Tedious performative under eaters

[SlimPig]

The thread about the PIL's measly portions reminded me of this, and how iritating it is. I remember once at work they bought us all fish and chips on one friday afternoon. When it arrived the two other women started their bs as soon as they were handed their box - oohh the weight of that! I'll never eat all that! Hadn't even opened it and looked at it yet.

Then, once opened, both of them, oh my god, I'll never eat all that (measly takeaway cardboard box portion, not a massive, in paper, large portion) ooh dear, we won't need dinner, or breakfast tomorrow now will we! Don't think I can eat my peas too, I'm so stuffed. I'm going to need to go for two runs tomorrow now! On and on, through the whole meal.

I was starving and had to make a conscious effort to eat it slowly because they were fucking about and pushing it round the box and I didn't want to look a pig, I'm a fast eater anyway, but that meal was just so god awful! In the end I just ate it at my normal speed.

Why? Why do people do this? Why can't they just eat their food normally? Why does everything have to be justified and offset? Just strikes me as so sad that they couldn't just eat their food without a whole performance (infront of all the men in the office, only 3 women there, me and them) of how birdlike they normally eat 😥

Yes you can...in many many restaurants.

Sometimes it's advertised as 'half portions for children', but more often than not, it's advertised as 'for the smaller appetite'. I guess because some adults would be embarrassed to ask for a children's portion.

The pp was saying her mil would try and order half of the standard portion of whatever she wanted on the menu. She wasn't ordering from the 'smaller appetite' menu.

So I don't get your point

I’m actually finding this thread and the majority of comments such a comfort, thank you OP! it seems I’m not the only person in the world who enjoys a decent portion 😅

Are you new to Mumsnet?

Stick around and you'll see tonnes of competitive overeating and undereating threads.

Our friends in Poland sliced up the Mars bars my parents had taken, back in the day, handed it round to everyone gathered.

My mother is a delightful competitive performance undereater 'I'll just have a quarter of a slice of bread' for breakfast'. She ended up in hospital recently, dehydrated and malnourished, didn't have the strength to get off the floor where she'd ended up. I sent her nuts and chocolate as she will definitely eat these. My brother has been making her eat and she says to him: 'Are you eating that much' when he'd been on an 18 mile hike and served himself a huge portion-he's 6'3 and built like a brick shithouse.

My MIL has a real feeder thing going on at her home. She does good portions, forces second helpings and then the pudding is always fattening and massive. I’ve known her to make two puddings in fact and expect it to all be eaten. There’s a lot of huffing when you say ‘no thank you, I’m stuffed’. But what’s really annoying is anywhere else she eats small portions and refuses dessert saying she’s on diet when you’ve made a lot of effort making a good meal and nice dessert you’ve spent hours on. It infuriates me.

Another thing that really PISSES me off and gets me really angry, is when people feel the need to comment on what you're eating, and stare at you when you're eating.. And then say, 'oooh, you hoovered that up, didn't you' and 'you've got an elephant's portion there! Look at all that foooood!' and 'You'll get fat eating all that!' Just absolutely, literally, totally FUCK OFF with commenting on what I am eating. I really want to punch someone in the face when they do that.

I was eating a normal amount for a middle aged average sized woman.

And this amount varies enormously, depending on what someone considers to be a normal amount obviously.

Just googled fastelavnsboller - they look so fucking good.

She said....

She even tries to order half portions telling the waiter how she really can’t eat that much.

Many restaurants will happily sell smaller portions and adjust the price.

I know this because my 90 year old dad and 92 year old brother can't eat much at all at their age.

This isn't what the thread is about. OP hasn't publicly chided anyone. These people are deliberately drawing attention to their own eating to highlight how little they can eat as it if is some sort of achievement. They're the ones making other people feel bad for wanting to eat what is normal for them and trying to make it into a competition. They've not got eating disorders, they just like to put on a performance.

OP YADNBU. They are trying to draw others into their own weird competition.

A few years back no-one would have a pudding when out for dinner as they "couldn't possibly manage it" whilst having had several glasses of wine which contain far more calories.

While I know a fair few competitive under eaters I've also known my share of office feeders who do the opposite - eat loads, push food on everyone else and criticise them if they don't want any snacks/mock them for eating salads etc. Tbh the whole thing makes me glad I now wfh!

