Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

People didn't even notice I was pregnant. They just thought I was fat 😂I certainly didn't get any special treatment

it is humiliating and I have begun avoiding going out in public without my husband.

This is the reality for disabled people for the rest of their lives, not just a few months of pregnancy.
I haven't been able to leave the house without my husband for 6 years.
There may be laws protecting disabled people but they are mostly ignored or we are an afterthought.

It seems to me that it is a bad part of feminism that has told women they are 'pregnant not disabled'

As a pregnant woman, your body changes and you need more support - it is just the truth and to deny that is not helpful for any woman. Certain things are physically more difficult at some stages of pregnancy, e.g. the pp talking about standing up on a train. This is not something to deny, it is just a fact.

Judging by the responses on this thread, it is no surprise that pregnant women are not treated with any kindness anymore - given the overwhelming amount of people here are saying there is no difference between a pregnant woman and any other woman.

Sorry state of affairs

Absolutely they would. Some can barely hide their disdain.

Sorry to hear that OP.
I still open doors for people and thank people that do for me.
Offer to help if someone with a pushchair is struggling.
Waited with a child in the loos when mum and other toddler were in cubicle. I was working on a stall around the corner so I felt she would see I was genuine though I did worry she might not. She was worried child would go out of toilets and wander off. So difficult when you have two close together. I can remember what it was like so I always try to help as does my friend but we are both older.

At church everyone is helpful to the young families and we have a lot come now because it is friendly. People open the door, hold baby, stop toddler running across car park, pass drinks and cake to them from counter after Mass as we have drinks and cake, biscuit etc. We even have board games for the older ones and a few toys/books for the little ones. Old and young mix and chat. Children learn to be patient.

There are still people who do.What happened to the Be Kind message and I thought/ hoped the messages during Covid Lockdown would continue to make people more thoughtful of others.Sorry you are experiencing the opposite.

Pregnant mums are special they are carrying precious cargo and as a mum you do feel protective of your unborn child so someone bumping into you can be worrying. Your balance is affected later on too.

However people with Disabilities get their fair share of unkind people too. I have seen it myself and don't understand it. My mum brought us up to treat everyone as we would like to be treated and I have always tried to do that but some wont have had a good mum like I was blessed with. Take care.

hamstersarse

Very well said!

It doesn't make you disabled!! I felt faint lots, struggled to walk, peed myself at times. I didn't consider myself disabled or comparing myself to someone who can't walk through disability or who is actually incontinent permanently. The 2 aren't comparable.

You didn't use the wrong word, Respect is just fine. It covers EVERYBODY and maybe that is the issue? Too many people think consideration is to be applied to a specific 'group' when actually, it should be across the board. There wouldn't' be so many angry people then and perhaps everybody would think a bit more about what other people need.

The OP has had a hammering for no reason that I can see. Giving more respect to pregnant women doesn't come with a side order of NOT giving respect to disabled or other vulnerable people and it's annoying to read it.

It doesn't make you disabled!! I felt faint lots, struggled to walk, peed myself at times. I didn't consider myself disabled or comparing myself to someone who can't walk through disability or who is actually incontinent permanently. The 2 aren't comparable

But you would be grateful for a seat on a train, or access to a toilet at short notice, or for people to take a little extra care not to knock into your bump? You might expect that society recognised you had some different needs and were respectful of your condition? That is all OP is observing.

I'm amazed this discussion even has to happen - any society not markedly looking after pregnant women is one that is on a bad path

Its certainly a temporary disability. Needing crutches, not being able to walk without severe pain, struggling to stand or get upstairs absolutely is a disability. No it's hopefully not long term. But for those months that it's happening, it is.

I'm amazed this discussion even has to happen - any society not markedly looking after pregnant women is one that is on a bad path

Yes.

Quite, there is a phrase 'permanent disability' for a reason - not all disabilities are equal and not all are permanent.

There's a strange disablist vibe to the vitriol that is apparent when comparing pregnancy to a disability - like it's an insult to be disabled.

As a disabled person, I personally found that people were much more accommodating when I was pregnant than they are when I’m not.

