Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

Oh they would do all that, and more, to disabled people. Take it from one who knows. I'm sure you'll have other disabled respondents who'll tell you the same, too.

I think there is an inherent selfishness in many people and they probably would reply that they have 'such a busy life.'

Oh the thread has been totally derailed ☺️ it's not a competition is it?

OP to answer your question I'm pregnant for the first time and have noticed similar inconsiderate/rude behaviour, unfortunately I don't think it's just you!

And pregnancy won't last for the rest of your life, either.

Was you heavily pregnant in the summer with your son. In winter everyone wears so many layers you never really notice if women are pregnant. Also 11 years ago people where more aware of their surroundings now everyone are on phones and have earphones in so are oblivious to others

Pregnancy isn't a disability but it can certainly feel disabling. I was amazed how terrible I felt in the first trimester and spent large amounts of time unable to get out of bed. I was also surprised by how unsympathetic some of the people around me were; their attitude was very much that pregnancy is a choice and that pregnant women shouldn't expect any special treatment. I never knew what to say because of course pregnancy is a choice, but as a poster above said, nobody choses to have HG, SPD etc. Furthermore, whilst no women should be discriminated against for not wishing to have children, we do need some women to make that choice to keep society going!

Spot on!

Maybe you've gotten a bit larger than last pregnancy, hence it's not so obvious you are pregnant? 11 yrs is a long time after all

OP - I completely hear what you're saying. I think your words have been twisted or willfully misunderstood by a lot of posters. Take care of yourself and I'm sorry you've faced such hostility here and selfishness out and about

Probably due to the threads on here:

• stranger smiled at my baby
• random person asked if i was pregnant
• person touched my baby
• don’t want anyone to visit for 6 weeks

etc

I remember my son was about 4 weeks old and an old lady in a coffee shop asked to hold him, I was hesitant but my mum encouraged me and afterwards she cried because she hadn’t held a baby in over 60 years and meant so much to her.

Previously pregnancy was viewed as something special to be protected because babies didn’t survive. Now it’s viewed differently.

Any excuse for a pile on. It demonstrates the ops point really.

I think that people who are thoughtful and considerate of others as a rule are that way all or most of the time. Is it possible that many of the people that you are encountering do not view pregnancy as either an illness or a disability? They see pregnant women in the workforce, taking part in sporting and competitive events , traveling and working out at gyms, etc. Many have come to view pregnancy as just another everyday life occurrence. In my city it has become common place to see pregnant women taking part in various annual marathons.

I think that as people in general have developed more of an understanding and awareness of the nature of illnesses in general, and as more physicians encourage pregnant women to be as active as possible there is less of an inclination to view pregnancy as an illness or disabling condition.

The physician who delivered my SIL's baby was herself 7 months pregnant at the time.

I think that people who are rude and inconsiderate tend to be that way to everyone and will be inclined to treat or view pregnant women with the same disregard and indifference that demonstrate to everyone else.

Yes people should be respectful.
But you don't know what's going on in people's lives. I was 15 weeks pregnant but didn't look it, was on antibiotics for a water infection and was dying for the loo. My fiance opened the door for me to go in to use the loo, and a woman with a pram nearly knocked me over as I rushed through. She must have presumed he was opening the door for her. She gave me the dirtiest look as if I had been really rude pushing through but actually she was the one nearly knocking over a pregnant lady with her pram. There are some times people need to rush.

I cannot believe how angry some on this thread seem to be. Or that people actually took an innocent poster to task just because she preferred not to say what country she's currently in! Strong Lady Hussey vibes there.

Fortunately I live somewhere where if you get on a bus and you're pregnant, about 3 people will leap up to offer you a seat. And if you're pregnant and don't want people to think you're just fat, well Baby on Board badges exist for a reason.

I actually was disabled by pregnancy. I had severe SPD and I was housebound so I have no idea what people are like as I had to avoid most things, people and crowds.

I do think there’s a general lack of empathy for pregnant women and it’s been on the rise since more women have had to work full time.

