Pregnant women are not respected the same anymore

[Grannypantsandtea]

Is it just me or are people more inconsiderate to pregnant women (and new mums) than they used to be?
I remember being pregnant with my eldest 11 years ago, people would hold open doors, offer me seats etc. A lovely man helped me carry my buggy down stairs when the lift was broken. Older people would stop to fuss over the new baby.
Im now pregnant again with a very obvious bump and I’ve not come across one kind person yet.
Ive had people push into me, rush to get ahead in queues, run to take a bench I was clearly trying to sit at while feeling faint, not a single door held open, a woman pushing past to get into a lift so I couldn’t (spd so struggle with stairs).
Maybe it’s just me being old fashioned, I certainly don’t expect special treatment, but to lack consideration for a woman struggling seems to be a recent thing, I’m sure they wouldn’t do it to disabled people.
I have always been thoughtful to pregnant women, holding doors open for buggies etc, I thought it was just a general part of respect in this country but it’s sad how the world has changed in a decade.
Has anyone else experienced this complete lack of care towards others or is it just me? I’m prepared to be told I’m precious, but it only takes a few seconds out of your life to stop and let a pregnant lady walk past for example.

I don't recognise the lack of regard you mention. It depends on your expectations of how you should be treated due to your pregnancy or have a small child in a buggy.

I expect people to get up and offer a seat on public transport. And opening a door is courteous to anybody.
I think it is fair to point out that people may have experienced poor manners from mums when out and about. I was once on a bus when a mum got on with her buggy which she proceeded to row with the driver over as there was a wheelchair user in situ. It was toe curling. And I remember being irritated seeing a mum with two strapping and mobile teenagers get out of a mum and baby car parking slot but also spied a very elderly and not very mobile couple walking slowly across the car park. Manners cost nothing but go a long way. But there is a difference between good manners and common courtesies and being overly attentive. To mention too some people might also be worried these days that being overly helpful might not be welcomed and they will get their head bitten off.

What I don't get about this thread is how many posters are competing over who has it harder; pregnant women or people with non-pregnancy related disabilities.

That's not what's happening. People are just pointing out that the OP is wrong for thinking that disabled people get treated any better.

Thanks again for the kind comments, it’s shocking to hear of some awful accounts some of you have had. I agree with many of the posters who say everyone should be equal and there shouldn’t be a competition over who has it worse. Everyone’s situation is different, comparing pregnancy vs disability is childish and brings nothing to the thread as that isn’t what it was about. I’m not sure what some of you hope to gain with your ridiculous comments, does it make you feel more superior or something? As it just makes you look discriminatory yourself.
I did have to laugh that I single handedley have over populated the planet with my second and last baby! I presume to the poster you are child free and never experienced pregnancy or disabilities, so your input is irrelevant here.
Im also fairly certain people can see my huge bump is not fat considering I don’t wear a coat and fit size 8-10 clothing, but nothing like women being bitchy hey!
I also do not use public transport so I’ve never been in a situation to need to ask for a seat.

No these lifts were only for the shops, different lifts for the car parks. If it was for the car parks I would understand, it seems like strange behaviour to take a lift if you are able bodied before some one in a wheelchair/physically impaired.

Asking if someone can offer you a seat because you're struggling is basic assertiveness. It's not about how people perceive that request.

I think people saying that pregnancy isn't a disability are missing the point a bit. No, pregnancy isn't a disability but generally speaking it's harder being pregnant than not pregnant. And people being completely inconsiderate to a pregnant woman are also likely to be inconsiderate to disabled people too. It just boils down to people being thoughtless, selfish, or disinterested in the needs/experiences of others.

I doubt someone who is considerate of the needs of a disabled person would be inconsiderate to a pregnant woman or vice versa. The two behaviours are likely to go hand in hand.

I'd say though that I had the opposite experience to OP. I was really touched how helpful people were towards me when I was pregnant. I didn't need the help in most cases, but it was really really nice to be offered. Especially as I had a bloody awful pregnancy.

@IsThereAnEchoInHere is probably the one pushing into you OP

That's the opposite of what the OP said though. She implied disabled people get treated better than pregnant women. People corrected her on that and that it isn't even a comparison that should be made.

Well it depends how much someone needing the seat, and likely in pain or unwell, is up for confrontation, particularly under those circumstances. Weighed against the probability of the seated person not moving anyway. And sometimes it's not worth the hassle considering the chances of encountering an arsehole seem to be pretty high, judging by the responses on this thread.

Very strange. There are notices by the lifts in my shopping centre asking for priority to be given at busy times to the disabled and families with young children and pushchairs. OTOH not everyone’s disability is visible but it might still mean they need to to use the lift rather than the escalator or stairs.

@Grannypantsandtea you are the person that compared pregnancy with disability. You literally bought it up in your first post.

