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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If another child says hello to your child...

103 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2023 09:23

Would they say hello back if they didn't know them?

DS is 7, av for his age, occasionally confused for a girl given his lovely hair.

He always says hello to any kids that walk past or on the bus, he's not always great at eye contact but it's clear he's talking to them. So many of them just look right through him and I then end up saying l, when he goes to try again to not, perhaps they're shy etc. But he always looks so sad. He'll also shout out and tell people he really likes their top or hat if it's a cool one. Again, mostly ignored or looked through.

AIBU to let him say hi and say I like your top etc? We've had the stranger conversation but he loves nothing more than a chatty person on the bus 🙄and I've not yet learnt a way to shit him up

Do you inwardly judge us if its your child he says hello to? Do you teach me your kids no talking to strangers inc's kids to their own age?

Tb clear, he Def looks 7, av height, slim, longish hair so there's no way he looks intimidating or threatening or aggressive.

OP posts:
mintich · 20/02/2023 09:27

The typo of "shit him up" made me laugh!
My daughter loves a good chat so would definitely speak back. She also says hello to people. If they don't speak back she just shrugs. She knows some kids may be too shy etc to speak back.

MrsRickAstley · 20/02/2023 09:28

My DD would talk back. She'll talk to everyone. All ages. Doesn't matter where we go.

mintich · 20/02/2023 09:29

Also my daughter is a professional actress so used to having to talk to anyone! Perhaps he'd like drama. He'd be around kids that are also confident with talking to others

Seeline · 20/02/2023 09:29

My kids wouldn't even say hi to kids they knew if they saw them out of context. Speak to them quite happily at school or clubs etc, but walking down the road - no. Very few spoke to them either to be fair.

7Worfs · 20/02/2023 09:30

If it’s in a playground/soft play etc my pre-schooler will engage happily. If it’s not a play setting I’m certain he’ll clam up and feel uneasy.

I always say “hi” or smile back to children, though wouldn’t be up for a big conversation. Two questions tops, then I’m bailing.

NerrSnerr · 20/02/2023 09:31

My daughter can be very anxious and this would stress her out. She wouldn't mean to be rude and I wouldn't judge the chatty child but my child wouldn't know what to say.

Stonebridge · 20/02/2023 09:32

I think my kid may or may not respond with a hi depending on the day/moment someone greeted him. But if he doesn't I'd put it down to him being shy or maybe confused as to why someone he doesn't know is saying hi. We haven't told him not to reply or anything.

Plumbear2 · 20/02/2023 09:32

One of my kids wouldn't say hi to someone they have never met when he was smaller. He was quiet and shy and that's ok, he is alot better as a teen. Other kids have their own issues going on and are not there to validate you child just because he looks sad.

Santasoorplooms · 20/02/2023 09:33

You’re fine to let him say hi and it’s equally fine if kids don’t feel comfortable chatting with him.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/02/2023 09:33

My would say hello back

What I do judge is (older) children who don’t say hello back when some one they know says it to them, eg a parent or other child from their school

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 20/02/2023 09:34

Saying hi to strangers fine, continuing to initiate a conversation when the other person doesn't engage isn't.

He has to learn to respect other people's boundaries.

WandaWonder · 20/02/2023 09:34

When my child was younger a lot of the time yes would return the hello but not always, not intentionally no just by the time it registers the person has moved on usually

Would say hello a lot of the but again not always

JanusTheFirst · 20/02/2023 09:35

DS1 would give a cheerful greeting in return. DS2 more shy and would probably glower.

MiniEggsz · 20/02/2023 09:36

I think my children would probably assume they were talking to someone else if they didn't know him! Though they might say hello back and be confused about where they know him from.
If it's at park, soft play etc, far more likely to reply and chat.

Mardyface · 20/02/2023 09:36

My kids wouldn't. I wouldn't make them. But I wouldn't judge anyone in this situation because some people like a chat and some don't! Each sort has to get used to the other. That means my kids occasionally have to chat to avoid being rude and your kid has to accept some people don't want to chat. It's all good.

