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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM doesn’t want to meet new partner

122 replies

Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:39

I have been with my new bf almost 6 months. All going very well.

we are in our 30s, no kids, no history of bad relationships - no reason my family should be wary basically. A few close family members and friends have met him and all really like him.

DM lives a few hours away and is coming for a social visit this weekend. She is recovering from a physical op (fractured leg) so is not 100% but will still come. I have excitedly suggested she meet bf for a casual meeting (I have met his whole family a few times now) and she panicked at the idea, said she wasn’t feeling 100% and doesn’t want to this time basically.

im hurt - she isn’t often in my area and have suggested he comes to me, we meet somewhere local, anything to relieve the pressure basically. We have had some issues where DM basically doesn’t want to hear that much about the relationship and this feels hurtful - like she isn’t interested in meeting someone who is a key part of my life? I can see the relationship getting very serious and don’t really know how to handle her attitude. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:41

Just to add, leg is healed although she doesn’t feel fully received yet. I get if she doesn’t want to meet him when she’s not fully herself hence why I suggested he pop over for a cup of tea. She can stay sat down and comfortable, she will be fine - but she just doesn’t seem keen.

it hurts because his parents (who admittedly are a lot more local to me) were champing at the bit to meet me and I really enjoy their company!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 21/02/2023 20:44

Seems so odd she panicked. You don’t know why she’s so against meeting him? I’d feel the same as you do. But I’d really want to know her reasons.

Toobusytowee · 21/02/2023 20:46

I wonder if meeting an adult child’s boyfriend would take a lot of effort and energy? My children are young so I haven’t experienced this yet. Your mum would have to be ‘on’ and there would be pressure to make a good impression. Perhaps she just isn’t up to this. She wants to just see you and enjoy your company. She can relax with you and have a moan, chat about private stuff and not worry about a stranger being there.

I wouldn’t push it if I were you. Let her meet him when she feels ready and everyone will be happier.

Original poster
Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:47

@Toobusytowee he won’t be there the whole weekend though. It will be a short meeting.

OP posts:
Christmaspyjamas · 21/02/2023 20:50

I cannot abide people who can't respect other people's clearly communicated boundaries.

Grow up.

verdantverdure · 21/02/2023 20:52

She's coming to see you. Her daughter. Not a stranger.

SummerWinds · 21/02/2023 20:54

I don't understand your urgency, there will be plenty of other times for her to meet him, you can still enjoy your time with your Mum. I would respect the fact she has said she's not up to it.

mynameiscalypso · 21/02/2023 20:54

Maybe she's feeling physically worse than you think she is? Or struggling with her mental health post-Op?

Monsterpage · 21/02/2023 20:54

Give her a break. She’s not 100% - she’s coming to see you not make new friends.

AllOfThemWitches · 21/02/2023 20:56

I think it's a bit self absorbed to expect others to be super interested in fairly new relationships.

PaigeMatthews · 21/02/2023 20:56

Another one thinking you should grow up.

she said no. Nicely. And understandably as she has recently had surgery. But mainly because she said no.

she said she wasn’t feeling 100% and doesn’t want to this time basically. I’m hurt
ridiculous.

inventinglouise · 21/02/2023 20:56

Breaking a limb makes you feel incredibly vulnerable, even when it's almost healed - your DM is still probably exhausted by the whole thing and just wants a relaxing time with you

Xrays · 21/02/2023 20:58

If he’s going to be in your life for a long time then surely there’ll be other chances for her to meet him?

In her shoes I wouldn’t want to meet him either. She wants to spend time with you. Having a new person there completely changes the dynamic.

Original poster
Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:58

Wow! I basically live with him and he’s a big part of my life. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get married one day. It’s not that new, it’s five months. Some really harsh responses here.

OP posts:
DirectionToPerfection · 21/02/2023 21:01

Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:58

Wow! I basically live with him and he’s a big part of my life. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get married one day. It’s not that new, it’s five months. Some really harsh responses here.

It's just the way on here unfortunately, some posters are desperate to put the boot in wherever they can.

YANBU and I think most people in your situation would feel disappointed. That's completely natural.

Kangarude · 21/02/2023 21:01

Some of the responses do seem harsh but I think you're overthinking it.
I don't really have a great deal of interest in meeting my adult DS's girlfriends to be honest. There has been quite a few over the years! There's no reason, I'm just not overly interested.

Xrays · 21/02/2023 21:01

Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:58

Wow! I basically live with him and he’s a big part of my life. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get married one day. It’s not that new, it’s five months. Some really harsh responses here.

5 months is VERY new. Honeymoon phase new.

inventinglouise · 21/02/2023 21:02

So if you're going to get married, there's no rush, is there? Let your DM recover before forcing her to meet him.

Mum2jenny · 21/02/2023 21:06

Do not understand the voting at all. I can’t see where you are being unreasonable.

Choconut · 21/02/2023 21:08

Maybe it would have been better if you hadn't asked - especially if he practically lives there anyway. He could just have been in when she arrived, no big deal - and then left after a bit. I think by asking her about it you've made it seem like a really big thing that she might be a bit wary of.

Wolfiefan · 21/02/2023 21:11

Five months is new.
She doesn’t feel recovered from her injury and doesn’t want to meet him.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 21/02/2023 21:12

Is your dm single? my dm actually couldn't bear to see me happy..

anxiouslemon · 21/02/2023 21:14

5 months is new.
Have you introduced her to a few previous partners? Perhaps she's thinking "not another one"

PaigeMatthews · 21/02/2023 21:20

Eastereggsboxedupready · 21/02/2023 21:12

Is your dm single? my dm actually couldn't bear to see me happy..

Because single people cannot be happy?

WinterMusings · 21/02/2023 21:21

@Kilsy YANBU to be hurt & disappointed. She's showing no interest in someone who is a big part of your life. You were suggesting a cup of tea, not a formal event fgs.

Does she have form for not being interested?

just tell DP, she's acting odd after her broken leg & best to leave it for now. Plan something nice with him when she leaves.

ignire the weird posts!!