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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DM doesn’t want to meet new partner

122 replies

Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:39

I have been with my new bf almost 6 months. All going very well.

we are in our 30s, no kids, no history of bad relationships - no reason my family should be wary basically. A few close family members and friends have met him and all really like him.

DM lives a few hours away and is coming for a social visit this weekend. She is recovering from a physical op (fractured leg) so is not 100% but will still come. I have excitedly suggested she meet bf for a casual meeting (I have met his whole family a few times now) and she panicked at the idea, said she wasn’t feeling 100% and doesn’t want to this time basically.

im hurt - she isn’t often in my area and have suggested he comes to me, we meet somewhere local, anything to relieve the pressure basically. We have had some issues where DM basically doesn’t want to hear that much about the relationship and this feels hurtful - like she isn’t interested in meeting someone who is a key part of my life? I can see the relationship getting very serious and don’t really know how to handle her attitude. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Kilsy · 21/02/2023 21:26

Hes the first one I’ve ever introduced her too… some of these posts are really odd.

OP posts:
anxiouslemon · 21/02/2023 21:30

What's odd about the posts? People are just trying to figure out why your mum doesn't want to meet your new boyfriend Confused

yeetingbird · 21/02/2023 21:33

5 months is super early in a relationship.

Why the rush?

junebirthdaygirl · 21/02/2023 21:36

Does she struggle with meeting new people generally? She may have always been reluctant but this is the first time you have seen it.

ZekeZeke · 21/02/2023 21:38

She isn't often in the area, she wants to see you, not your boyfriend. Totally reasonable request from her.

Justkeepingplatesspinning · 21/02/2023 21:40

Have you been hurt in the past and she's had to pick up pieces? My DM was completely against me getting into any relationship because I'd been hurt before. She has never accepted my new partner, despite us being together for 15 or so years and married.
Yours may be similar? Or the broken leg has knocked her confidence? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, there will be another time when she can meet your OH x

girlfriend44 · 21/02/2023 21:42

Wow how horrible le, selfish and boring.
Is he missing out on anything though if she's like that. Speaks volumes about her.

Snugglemonkey · 21/02/2023 21:43

I do find it a bit weird tbh, but then I am nosy and always want to meet new partners etc. I appreciate that others are not the same and that she does not feel up to it. Respect that. It is about her and how she feels, it is is not a rejection of your boyfriend or your relationship.

autienotnaughty · 21/02/2023 21:45

It's early days. Maybe she wants to wait until you are more committed?

Toobusytowee · 21/02/2023 21:45

@Kilsy Can I ask how old you are? You are saying your mum hasn’t met any previous boyfriends and you think 5 months is a long time, then you say you might marry him. I wonder if you are quite young and all this is very exciting to you, but wouldn’t be to your mum.

5 months does not seem long to me, marriage seems to be a bit keen at this stage. I think the difference between your expectations and your mum’s might be explained by your different ages and perspectives on things. I also wonder if other posters here are closer to your mum’s age than yours, which would help explain the unexpected reaction you are getting.

TedMullins · 21/02/2023 21:47

5 months is new and very soon to be living with someone. If you think you’re going to marry him then there’s no rush is there? This doesn’t seem like a big deal to me. She isn’t feeling her best and can’t be arsed this time, nothing wrong with that

anxiouslemon · 21/02/2023 21:48

Op states they're both in their 30s

PrimarilyParented · 21/02/2023 21:49

If you’ve never introduced her to boyfriends before that actually explains it more. It’s probably a situation where your mom is feeling a lot of pressure to impress him if he’s the only one you’ve been willing to introduce (as that clearly shows how serious this is). I don’t agree with all the ‘it’s only 5 months’ brigade as when you’re in your 30s with no kids during 5 months you can easily get very serious with someone and most people meet local parents far sooner than this anyway.

