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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to pull my son out of nursery based on what I’ve seen?

112 replies

rsarw · 22/02/2023 08:32

12 month old DS just started nursery in baby room. over the course of two settling in visits and his first day I’ve seen the following:
babies being left to it/ not picked up or comforted when crying, multiple times - I’ve had to resist the urge to comfort them myself. It’s possible they were eventually picked up after I left but it went on for a good 5 mins and staff seemed to completely ignore it.

Very little staff interaction with babies, staff are rarely on the floor playing or interacting with them. Babies are desperate for attention so swarm me when I come in.

little girl fell off a bike toy badly, hitting her head. Member of staff didn’t know what to do and had to be told by another multiple times to apply a cold compress. She then picked DS up and put him on the same toy
despite the fact he’s not old enough and his key worker had to take him off it.

staff heating milk too hot for babies, and other staff member noticing and reminding them they needed to check it. Baby could presumably have burnt mouth if other staff hadn’t stepped in.

DS incredibly thirsty on return from first proper day, hadn’t had his milk, assuming also hadn’t had water.

staff expressing slight contempt for babies eg X does that for attention, ‘they throw themselves at the floor to get
us to come over’

my son’s key worker hardly interacting with him at his settling sessions, not noticing/ leaving him to cry on the floor when upset (when I was there).

communication with me not good, when asking how the day/ session was or calling for an update they will just say ‘he seems ok’ or ‘he’s doing well’, then when I ask if he’s been crying it turns out he has.
DS distressed at pickup from first session, and unsettled all evening and night. He’s generally a very chill baby. I get it’s an adjustment but this seems a lot for just 4 hours.

staff seem very focussed on completing tasks eg nappies and meals and naps and app updates but not on general engagement with the babies. I get nursery is 3:1 and will inevitably be less attentive but it feels like the staff actively avoid the babies to try and get them to expect less and be more self sufficient.

basically my hunch is the kids get ignored and left to cry a lot and the staff aren’t great.

on the plus side, he’s apparently eaten lots at mealtimes, and he’s napped well there.

based on all this we’re looking at taking him out, despite the fact I go back to work in 2 weeks and we have no backup. Currently trying to find a nanny at short notice, although this will cost us some savings it feels like the only option until
we can find a better nursery.

OP posts:
Mumalli · 22/02/2023 08:33

I wouldn’t be leaving my child there. Your gut is telling you this.

Yayyayitsaholiholiday · 22/02/2023 08:35

Sounds like the right decision. A lot of nurseries offer shockingly poor care.

Santasoorplooms · 22/02/2023 08:36

Take him out.

BusyMum47 · 22/02/2023 08:36

If ever there was a time to listen to your gut, it's regarding your children. No way I'd leave him there.

Commonsensitivity · 22/02/2023 08:36

Sounds horrendous. Do not leave your baby there. Find an alternative.

Nimbostratus100 · 22/02/2023 08:38

what ever a parent sees, it will be worse when they are not there

My daughter worked in a nursery for a while, and came home with some shocking stories, the parents never knew anything about it

AnotherCountryMummy · 22/02/2023 08:39

Yep I'd be out. The gut is rarely wrong.

Nimbostratus100 · 22/02/2023 08:41

AnotherCountryMummy · 22/02/2023 08:39

Yep I'd be out. The gut is rarely wrong.

well, Id say the gut is normally wrong! but this isnt gut, this is conclusions based on observations

fUNNYfACE36 · 22/02/2023 08:44

Welcome to nurseries.one person can't meet the needs of 3 babies

Octonaut4Life · 22/02/2023 08:47

That's terrible and not at all my experience of my nursery. When we did settling in, all the staff were on the floor with the wee ones and half the time it seemed as though my son spent most of the day just getting cuddles! Definitely go with your gut.

Newstartonwards · 22/02/2023 08:49

Never in a million years would I leave him there.

list your reasons and pull him out.

my child went to a nursery where Mrs Fuller was his second mum and always was playing and comforting them. It was lovely.

nutbrownhare15 · 22/02/2023 08:50

Take him out and report your concerns to Ofsted

OracleMiracle · 22/02/2023 08:51

Listen to your gut: all your instincts are saying this isn’t right for your child.

