To want to pull my son out of nursery based on what I’ve seen?

[rsarw]

12 month old DS just started nursery in baby room. over the course of two settling in visits and his first day I’ve seen the following:
babies being left to it/ not picked up or comforted when crying, multiple times - I’ve had to resist the urge to comfort them myself. It’s possible they were eventually picked up after I left but it went on for a good 5 mins and staff seemed to completely ignore it.

Very little staff interaction with babies, staff are rarely on the floor playing or interacting with them. Babies are desperate for attention so swarm me when I come in.

little girl fell off a bike toy badly, hitting her head. Member of staff didn’t know what to do and had to be told by another multiple times to apply a cold compress. She then picked DS up and put him on the same toy
despite the fact he’s not old enough and his key worker had to take him off it.

staff heating milk too hot for babies, and other staff member noticing and reminding them they needed to check it. Baby could presumably have burnt mouth if other staff hadn’t stepped in.

DS incredibly thirsty on return from first proper day, hadn’t had his milk, assuming also hadn’t had water.

staff expressing slight contempt for babies eg X does that for attention, ‘they throw themselves at the floor to get
us to come over’

my son’s key worker hardly interacting with him at his settling sessions, not noticing/ leaving him to cry on the floor when upset (when I was there).

communication with me not good, when asking how the day/ session was or calling for an update they will just say ‘he seems ok’ or ‘he’s doing well’, then when I ask if he’s been crying it turns out he has.
DS distressed at pickup from first session, and unsettled all evening and night. He’s generally a very chill baby. I get it’s an adjustment but this seems a lot for just 4 hours.

staff seem very focussed on completing tasks eg nappies and meals and naps and app updates but not on general engagement with the babies. I get nursery is 3:1 and will inevitably be less attentive but it feels like the staff actively avoid the babies to try and get them to expect less and be more self sufficient.

basically my hunch is the kids get ignored and left to cry a lot and the staff aren’t great.

on the plus side, he’s apparently eaten lots at mealtimes, and he’s napped well there.

based on all this we’re looking at taking him out, despite the fact I go back to work in 2 weeks and we have no backup. Currently trying to find a nanny at short notice, although this will cost us some savings it feels like the only option until
we can find a better nursery.

This is what they showed you when they were meant to be on best behaviour... Definitely avoid. From working in nurseries I have often felt I can't comfort babies. A lot of sighing and tutting from other workers. I just ignored them. But I was told a few times I was making them more needy, so you are correct in your observation there. I decided after working in nurseries I wouldn't be sending my children as babies. However at preschool age I find them to be fantastic. There are better ones out there but you need to keep searching and definitely don't settle for a place like you mentioned!

That sounds horrendous. My two kids have been in nursery since they were just a few months old and it was nothing like this! Take your child out immediately.

Pull hiM out op. Child minders would be my preferred choice over nurseries for this reason. Some childminders take on a second worker if you are worried about the accountability of a lone adult. The whole system needs reworking.

This is what happens when EYFS is not given the respect and the money it deserves. Some passionate people go on to choose it as a career because they love this stage of development, and want to facilitate that as best they can. They certainly are not choosing it because they think they’ll be financially well off.

We need to be honest about the bulk of those going to study childcare. It is the go to for disaffected, low performers (not always because of intelligence), who don’t know what else to do. It will stay like that until it becomes more competitive and rewarding.

Goodness how awful.

Of the several nurseries mine have been in, on reflection it's just not a great setting for under 3s, but this sounds dire.

I'd report to ofsted for my own peace of mind.

Head over to the nanny threads for the pitfalls of nannies and always go with your gut feeling. You know this setting is rubbish.

Don't leave your baby there. I'd flag your concerns too. I found a great nursery through word of mouth. Their recent Ofsted says that babies and toddlers greet the staff with smiles and react to them. You can't fake that. Ask locally for recommendations. Good luck!

I mean you clearly know that you are in fact being rude and goady.

Would it be better if we all quit our jobs and either went onto benefits or starved and went homeless?

I work, I have worked since I was 16 and I like having a career, does that mean I shouldn't have children in your opinion?

How do you afford to have children and not work?

If a nanny is too much a stretch see if you can find another local family to nanny share with. It will be a bit cheaper

Visited twice, saw nothing like this.

I would not take my child back there.

My daughter started nursery just after she turned one, she went to the same one my son went to. She is so happy there, she has a whale of a time. Staff are so loving and warm towards the children. She waves me off, is never unhappy to go to the staff.