ArcticSkewer · 21/02/2023 21:50

I really couldn't be bothered at all. They come, they go, who cares.
Five months isn't even worth getting excited over in your teens, never mind 30s. Yet you already practically live together and might get married? Do you often think this kind of thing??

verdantverdure · 21/02/2023 21:51

she panicked at the idea, said she wasn’t feeling 100% and doesn’t want to this time basically

Is your mum not allowed to have her own feelings? Can't you just respect her boundaries?

None of her stated feelings seem anything to be hurt about.

Why is this even a big deal? She'll meet him next time.

He's met plenty of your other friends and family you said.

And she's never met one if your boyfriends before.

Why must she meet this one now or ended you'll be hurt?

Perhaps ask yourself these questions.

Undermyumberellaellaella · 21/02/2023 21:54

Why are your feelings more important than hers though? She doesn't want to meet him this time. She doesn't have to.

whiteroseredrose · 21/02/2023 22:17

Five months is a really short time so I wouldn't be hearing wedding bells. You probably haven't seen his bad sides yet.

As for your mum, it's up to her. If I hadn't seen DD for a long time I'd prefer her to myself, but would meet a boyfriend if that's what she wanted. Does your mum know much about him or is this the first she's heard about him?

Eastereggsboxedupready · 21/02/2023 22:19

Sorry should have written more..my dm went through men like water and def didn't want me being more 'successful' in relationships.

Many years post split from dd's df I caught her out in a lie that genuinely changed my life..

Original poster
Kilsy · 21/02/2023 22:22

Re the wedding thing, yes 5 months is a ridiculously short time and we may break up… but my point is that it feels serious already and I wouldn’t be surprised if it does head that way. I think most posters here will recognise that you know when things feel more serious / different from casual relationships.

She has heard a lot about him and I do spend a lot of time with him. I’m in my 30s so it’s not my first rodeo.

OP posts:
Sindonym · 21/02/2023 22:24

Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:58

Wow! I basically live with him and he’s a big part of my life. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get married one day. It’s not that new, it’s five months. Some really harsh responses here.

Yeah I think it’s odd. We met our son’s girlfriend recently. She’s the first one he’s ever been keen for us to meet & building links between us is clearly important to him.

Is your dm always a bit uninterested? Just thinking if unusual she probably is still not feeling well. If usual disappointing for you but maybe just the way she is.

Prettybutdumb · 21/02/2023 22:30

Kilsy · 21/02/2023 20:58

Wow! I basically live with him and he’s a big part of my life. I wouldn’t be surprised if we get married one day. It’s not that new, it’s five months. Some really harsh responses here.

I met my MIL the day before our wedding day and twice again since. Bliss for both of us! He’s her son and visits and calls fairly frequently, but her and I don’t have to be pals.

Leave your mother alone, she hasn’t sign up to meet and entertain every guy you have a relationship with.

PaigeMatthews · 21/02/2023 22:37

Kilsy · 21/02/2023 21:26

Hes the first one I’ve ever introduced her too… some of these posts are really odd.

I actually think what is odd is the complete disrespect for your mother’s wishes here. She has recently had surgery, doesnt get to see you often and has said not this time, but next time. And it doesnt impact you at all. You on the other hand are stomping your feet demanding now. After a five month relationship. Ive had pasta in my cupboard longer.

sounds like you are used to getting your own way. I can understand pp thinking you must be young because it sounds so immature.

Daftmum47 · 21/02/2023 22:39

I hit the wrong vote button: I think
YA definitely NBA!

good luck with it all!

Aquamarine1029 · 21/02/2023 22:39

She said no, accept it and move on. Forcing an introduction will only end badly.

labamba007 · 21/02/2023 22:39

As others have said she's recently had surgery which can make you feel very vulnerable and impacts your mental health. Maybe she's been working up to visit you but meeting your partner is just a bit much.

But you know yourself whether her disinterest is typical or something new. If it's something new, I'd give her benefit of the doubt and some time.

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