If another child says hello to your child...

[SleepingStandingUp]

Would they say hello back if they didn't know them?

DS is 7, av for his age, occasionally confused for a girl given his lovely hair.

He always says hello to any kids that walk past or on the bus, he's not always great at eye contact but it's clear he's talking to them. So many of them just look right through him and I then end up saying l, when he goes to try again to not, perhaps they're shy etc. But he always looks so sad. He'll also shout out and tell people he really likes their top or hat if it's a cool one. Again, mostly ignored or looked through.

AIBU to let him say hi and say I like your top etc? We've had the stranger conversation but he loves nothing more than a chatty person on the bus 🙄and I've not yet learnt a way to shit him up

Do you inwardly judge us if its your child he says hello to? Do you teach me your kids no talking to strangers inc's kids to their own age?

Tb clear, he Def looks 7, av height, slim, longish hair so there's no way he looks intimidating or threatening or aggressive.

My DS is almost six has autism but he's always saying Hello to everyone love him he's such a chatter box loves to interact with everyone and anyone.
My DD who's almost 4 depends what mood she is in she will sometimes say hello but can be shy or sometimes in her own world not paying much attention to others I have sometimes had to tell her to say hello back if someone says hi to her.

My DS would but he's always been super confident and finds it very easy to make new friends, join in things etc .. he's at Uni now and has a huge circle of friends and acquaintances... it's a useful skill to be able to chat and interact with new people.
But lots of adults find it hard to talk to strangers .... Or can barely say 'good morning' to someone they don't know. Some people are just a lot more reserved than others.

Exactly this. When my kid is trying to chat to another person (kid or adult) who visibly doesn't want to engage, I say to him "I think they don't want to chat right now" and lead/drag him away and/or try to distract him. I don't want him to think anyone owes him a conversation.

My kids would always say hello back to someone who greeted them no matter who they were. They might not necessarily strike up a conversation but they would always say hello back and acknowledge the person.

My kids probably wouldn’t say hi back. Most strangers don’t randomly say hello so if someone did, they would be surprised and spend the next few seconds trying to figure out if they know them or not

My 6 yo son absolutely would, and has been that way since he could talk. Rarely does he go out to a playground/soft play and not end up playing with a random child. My 3 yo daughter, definitely not, she would hide behind me. She's very bubbly once she gets to know someone, but can be painfully shy when she doesn't.

I concur, believe me. I am trying to teach him to read people and take a hint.

I could have written this about my kids - they always say hello to people, and like you say, so many others just look straight through them. Always seems a shame!

My eldest would quite happily say hello back, my middle daughter is ASD and it's taken us 6 years to get her to greet her friends so she'd be head down look the other way.

But to other parents its a shame others have no appreciation for the other child's feelings of anxiousness, or shyness. We all need to teach our children that everybody's the same and that's ok.

At 7 of of mine would have said something inappropriate back, another would have said nothing (selective mutism) and the other would have responded politely

Sorry that happens @Wheelz46 the irony of a parent being so rude as to say this. I tell ds they don't want to talk or are why etc if we're all stuck in the same place together so he doesn't pester.

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints no, using logic. The kid called her a weirdo for talking to him and she was upset. It doesn't take much to work into it. And I don't think there's many reasonable excuses for calling another child a weirdo, perhaps you can give me some examples of when you'd praise your kid for doing so? Even if the kid was persistent, I'd was DS to say "leave me alone now" not "you're a weirdo".

I need you kid to teach my kid those skills 🤣

It’s a tricky one. I’ve been trying to explain to DS that he should always respond politely when a grown up or child that we know says hello or good morning to him, but that he does not have to respond when it is a stranger (eg a quite threatening clearly drunk man saying hello as we walked past the other day). I’ve told him to see what I do and follow my lead.

It’s easier to make the distinction that way round than to try and explain what characteristics of the person might make it a good or bad idea for you to engage with them. Of course it’s always ok with kids but at the same time if he doesn’t know them and doesn’t want to speak to them then it’s ok for him not to have to.

My own child would absolutely never strike up a conversation with a random child while out and about in the street but probably would at the park or other setting with lots of kids together.

