Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

@PaulRuddDoesntAge

OP is self absorbed enough to wish that she would be treated like the average disabled person. Well, she is! Actually much better because they are treated appallingly. She’s ignorant and clueless.

She better hope and pray her SPD clears up after she gives birth otherwise she’s going to get a real lesson in how disabled people are treated and she’s not going to like it one bit.

People used to equate being pregnant with being delicate, hence the special treatment. A powerful line of feminist thought overturned this narrative e.g. Germaine Greer argued very strongly in The Whole Woman that pregnant women are no more 'delicate' than anyone else. Also we see more images of pregnant women pursuing work and life as normal e.g. a heavily pregnant Rihanna working backstage at a Fenty show, a heavily pregnant Beyonce dancing onstage. So I think this school of thought has been taken onboard by society at large which is why pregnant women don't get the same public care and deference that they used to.

There is a chance, and hear me out, that they aren't paying you any attention and therefore can't tell your about to faint or have SPD or are even pregnant?

I find the whole, “I’m not helping you. You’re pregnant not ill.” really unnecessary and nasty. IF you can help her then you should. Shame on you if you refuse to just for the hell of it.

Some people are really vicious when it comes to pregnant women/women with babies/women with small children and I don’t know why. Hatred? Same with single mothers or young mothers. Men in particular have a really bad attitude.

@Grannypantsandtea have you relocated since your first pregnancy?

It’s a little different but I had my first child whilst living in the midlands. People would coo over my baby and make small talk when I took him out.

My second child was born down in the Cotswolds and I honestly got looked up and down when I took him out. I was 29 with two young kids but my babyface makes me look younger and I felt so judged. No one made small talk either.

I then moved back to the midlands when my second was 1 and people were friendly again! I noticed it loads in the supermarket as people would talk to them in the trolley.

According to the OP it's 'confrontational'

OP you need to become more assertive and ask to sit down. "Excuse me, I'm x months pregnant, do you mind if I sit down".

I was on a full train yesterday and would have given my seat to anyone who asked, but I'm not spending my time looking up and down the aisles, looking behind me etc to see if there's anyone in need.

My dc have February and march birthdays, so I was pregnant over winter. If I was wearing a big coat, it wasn't really obvious I was pregnant, particularly with ds1 as I had a small bump.

YANBU, but I think some people in general are just rude & obnoxious. Walk around with a ‘get out my way’ attitude. I suppose having kids or being pregnant slows you down in a way I personally didn’t before.

I really don’t understand the comments like ‘you chose to get pregnant, you’re not ill, you’re not disabled.’ She could be pregnant & Ill & disabled! But even if she’s not why be rude? Holding a door or not pushing past is basic manners towards any human being but yes I would be extra courteous to an obviously pregnant woman or one with a buggy/small kids/disability.

Someone's tired.

I was really bad in end of pregnancy didn't go on maternity till 33weeks. Was in so much pain. Not all are bed ridden or in hospital...

Pregnancy can be really hard, some women float through some have more difficulty. I’ve known women with crippling spd who could barely walk and some who felt a bit queasy for a couple of weeks then fine. I work on the assumption that showing extra consideration to pregnant women should be the norm, if they decline a seat etc fine.

YANBU. I am currently pregnant with my second and struggling to walk. I’m very slow and sometimes have to stop because the pain is so bad.

People seem to have no problem pushing into me, pushing past me, muttering under their breath etc.

@IsThereAnEchoInHere that’s not exactly true though is it. There are pregnancy conditions which can cause temporary or permanent disabilities and unfortunately I was one of those unlucky ones.

I definitely noticed that where I live in London that people are very rude to pregnant woman compared to my home country where the general public shows basic manners and empathy.

it is humiliating and I have begun avoiding going out in public without my husband.

This is just absolutely crazy!
Where do you need your husband for exactly.
Hold your hand at all times?
Shout people out of the way?
Makes no sense.

TBH the time I needed a seat the most was in the 1st few months when I didn't look remotely pregnant and was exhausted/ faint a lot but still working, and I did say ' Do you mind if I take your seat, I'm pregnant' on the tube quite a few times and every single time the person leapt to their feet and gave me their seat.
If someone now asked me on public transport for a seat I would happily give it to them. I always offer older people mine nayway, but the need for a seat isn't always obvs.

Even if we work with the premise that pregnancy is a choice, (it's a choice that guarantees the continuation of the human race), but for some small amount of time, a pregnant person can be debilitated. Isn't that the bottom line? If a human is struggling physically (or psychologically) isn't it the done thing to try and make their passage a little easier? Why is there conditions attached to it? I don't ask the woman in the wheelchair with the oxygen tank if she has smoked her entire life before I let her in the bloody lift first, or the guy with the broken leg if he broke it in a skiing accident before I give him a seat on the bus. Wise up.