It seems a reasonable course of action to me but the OP apparently doesn't want to ask for what she needs because she doesn't like confrontation.

Oh come on with the winter coat rubbish!
I was heavily pregnant last January and couldn't zip my coat up over my massive bump which stuck out a mile from my open coat. I don't like in the UK and every time I was on public transport, somebody managed so see my bump under all these so called swathes and swathes of winter material, and off me a seat.

Surely as humans, its natural to look out for the more vulnerable, whoever that may be. I couldn't imagine looking at a pregnant woman on a bus and not at least asking her if she wants my seat. Or anyone older, someone with a disability, a frazzled looking mum of a young child, just anyone who looks like they could do with a seat. I just wasn't raised with this 'I'm alright, Jack' attitude.

As I said on the other thread, my first 2 pregnancies were easy peasy but in my 3rd I was practically immobile by the end. Its not a disability but it certainly can make you feel very incapacitated. People's kindness really can make a difference to how you get through your day. How has society got to this point?

As for the argument that pregnant women made that choice and need to suck it up...this 'choice' is actually creating the society of the future. All of the doctors, nurses, scientists, engineers, teachers, cleaners, plumbers, activists, therapsists, builders, town planners, refuse workers etc etc etc will be contributions to the world when you are old and need their services. These babies that pregnant women carry actually grow up to be the next generation. No, pregnant women aren't sacred but when did we just become so ungracious?

Yes, it can make you temporarily disabled. Disabilities are conditions that limit day-to-day activities. Why is that so difficult to understand? If someone broke their leg would you just not consider that a disability because it’s temporary?

If you can’t walk, you can’t walk. Whether it’s pregnancy related, a sporting accident or a symptom of a long term condition, all people still deserve consideration.

It's not a recent thing - when I was 8 months pregnant with DD2 13 years ago, I found myself at the bottom of a long flight of stairs at a tube station with a heavy stroller and a two year old in tow. One other person had gotten off the train at the same time, and I asked him if he'd mind giving me a hand up the stairs with the stroller. His response?

"Nah, might break a sweat."

Then ran up the stairs two at a time.

There was also the half a carriage of commuters who literally stepped over a passed out pregnant me a couple of years prior to that - although I'll be forever grateful to the older lady who helped me whilst swearing loudly and profusely at everyone else.

That said, someone did once offer their seat to me on the tube - and was very insistent about it. Sadly my youngest was 18mo at the time, but I hadn't lost the baby weight. It did at least motivate me to get my fat arse to the gym.

Well that's understandable. People are clearly so rude and dismissive about pregnancy that the chances of a polite request appearing confrontational are high. I wouldn't ask either. Imagine the response from some of the people on this thread.

We're taught not to infer pregnancy unless the woman tells us she's pregnant. It's rude otherwise. Did you ask for a seat/help?

You are over populating the planet.do u want a reward? Lets have kindness towarda everyone.

Yanbu op. I have a ten year gap between kids, and definitely noticed a difference in the second pregnancy..in terms of people offering a seat on the tube/bus and so on..

You clearly had pregnancies that didn't impact you much then. Some of us have been bed bound or hospitalised for pregnancy complications. It disabled me for weeks, some women are disabled for their whole pregnancy.

Also, you didn't have to ask the woman if she wanted your seat. You could have got up and made your seat available. Whether she was pregnant or just overweight, it wouldn't kill to take a risk and offer it up subtly just in case.

What I don't get about this thread is how many posters are competing over who has it harder; pregnant women or people with non-pregnancy related disabilities.

Why?! Sure everyone is pain, or uncomfortable, or with vulnerabilities should be looked after and care for by others? Of course people should hold doors for pregnant women, as they should disabled people, the elderly and actually, any other person!

There's enough manners to go around, how about, rather than fight on a random website about how much worse it is for disabled people, and how pregnant women dare not consider themselves disabled, you just promote better manners and consideration for ALL people who need it.

Maybe they don't notice you're pregnant or assume you're fat and are being polite by not mentioning it?

Why not practise what you preach?

And from me!