I couldnt care less about how much/how little anyone elae eats, It's the performance/commentary bit that's annoying.
There's just no need to discuss either your portion size or anyone else's.
For one its rude but its also really fucking boring as a topic of conversation!

God, all the people on this thread deliberately misunderstanding your point OP, its very tedious! You're quite clearly not saying its annoying when people eat small amounts. Its the endlessly and loudly talking about how they couldn't possibly eat all that to the point that everyone else is made to feel greedy if they do eat it all.

I'd be very tempted to go the other way to drown them out: "goodness, is that? That's hardly enough to feed a small child! Oh wow, I'm going to be starving if that's all there is. I hope I've got enough in to make a big dinner for tonight"

Maybe it was just too much food for them. If you eat less generally you don't tend to want very big portions. People usually load too much on their plates anyway.

Same but from a different perspective because I have a fairly small appetite.

"Oooh look at you being good!"

"Oooh you put us all to shame!"

"Oooh no wonder you're so tiny!"

"Oooh go on, try to eat something from the dessert menu!"

Just fuck off and keep your eyes on your own plate 🙄

She said....

She even tries to order half portions telling the waiter how she really can’t eat that much.

Many restaurants will happily sell smaller portions and adjust the price.

I know this because my 90 year old dad and 92 year old brother can't eat much at all at their age.

I still maintain that food should be ordered from the menu as listed.

Lol. Look at the post above you

My friend's husband does this. She's actually about 15 stone (and 5 ft 3) and has struggled to get underneath this weight for the last 15 years.. And when she HAS, she can't maintain the lower weight. When she tries to diet, he keeps bringing home cream cakes, fish and chips, pizza, donuts, boxes of chocolates, and McDonalds food, telling her she is fine as she is. (She isn't, she is 5 stone overweight...)

He's desperately trying to keep her fat, and has got really annoyed when she has dropped a stone or two over the years. He has done his best to make sure she regains the weight. I think he's afraid if she loses weight that a lot more men will look at her. But yeah, he's definitely a feeder.

I am a stick. I have a really little frame (I am fit and exercise and lift weights lots but I’ve always been little) and people always feel entitled to comment if I eat. Men especially. I don’t snack so when I have a meal, I generally eat all of it, which seems to shock/disgust/amaze/impress (delete as appropriate).

😂

Different opinions.

I consider that the action of an abusive man. Poor woman.

Are you joking? She shouldn't be allowed to eat what she wants to because it might impact YOU?

Unbelievable.

Another poster missing the point of the thread.

I have a small appetite, always have done, probably compounded by my smoking. I’ve also always been a slow eater. No concerns over how healthy food is, I just can’t eat a lot of it.

I don’t think I “performatively” under eat, but if I do ever comment, it’s an attempt to prevent embarrassment for myself rather than to show anyone else up.

I don’t like it being suggested I am needlessly dieting/weight conscious by not finishing food. I don’t like being judged for wasting food if I feel obliged to take more than I know I will want. I find it excruciating being the last one eating, everyone sitting waiting for me to finish, when I know I’ve had enough anyway and don’t want the rest.

A simple “ooh that’s quite a big portion for me” does something to stop all the irritating comments you so often get for having the cheek to be not particularly into food.

Hate hate hate this, it's such damaging behaviour. My grandmother's favourite compliment was always 'nice and slim' and it genuinely contributed to me developing an eating disorder. Now I have a DD, I'm seriously considering setting out some ground rules for how my mother and MIL talk about food and weight and body image around her. Thinking along the lines of strength instead of weight, health instead of size etc. Any advice from people who have also set some rules around this?

I had a job a few years ago where an older woman called me 'greedy' for eating two side salads for lunch. I was skinny, fit and didn't need the nagging.

Had another job a year later where all the women I sat around obsessively talked about dieting all day. They would ask to see the wrapper of anything you ate.

Fortunately, as I got into more advanced roles that stupidity stopped.

5/6 days out 7 I only eat an evening meal ,usually a hello fresh meal . With no snaking . I'm currently trying to loose weight though.

I get on with it and dont say anything mainly as I'm sure people will think I'm starving myself