You clearly don't know what SPD is like. It is absolutely disabling. I barely left the house after the first trimester.

It actually opened my eyes enormously to the difficulties disabled people face. I just couldn't believe how many places were suddenly inaccessible to me because of my very limited mobility. As a society we don't do anywhere near enough to be inclusive or accessible to everyone. It's truly crap.

Everyone’s situation is different, comparing pregnancy vs disability is childish and brings nothing to the thread as that isn’t what it was about.

Then maybe don't bring it up when you have no clue how we're treated. People have reacted to your own statement.

You’re talking nonsense. Some conditions in pregnancy are disabling.

I am currently 30 weeks, I can’t walk properly and have to keep stopping. Sometimes I can’t walk at all. I’m in pain all the time, and sitting down/resting doesn’t help much because I get winded.

Have you seen the birthrate in the UK?

If not, fyi it is 1.56 births per woman (2020)

This is not even at replacement levels - so don't worry about over-population

And if you are worried about China, it is 1.28 births per woman, so over the next decade their population will also have big issues.

The over-population narrative is vastly exaggerated and political

Everyone’s situation is different, comparing pregnancy vs disability is childish and brings nothing to the thread as that isn’t what it was about

It was literally your op that stated compared pregnancy to disability!

No, people have twisted what I said, there’s a difference. I explained my experience, I didn’t state it as fact. Where I live disabled people are treated with respect, as they should be, and I haven’t experienced or witnessed anyone being treated poorly for their disability. I am aware it does happen and I’m genuinely sorry to those who have been treated awfully, but doesn’t make a comparison. My post is about pregnant women but everyone seems to have launched on the witch hunt of disabilities. If people want to discuss unfairness of disabilities specifically, that’s another thread and has completely derailed the point of my post.

I agree that if someone is heavily pregnant than yes consideration is needed- it’s basic human kindness which should not limited to pregnancy.

I would say though that often I haven’t always noticed if someone is pregnant. I just don’t pay that much attention. I’ve come to the realisation now that my kids are older that when you are pregnant and in the baby/toddler stage it is so all consuming that you can’t understand how other people haven’t noticed and don’t care about you/your bump/your child as much as you do. I certainly don’t pay attention to those things anymore. No malice, just my mind is focussed elsewhere.

It’s no excuse for rudeness though, I do get that.

I agree. Just look at all of the disgusting, angry comments here.
I also had SPD, GD and pelvic floor issues with my last pregnancy and was sitting in a priority seat on the bus, when someone offered my seat to someone else.
Not offered help with heavy lifting, people refusing to move on the bus and just shouting 'it's full' until the driver had to intervene.
Sworn at by a cyclist while crossing the street with the pushchair.
It's definitely seen as acceptable to disrespect and deride pregnant women atm.

I'm not sure why anyone should respect pregnant women? As in we should admire their achievements?
Treat pregnant women with the same decency that you treat anyone else, absolutely, but I'm not sure what I'm meant to respect. Your choice of words does suggest an air of superiority.

If you were crossing a road incorrectly, pushchair or not you're going to be given a hard time.

I show common decency to anyone I think is struggling. This would absolutely include someone who is pregnant.

Some of the posts on here are so so sneery. I don't know why I am surprised though - even a lot of midwives and hospital staff i encountered during my pregnancies treated me like a numpty and with an air of contempt even, like i was wasting their time.

Funny how it's only pregnancy that is viewed like this. My BIL was treated with more decency after he sprained his ankle, willingly playing football may I add, than I ever was when I was pregnant.

There is certainly a horrible attitude towards women who are pregnant now OP - I am sorry you've not encountered much kindness this time around.

It's not a question of "the" seat, or targeting a specific person. That isn't an assertive approach.

It isn't "confrontational" to ask in general terms if anyone feels able to give up their seat if you are struggling.

Just wanted to say it was me who made that (in retrospect) horrible thread you referenced. I'd like to offer a sincere apology for any offence caused.

What I was trying to illustrate is what it feels like to have your struggles so cruelly talked about and diminished. I never once actually compared pregnancy to limb amputation and my heart goes out to people in that situation. The whole thread was extremely misunderstood and I promptly asked for it to be deleted as I was horrified by the thought I'd upset so many people unintentionally. It was stupid on my part. I genuinely felt like I was going to die due to hyperemesis and memories of it still keep me awake at night 6 months later. I was hoping the comparison to a different issue would shine a light on just how miserable and debilitating pregnancy can be while other people can be so flippant and cruel in a way that they just wouldn't be to an issue not caused by pregnancy. Again, heartfelt apologies for my lapse in judgement. I still 100% believe that pregnancy can cause temporary but severe disability, but I should never have compared it to something life long.

To OP, best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Everyone deserves courtesy, compassion and kindness, especially when feeling ill or vulnerable.

Whatever.