Nimbostratus100 · 22/02/2023 08:54

fUNNYfACE36 · 22/02/2023 08:44

Welcome to nurseries.one person can't meet the needs of 3 babies

yes they can, if they want to

LynetteScavo · 22/02/2023 08:54

I'd take him out! It sounds awful!

Springintoabetterlife · 22/02/2023 08:56

That’s awful. Take him out.

Fleur405 · 22/02/2023 08:58

My daughter is the same age and just started nursery a few weeks ago. Our nursery has a sort of internal window so you can see into the baby room before you get to the door - I always see staff on the floor playing, babies getting cuddles - maybe one is sitting on someone’s knee getting a story, maybe one is asleep in their key worker’s arms. It’s so lovely there and they really do attend to the individual child’s needs (as far as is possible and reasonable of course) and my daughter has the same key worker my son did when he was there. I’m happy to leave her there because I know she has a lot of fun and I’m confident she is well cared for.

Your nursery on the other hand sounds horrible so yes I’d look for a new setting whether it be a child minder or just a better nursery.

rexythedinosaur · 22/02/2023 09:02

I wouldn't leave him there OP.

It's not just your gut telling you something is off - you've seen how bad it is!

Pull him out but please also make a formal complaint and tell them the reasons why you are doing so - there are other children there too and it will continute to fail them unless parents speak up.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/02/2023 09:03

My DD was really happy in her nursery and at 8yo still talks about her nursery key worker fondly, but it sounds like the nursery you've been to isn't great.

We picked based on how content the kids looked, I barely listened to what the adults were saying as they walked us around, I looked at whether the kids were playing, had options for different kinds of play and also quiet areas if they were overwhelmed. I saw kids taking naps when they were ready for one, not on a schedule. I saw kids gleefully messy because they were doing outside and water play. I saw kids fall over and being scooped up by caring staff who had them smiling in minutes. The kids were noisy, inquisitive and confident, they could wander over to a staff member and know they'd be acknowledged and looked after.

Start looking around at some alternatives, including childminders so you can find somewhere that feels right for your child.

snowflake29 · 22/02/2023 09:08

Your gut is right with this, trust it.

It's not the experience I had when DS started at our nursery. When I was shown round the staff in the baby room were all on the floor with the babies, one was cuddling an upset 14 month old (first day) while also rocking a baby in a bouncy chair with her foot and talking to my 11 month old. Seemed very under control and the baby room was lovely and colourful and stimulating.

DisappearingGirl · 22/02/2023 09:09

I don't like the sound of that either OP, even though I'm not generally an overly critical person or someone who complains at the slightest thing. But it doesn't sound like a nice environment.

Mine went to 2 different nurseries, and while there were a couple of staff that seemed a bit detached and more interested in form-filling, most of the staff seemed great with the kids and were often down on the floor with them, cuddling them etc.

Sillyheadoooooo · 22/02/2023 09:11

Whoa, if I were you I’d be making a complaint to ofsted. They need an emergency inspection.
I worry that if that’s how they behave when parents are there, that it’s even worse when they are not.
You don’t need a nanny if you can’t afford one - if you can find the right childminder. I think childminders are the best option for under 3s because they get that key person that is so important to a young baby’s development. Bad nurseries can’t replicate this.

Veryniceindeed · 22/02/2023 09:12

That’s all really awful. Don’t send him back.

Mamansparkles · 22/02/2023 09:17

Sillyheadoooooo · 22/02/2023 09:11

Whoa, if I were you I’d be making a complaint to ofsted. They need an emergency inspection.
I worry that if that’s how they behave when parents are there, that it’s even worse when they are not.
You don’t need a nanny if you can’t afford one - if you can find the right childminder. I think childminders are the best option for under 3s because they get that key person that is so important to a young baby’s development. Bad nurseries can’t replicate this.

Agree with this, report to Ofsted. Except the bit about you dont need a nanny - get on a childminders waiting list, yes, but in most areas they are like hens teeth with a long waiting list so yes you might need to use savings to plug a gap with a temporary nanny but it will be worth it!

KindlyKanga · 22/02/2023 09:19

Yeah this doesn't sound good