Are you saying people see you are pregnant and purposely bang into you? If so, I really doubt that. I think people just don't notice. I find people keep themselves to themselves more these days. They are less aware of people around them. It has nothing to do with pregnancy.

People treat disabled people horrifically on a daily basis

From moving people in wheelchairs out of their way like they are a piece of furniture, to no letting them on buses because they don't want to fold a pram, to judging them for using a blue badge spot even though they have a blue badge because they don't look 'disabled enough'

There are countless ableist posts on MN from some posters, who even when it's pointed out to them won't acknowledge its ableist

Disabled people are expected to give up the things they fought hard for the moment someone else wants them (wheel chair spaces on buses, disabled toilets when loads of people suggest 'trans people could just used the disabled toilet' etc)

I think this is partly down to the narrative in the press. Disabled people are spoken about like a load of benefit dodgers who pretend they have a dodgy back but are actually making loads of cash on the side. The attitude of the government making it so hard for disabled people to claim benefits, turning down so many applications which are then accepted on appeal, leaving disabled people with no money so some of them are dying in the wait times.

It all builds to a picture that disabled people are not worthwhile members of society.

If you want people to treat pregnant women with more respect I suggest you start by campaigning and raising awareness for disabled people to be treated with more respect. Because if society has been conditioned to treat someone in a wheelchair like a piece of crap then it's pretty easy to turn that attitude onto anyone else with a visible medical condition like pregnancy.

Currently 35 weeks with horrendous Pgp. Had to go to the supermarket the other day and had someone literally push a trolley into me as they expected me to move out of the way, and quickly. I had to many people getting annoyed at me for walking slowly too. It was horrible and I won't be going anywhere else now until baby is here. I avoided it all last time as it was during covid.

Why do you feel the need to say this?

People can be vulnerable due to their conditions at various points in their lives. Some are vulnerable for their whole life long.

Having consideration for people more vulnerable than you are isn't a bad thing - and there doesn't need to be some sort of 'league table'. In fact, if people were more considerate generally then perhaps disabled people, ill people and pregnant women wouldn't feel their vulnerabilities so keenly?

Some years ago I went went via overland rail to a UK city for a Christmas market with my then obviously pregnant wife. We also had our eldest with us in a pushchair. We literally couldn’t get on the first service back home as people just pushed in front and it was impossible to board.

So we went and asked for help, waited an hour for the next train and had a member of staff waiting with us and a wheelchair user (who needed one of the ramps to board) as the train pulled in.

Ignorant bastards were literally climbing over the wheelchair user and us to get on, despite the staff member shouting / telling them to back off. She was struggling to get the ramp down because so many were ignoring her.

We finally managed to get on, but the wheelchair user struggled to get people to move from their designated area and not one person offered my wife a seat. The coach wasn’t filled with people with invisible disabilities - at least, they’d certainly looked very athletic five minutes before, when barging past the member of station staff.

We have a reputation abroad for being overly polite and prepared to queue in a way that (we think) other Europeans aren’t. It’s utter crap.

I agree with ConfusedNT's post entirely. It's not for other people to make assessment of whether the need is justified, only to acknowledge that it's there and make those allowances.

I have definitely found this (although I have a friend in a wheelchair and she has sometimes been treated abominably, so I wouldn't bet that people don't do this to people with disabilities).

A very nice woman made a fuss for me on the tube the other day though to make a man give up his seat (a seat which had, behind it, a picture essentially of me - ie a very clearly pregnant woman). People stare at their phones, sometimes they don't notice there's a pregnant woman, but I think often they do and just pretend not to).

I had a man randomly shout "f* you" in the street at me the other day. Genuinely no idea at all why - I moved out of his way and he did it anyway. No idea if it was because I was pregnant or not. People just seem angry at the moment. He was well-dressed, in his early 60s - not obviously on drugs or anything. Really horrible.

YANBU, IMO people should be considerate of those around them, not have their face attached to their phone screen and help others a bit as members of a civilised society. Tbh though I worked in central London when pregnant with my first child in 2007 and even though I was 7 months pregnant, didn't look fat as I wasn't and had a clear bump, I once had to stand for an hour's commute from the provinces so many commuters knew my face. In central London on the other hand I was near St James park stop on the underground, didn't need a seat but an Irish nurse shouted to the whole tube how people should be ashamed of themselves for not offering me a seat. This man with his head in a book quickly jumped up, apologising. It was a bit awkward as I was getting off in seconds and did try to tell her it was fine .

Given how many people think any pregnant woman is not diserving of the seat because it’s not an illness, not a disability, it’s a lifestyle choice, you’re not delicate etc etc i
personally would find it quite confrontational to ask merely because it could be one of these people.