I've actually had to go in as a professional to observe a couple of children and always been amazed at how wonderful staff are with the kids. Also had to go to another nursery and they were also lovely.

It will be a sad day when my daughter leaves as a I truly love the nursery.

I saw so many before my son went, and when I saw this one I just knew it was the right one.

You have to trust your gut. Childminders never appealed to me, I always see them at our local toddler group just leaving them to it and sitting down gossiping.

Could you delay going back to work til you find somewhere?

YANBU and to be honest I would be posting some anonymous warnings in local parenting fb groups

Of course hes napping well if hes been crying all bloody day! how knackering!

Quite. I’ve been told he cried total 5mins day one and 10 day two but I suspect it’s more. And yes I feel like eating and sleeping are just him finding ways of coping with the distress. Won’t be putting him through it again.

Think you answered your own question- because they need to work. Is it really that inconceivable that a woman might be able to have a baby and a job?

Sounds awful OP, report to Ofstead and to the nursery manager, sounds like the children at the nursery could potentially be at risk in an environment like this.

A “cold compress” is not an appropriate treatment for a head injury. But apart from that YANBU.

We looked at a nursery that was a bit like this and didn’t like it at all. We sent our son to the one that said “visit any time, you don’t need to make an appointment” because they didn’t have anything to hide. He has flourished there.

It's really hard to do baby care well in nurseries. It's not impossible but it is difficult.

Looking after a baby can be very demanding, they need a lot of attention, and actually lots of people find it quite boring.
Coping with crying babies is very stressful, trying to meet the needs of lots of clingy babies is stressful especially if it's not always possible.
Many nurseries do discourage babies getting too attached or used to lots of cuddles because it isn't always possible to then give them the affection they want.

When baby rooms are very busy as well (any more than maybe 9-12 under 2s) it becomes much more difficult to give appropriate emotionally engaged care as the practical tasks are multiplied - changing nappies, making bottles, getting everyone down for a nap, doing it on a tight schedule so multiple staff members also get breaks, filling in apps or diaries, cleaning.
Corners have to be cut somewhere and the little things that might get overlooked are things like changing wet clothes promptly, cleaning faces gently, feeding responsively, settling for naps.
The babies just become tasks to be completed.

Some baby rooms are good and the things I would look for are - small group sizes, having the most experienced and long standing staff in the baby room (some nurseries will shove the apprentices in there because it's the "worst job"), and a real understanding of attachment and babies' emotional needs. Any nursery that splits the baby unit into lots of small age groups (eg non-mobile, crawlers, walkers) so they change room and staff every few months is to be avoided because they purposefully do not want babies to get attached to the adults caring for them.

Really what it comes down to is that most average nurseries will be an enjoyable experience for a 3 or 4 year old. But a nursery has to be really amazing to be good for a 1 year old.

Please report this to Ofsted.

I haven't read the whole thread but do consider a childminder. We have used 2 and been really happy with both and it's cheaper than nursery and much cheaper than a nanny.
It's a lot less busy than a nursery and to me it just feels like better care than what I hear from friends and their nurseries.
I just asked on Facebook each time for recommendations.

OP , please please report your concerns to OFSTED - they need an unannounced visit. That’s really awful observations to make, and if that’s what your seeing imagine what it’s like when there isn’t a parent sat there x

Run a mile! I started ds at a nursery where I had doubt from settling in sessions v similar to yours. Wish I had followed my gut instinct instead of being pressured by work/dh. Three months in had to pull out and got him in with a brilliant childminder. If you get a good nursery/childminder you will 100% see the difference.

I worked in a nursey in a different country where there were 14 4m- 16m olds with 3 staff members, so ratios not as good as at your nursery, but we were with the little ones ALL the time, always down at their level, often sat on the floor with two or three on my lap, constantly engaging, soothing, talking, singing to them because that's the job and that's what they need. Our children were clean, nappies changed promptly etc. It was manic and very hard work but the nursery was extremely well run with very experienced staff.

My point being, there's no excuse for what you say you have seen. I would definitely not leave my child there.

Not knowing what to do with a bumped head or how to check temp of milk?! Hell no.

This is not my nursery experience or experience of friends at other nurseries. This is horrendous!

I wouldn’t leave my child in that place for even a single minute more after seeing what you have seen. It sounds awful.

That’s awful. My DC is a similar age and at nursery. What you’ve posted encapsulates my worst fears.

Take him out. Listen to your gut, you’re your boy’s protector.

Go with gut. I'd go with childminder. Can you take any time off to sort situation until the childminder is sorted.

Sounds awful and definitely not normal, or normal in a good nursery anyway