PingPongPoo · 20/02/2023 09:37

@SleepingStandingUp if you bumped into us, we'd miss the bus 😂 my 7 year old will happily go on and on...unfortunately she has had a bad experience, where another child didn't like her trying to make conversation and called her a weirdo (she sees this child infrequently at gymnastics)...cue to a 20minute car journey with a crying passenger.

I think it's a lovely personality, and we need more people who like your DS Smile

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2023 09:38

Can your daughter's come catch our his pls??

And for shame my typo ,😂😂😂

Sometimes it doesn't bother him, h just moved onto the next person but sometimes I can tell he's confused why people don't walk back and I wonder if I'm doing something wrong

I'd say it's too frequent to be just shyness

OP posts:
AlwaysWorriedAboutEverything · 20/02/2023 09:39

My DC aged 6 wouldn't say hi back. I would out of politeness but generally we keep ourselves to ourselves (introverts). DC happily says hello to kids from school etc, but if it's out of context it might take a bit longer to realise it's a school friend. If a strange kid came to say hello DC would just look at me like "wtf". 😂

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2023 09:39

mintich · 20/02/2023 09:29

Also my daughter is a professional actress so used to having to talk to anyone! Perhaps he'd like drama. He'd be around kids that are also confident with talking to others

He's definitely dramatic 🤣🤣 we applied for the school drama club but didn't get in. The other ones locally are £££

OP posts:
RichardHeed · 20/02/2023 09:41

PingPongPoo · 20/02/2023 09:37

@SleepingStandingUp if you bumped into us, we'd miss the bus 😂 my 7 year old will happily go on and on...unfortunately she has had a bad experience, where another child didn't like her trying to make conversation and called her a weirdo (she sees this child infrequently at gymnastics)...cue to a 20minute car journey with a crying passenger.

I think it's a lovely personality, and we need more people who like your DS Smile

Personally I think we need more understanding of all personality types and not look down on those who are more introverted.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2023 09:41

7Worfs · 20/02/2023 09:30

If it’s in a playground/soft play etc my pre-schooler will engage happily. If it’s not a play setting I’m certain he’ll clam up and feel uneasy.

I always say “hi” or smile back to children, though wouldn’t be up for a big conversation. Two questions tops, then I’m bailing.

I do try to stay atuned to when he's pushing his luck. DS, headphones means he's listening to music not talking. DS let the lady read her phone in peace. DS the man looks like he's had a long day and needs some quiet. He's not great at reading it. Our best hits are old ladies who are generally very happy to have him rabbit on at them ☺️

OP posts:
ItWasntMyFault · 20/02/2023 09:42

When my children were that age, DD definitely wouldn't answer, but she probably wouldn't answer someone she did know either unless they were a very good friend as she was very shy at that age.
DS would have definitely answered as he talks to everyone and finds interaction with other people very easy.

JunkinDonuts · 20/02/2023 09:42

Mine were the chat to anyone type.
When my son was a toddler, he used to love it if an old lady was sat behind us, he just seemed to know that babbling on to her would have her pulling sweeties or biscuits out of her shopping bag 😂

JunkinDonuts · 20/02/2023 09:43

Sat behind us on the bus, I mean.
Would be a bit random if they say behind us in my front room.

londonloves · 20/02/2023 09:45

My son is 5 and he is like this, he would talk the hind legs off a donkey if I let him. I personally find it massively draining as I'm an introvert and if he's chatting to another kid then it forces me to engage with them or the parents, or if he's trying to chat to another adult then I have to get involved.
He gets sad sometimes when they don't respond or I have to tell him to leave them alone but that's life, he does need to learn that people are busy/not interested in his random babbling/shy etc.
sometimes I just feel embarrassed that whoever he's talking to will think he gets no attention from us, which isn't true! I think some kids just are very outgoing and others aren't. I wouldn't let him pester someone who obviously didn't want to chat though.
He does drama twice a week and I think if anything it's made him even more confident 😬😬😬