Some women are quite bitter they had to work hard during their pregnancies when they often at the time felt very ill with sickness or other issues. So they then pass this forward to other pregnant women “oh so what you’re only pregnant I had to struggle on full time until I was 39 weeks”. It actually comes from women.

I think pregnancy is massively dismissed. No you’re not disabled or ill but for some women it’s a horribly difficult time. I had severe mobility issues, severe sickness and migraines during my pregnancies. It was the worst I’ve ever felt in my whole life physically and mentally. When they were born I was back to my normal fit and healthy self and the relief was massive.

maybe respect was the wrong word…I apologise. Everyone should be respected equally, obviously. I just think they should be treated with a bit of extra kindness and care cos it’s bloody hard being pregnant and even harder being a new mum. Think that’s all OP is trying to say. Genuinely sorry you’re so rattled by this thread.

I notice that drivers let one another out less. People don’t thank those who hold the door open for them. Small but significant shifts in behaviour. My theory is that there’s a collective malaise brought about by the pandemic, cost of living crisis, Brexit, and climate doom.

@ChungusBoi

I would add the rise in indulgent parenting to that list. Narcissism has been steadily on the rise and now it’s like an explosion.

Many years ago I injured my knee and needed crutches to get about - I wasn't doing anything crazy, literally just stood up and my kneecap popped out of place.

It was eye-opening how many places weren't accessible, I remember one restaurant, booked by friends, steps into the building, seating up another flight of stairs, toilets were back down those stairs and up a different flight. And the amount of doors that were dropped on me, it's like you literally become invisible, never had it happen as often when I wasn't on crutches.

I was pregnant in 2012/13. I remember being on a train, obviously pregnant - and there was no mistaking it, as the bump was very prominent and the rest of me had lost a significant amount of weight due to sickness (dropped around 2 dress sizes). Had to grip on to a pole as I was feeling very unwell, clearly looked unwell, couldn't catch anyone's eye, they all avoided eye contact, and if anyone did glance in my direction they quickly looked away awkwardly. Next stop was about 5 minutes away - four or five people got off, including one of the men who had looked at me then ignored me. They wouldn't put themselves out by standing for 5 minutes.

And I did get asked why I was so miserable when I'd wanted this - I wanted a baby, not to spend every waking hour feeling extremely nauseous, for walking to make me dry heave, for water to cause instant vomiting, to be lucky if I kept down one meal a day, to be told by a GP to go away and try harder to drink. Oh and then to develop pre-eclampsia.

Point is, I suppose, there are lots of arseholes out there.

My over 80yo aunt spends her life being offended.
She will accuse people of patronising her or thinking she is incapable if anyone so much as holds a door open.
I reckon all the staff in her local Sainsbury's are terrified of offering to get her something from a high shelf or asking (like they do with everyone) whether she'd like some help with her packing.

I felt the same in my second pregnancy. And had a couple people saying, even now, that they didn't realise I was pregnant? I was absolutely huge and struggling to even walk, so that comment makes no sense.

I would put this down to the gradual degradation of the value of motherhood in our culture

After all, you can just buy a baby now - who needs a mother?

You are pregnant, not disabled, why on earth would you mention those 2 things together? I've been pregnant 3 times, I wasn't disabled for 9 months at a time, it was my choice to be pregnant, I didn't expect anything special. I was very lucky/unlucky in that I never really looked massively pregnant (I felt it believe me!!) so I wasn't offered seats on trains even at nearly 9 months pregnant. I actually gave my seat up on the train for an elderly person right before I went on mat leave, it wasn't comfortable but I couldn't let a very old person struggle, my condition was my choice and no one else was budging from their precious seat besides.

I will add I am kind to other women who are pregnant, I'd always help or give up my seat (you have to be careful these days though, some people are fat not pregnant 😬). I was in the airport last week and couldn't decide if a woman was pregnant or fat, thankfully there was a couple of seats left and she took 1 so I didn't have the dilemma of asking her.

I think it may be a case of people are busy and more pre-occupied. They probably don't notice you.

You are pregnant, not disabled, why on earth would you mention those 2 things together?

Maybe because the op has SPD as a result of her pregnancy. Which is painful and very disabling. 🤔