I find this a slightly odd comment in that you recognise that people who have become parents through donor conception have likely spent a lot of time carefully considering all aspects of parenthood... and yet you somehow assume this won't have extended to considering what the experience of their child will be.

Not odd at all. How many ‘should I have kids’ threads on here are wondering how having a baby would affect their life? As opposed to ‘do I have enough to offer a baby?’.

I have 3 and a very involved DH. Stick to 2 as 3 is alot to manage alone. I wouldn't do it on purpose.

Not odd at all. How many ‘should I have kids’ threads on here are wondering how having a baby would affect their life? As opposed to ‘do I have enough to offer a baby?’.
Okay, I get that. But do you accept that a person might reflect on the latter question and come to the conclusion that they could offer quite a bit? I definitely found that the process of donor conception was one of thinking about my future child as a person - not just a baby - considering the spectrum of their potential thoughts and feelings and situation in depth, and being willing and prepared to adapt to what their thoughts and feelings turn out to be throughout their life.

I think the main issue that you shouldn’t is the child will likely feel sad at having no dad like their siblings. It could cause issues. I know you get some families like this but to purposely create it is different.

I honestly don't mean to come across as being rude but this sounds to me a bit like, "I have always fancied having three designer handbags......" etc

I think you should invest your time in finding a new partner with same wishes as you, perhaps you could complete your family then and the new baby would be welcomed by mum and dad.

@Persipan i suppose so. I mean, very few people have 100% ideal circumstances to have a baby (which would be, let’s face it, exactly 32, married for 3+ years, in owned house, combined salary of 80k, perfect physical and mental health, supportive extended family blah blah).

But, not knowing who your dad is is a really big deal. Not just for medical/social reasons. But there’s something primitive about blood and genetics, hence why we want our own genetic children to start with rather than adopting. And missing out on any opportunity to get to know them and losing half your extended family - only one set of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Explaining your situation to everyone - future friends, boyfriends, in laws - would be complicated and a little embarrassing. Most people just want to fit in.