It's lovely your ds is confident and friendly. I would just explain that everyone has different characters and let him get on with it. My ds is very shy and doesn't even say hello back when he knows the person. I used to always overcompensate and speak on his behalf, say hello or explain he is shy, but I don't think it's very good for his confidence so I just try and encourage him to develop confidence and hope one day he will respond!

When that age, one of my DCs would chat back, the other wouldn't at all - even if they knew the other child. They were only comfortable with speaking to people they knew well & in the context they knew them in. Happy to chat in school but bump into them over the weekend & they'd struggle with it & wouldn't speak. They weren't being rude, they just sort of froze.

They are now late teens and are much better at speaking generally to anyone, but it's taken quite a while to get to this stage. Getting a part time job has massively helped them and increased their ability to be social, especially with people they dont know, or don't know well. I'm very proud of them as it doesn't come easily.

Other child also now late teens could talk to absolutely anyone one about anything and always has. Just really different personalities.

Both are NT.

I'm always the crazy lady on the bus waving back. DS adores toddlers and babies too so will often go over and speak to them (yes yes, we're working on that too!!) and ask if he can touch the baby (he means hold their hand, I'm working on that as well) or what their name is. Some parents are friendly and some not so much, I do wonder if they'd react differently if he was a girl.

@BooCrew I'm really conscious he's currently a sweet, fairly petite, pretty lad but he won't always be. That's why I'm constantly working on reading people, observing boundaries and understanding no means no, so if he asks one of his friends for a hug and they say no (he loves hugs, I'm sure strangers think he's neglected) he understands that it's no not do it anyway.

OP I wouldn't overthink it, I wouldn't apologise for having an overly chatty child in the same way as I no longer apologise for having one quieter child. What I'd work on with my son if I were you is similar to what we've chatted to my outgoing eldest about, it's lovely to say nice things to people and to greet other children but if they don't want to talk back that's okay there may be lots of reasons, shyness, tiredness, just not feeling like a chat. That's no reason why he can't say hello again next time he sees them, or to the next child he sees.

We worked on my daughter not chewing people's ear off and conversation being two way and she's very good at understanding that now, for example you can say "oh wow I like your top" and have a smile and thank you in return then you'd leave them to whatever they're doing, if they want to continue conversation they'll ask you/ say something further to you.

Having a sociable, outgoing child and another introverted child with ASD who needs so much encouragement I'd embrace his social skills and help him to hone them and understand others. As much as I hate comparing my daughters, life is just so much bloody easier for my confident, social child. Oh and his hair sounds lovely, my son has a lot of very curly, sandy hair and people call him a girl at times, we just politely correct them, lots of boys have longer hair.

My children would love if your son said hello to them. They often do the same and are always complimenting other children.

My older child, like me, is awful with faces to the extent that we basically have face blindness, so he would be confused as to whether he knew the other child or not. I also would, if a child said hello to me - I'd be thinking God, am I supposed to know you, am I supposed to know your mother, WHO ARE YOU??
My younger child is great with faces but an anxious type, so he would know he didn't know your child, but he would be bemused as to why someone he didn't know was saying hello to him.

Dc1 is autistic, so this is probably a factor!

@Wheelz46 I hope it was meant more as a general trend it's depressing, because we teach children so hard that strangers are dangers. Just look at "what age can I take my kids to the loo with me" threads (DS still comes in with me mostly)and the "a STRANGER tried to touch my child's hand" threads. I'd have absolutely melted into a pool on the floor if an adult I didn't know really well had spoken to be when I was little, I still remember the agony

My kids (7&4) would probably assume he was talking to someone else if they didn't know him.

I'd prompt the 4yo to say hi back, and he probably would, the 7yo might say 'hi' but look at me a bit wtf.

Yes @PumpkinDart he's really bad at reading cues of people being disinterested. Like dude, the guy has earphones on, stop asking him what he's listening to 😬. So I'm always explaining they're shy or tired or busy, that they can come and chat to me instead, that when he says can I touch your child it confuses people and he should ask if he can touch their hand, that he should ask questions back.

Ironically I worry about his ability to make friends and that he'll go through life having very surface relationships because he seems to struggle to build on those connections. His best friends don't necessarily reciprocate the title 🥺 and the ones who clearly love him and would have a hug every day he's ambivalent about.