If another child says hello to your child...

[SleepingStandingUp]

Would they say hello back if they didn't know them?

DS is 7, av for his age, occasionally confused for a girl given his lovely hair.

He always says hello to any kids that walk past or on the bus, he's not always great at eye contact but it's clear he's talking to them. So many of them just look right through him and I then end up saying l, when he goes to try again to not, perhaps they're shy etc. But he always looks so sad. He'll also shout out and tell people he really likes their top or hat if it's a cool one. Again, mostly ignored or looked through.

AIBU to let him say hi and say I like your top etc? We've had the stranger conversation but he loves nothing more than a chatty person on the bus 🙄and I've not yet learnt a way to shit him up

Do you inwardly judge us if its your child he says hello to? Do you teach me your kids no talking to strangers inc's kids to their own age?

Tb clear, he Def looks 7, av height, slim, longish hair so there's no way he looks intimidating or threatening or aggressive.

Exactly what Richard said. My child is quiet but why is that a bad thing? He is succesfull in everything he does (teenager now) keeps out of trouble and is quietly confident eg dosent make a song and dance of things he does well he just gets on with it. He didn't have to be loud to make a difference.

Fair enough @Seeline @NerrSnerr ,

@Plumbear2 @Santasoorplooms I don't think they should just to be clear, more like is everyone judging me for being a bad mom. I'd tell DS to say hello but he can conversely be a bit oblivious and in his own world sometimes andi know he'd like to say hi. I wouldn't expect anyone else to tell their kids to do so.

Yes reasonable logic @7Worfs . Places we make friends Vs not.

Probably depends on the context, both my small kids (7 and 10) would be quiet with people they don't know- either adults or kids. They may or may not smile or say hello back. I can't imagine either of them engaging in a random conversation with someone they don't know. But both of them would and have joined with others to play in the playground/ softplay/ football pitch etc.

Yes something we're constantly working on. He's not always great at reading the signals but I only leave him chatting to someone if I read the situation as ok and even then I look for the moment when I need to extract him.

And did you speak to your child about respecting other people's boundaries? Why should the other child have continued to make conversation if they 'didn't like it'?

I don't think my 7yo would engage. He feels uncomfortable around strangers unless they're at soft play etc. My 5yo I think would chat back.

DD wasn't upset because he ignored her tho, or said sorry I don't want to talk to you. He called her a weirdo. That is never ok.

Absolutely. As a child I'd likely have been one not answering back tbh

Ok so seems like just a random mix of if my kid felt like it and we just seem to find all the no kids, rather than DS doing something other parents actively stop their kids from doing. Honestly our rate of funny looks, I was beginning to wonder

Oh god, I mean he sounds a delightful child but that would be my idea of hell, being talked at by a kid who’s mum had to tell him to leave me alone, awkward on all levels! Thankfully I don’t use public transport 😂

I agree with PP my preschooler would be chatty in a play setting but might be a bit 🫣 if it was just walking down the street, I’d say hi back but continue walking!

I would assume he must know my child and if my DC didn't respond I'd probably say a cheerful hello to cover up the silence!

My boy wouldn't as he has selective mutism. This situation would make him extremely uncomfortable and he would either have a freeze response or look away.

I wouldn't judge someone's child for trying to chat to him, some are outgoing some are just not, but I do wish for the same respect back for my son.

Sadly, when we have been out and about and someone's child has tried to speak to him or ask him to play, he will just blank them which is usually followed by parents openly commenting on how rude he is. It's really hurtful when they do that because it can set him back so much when he hears that.

I am not saying you would do this of course and I really don't mind other children trying to interact with him, it can be a good thing and go towards helping but not when the parent is quite vocally offended.

My DC would probably recognise your DC as a kindred spirit and chat back. He's very sociable, but he seems to have some sort of antenna for kids who are on his wavelength. We regularly take the bus and he'll speak to some children but not to others. He doesn't tend to bother with ones who would prefer not to be spoken to. He's quite good at finding the other kid in a crowded playground who's about his age and level of silliness.

It would make my 4 year old dd's day if your son spoke to her. She does similar to other children.

Definitely do not discourage him, I think it's a great quality to have

Just to add, I would say hello on his behalf 😊

DD would reply back and depending on her mood, may continue the conversation or may stop at a short hello (she is 6 so a bit younger than him). She would reply to thank any compliments too

DS is 5 and doesn't have the confidence to reply. Unlike DD, he doesn't tend to talk to people he doesn't know whether adults or children.

I try teach them to acknowledge if a stranger speaks to them but they don't have to continue to engage if they do not want to. A smile/ thank you for compliment is sufficient but they do not have to keep conversation going against their wishes.

DS definitely wouldn't say hello back if he didn't know the child. But then he's quite shy by nature.

I think he sounds lovely. I was just wondering about this today, as I notice children aren't friendly anymore, rarely make eye contact and if you smile at them, it's extremely rare for them to smile back. My 18m will often wave at people and it makes me so sad that often people (adults too, not just kids) don't wave back. I find it quite depressing!

Agree with this. He has the ability to absolutely make someone's day, what a joy he spunds like

@SleepingStandingUp

you're doing the right things! Not stifling his naturally friendly, chatty nature, but also teaching him that others might not respond for their own reasons & that it doesn't reflect on him. He sounds lovely.

My child wouldn’t say hi. They often wouldn’t even say hi to a school friend. I say hi on their behalf and try to encourage them to be friendly, but I don’t force it. They are usually happier saying hi in the park or soft play, but would feel uncomfortable on the street/bus/supermarket. I’m always super impressed by confident little people though. I think life can often be easier for
extroverts.

But children are friendly with people they know, not everybody feels confident waving or speaking to people they don't know, even toddlers. I'm sure I dont wave to every toddler to waves because I just don't notice them.

@Emptycrackedcup My son has selective mutism and if a stranger tries to engage with him, more so a peer it triggers a freeze response, he wouldn't make eye contact whatsoever.

It's who he is, we are working on it with him but we love him all the same but to hear that someone finds that depressing is quite hurtful.

Don't get me wrong, I would either so hello on his behalf or wave on his behalf to not have another child's feelings hurt.

DS1, when younger, would have said something like 'oh, hello' in a slightly surprised voice. DS2 would disappear under his hood!

My four year old would just stare at him, there's no way he'd respond. He's generally quite baffled by people who talk to him when he doesn't know them. Very chatty when he does though!

Honestly I hate being talked at by strangers myself. I'm very introverted, my son less so but still quiet. I just really don't want to engage with people I don't know, it's exhausting. A smile is enough. I know you think your child is being sweet and it's nice that he's confident, but please don't let him become one of those men who talk at you and expect you to respond.

Are you sock puppeting OP?

We don't know what the Child said or how they behaved when the child bombarded them with questions. I don't think it is ok to make people feel uncomfortable.