To feel so resentful of having no evening

[Bedtooearly]

My DS (2) wakes at 5. I’m not necessarily looking for advice on this because believe me I have tried … and for a while myriad of reasons it is me who gets up with him, a couple of times a week I get to go back to bed for an hour or so but I’m always awake by then anyway.

I have to be asleep by nine which means in bed by 830, and it’s really shit. Even so I’m knackered all the time, there does seem a difference in going to bed at 10 and up at 630 and going to bed at 9 and up at 5, I once briefly had to do this because of trains and I was always knackered then as well. I regularly get a headache, have cracks in my lips that won’t heal, spots and grey, tired skin.

I know kids wake early but AIBU to be really fed up with it?

It’s frustrating, my DD was an early riser. It does get easier. Now it’s me always awake waiting for her to get up! She’s 11 now.

Do you have a partner, can they not share the load?

Yes, being sleep deprived is tough. Thankfully children tend to sleep better as they age. Once he is much older he will be able to read a clock and entertain himself until a certain civilised hour. Right now, you are the one suffering; I agree, it is exhausting.

No, it's crap so YANBU. But the headaches, cracked lips etc - are you getting enough water? Unless I have min 2.5 litres a day I'm like that, even if I do get enough sleep (rare!).

Have you tried a sleep trainer clock? We had a great travel one which showed a night scene at night and then a bright one past wake-up time. The kids quickly learnt that nothing happens until it is up time.

You are actually getting enough sleep though. Are you sure you are not suffering with something else - iron deficiency? Some other deficiency?

i have an 8 week old who wakes up at 2 and 5 and a 4 year old who is up from 6 so I am basically awake from 5. As long as i am in bed by 9, I can cope with this fine. Even with an hour long wake up (and I am a solid 8 hours a night girl).

our first was an early riser and it is shit but it does get better. Well I mean we get to 6.45 on a good day now but it’s better than 5!

Ok in the name of transparency - I’m an early riser and 5am really isn’t THAT early.

It is exhausting being “on duty” though.

5am is my quiet contemplation time - not having to smile as a 2 year old bangs Gordon and Thomas off each other.

He’ll become more self-sufficient and you’ll choose to have another.

The second will be a night owl. 😂

Motherhood is thankless.

You are definitely not being unreasonable! My toddler is just, mostly, out of that phase (except for today, clearly) and the difference between a 5am wake up and a 6 or 7am is absolutely huge! There is light at the end of the tunnel though - eventually they either sleep later or can amuse themselves for a bit on waking.

It’s hard I know, but it won’t be forever, just do whatever you need to do to get through it.

It won't last forever. That's what helped me through it. Knowing it won't last forever.

But don't do what I did and change jobs once you're getting some sleep so you have to be up at 5 am for your commute....

I know in theory I’m getting enough sleep. I just think maybe my body clock is more suited to a sort of 10-6 or 11-7 sort of routine. All I know is how I feel. Sometimes we get a really good day (ha) of 430 and sometimes night wakes (never last long but sometimes takes me a while to get back off.) And I think because life is quite full on anyway.

Yeah I hear you re Thomas and Gordon 😂 I know it’s not forever. It just makes the days so long and I’d love some more time in the evening.

I hear you. I AM an early bird but my 8mo baby waking every day at 5am is slowly breaking me. She goes to bed at 7ish or just after and I need to be in bed by 9 to feel like I’m not going slowly insane as she wakes up twice for milk (which is normal/fine) .

Even if it was 6.30am, I could at least get some exercise in but instead I’m sitting on a sodding playmat moving cups around. She won’t go back to sleep and whinges and cries until one of us gets up with her.

so yes, it is awful & you have my every sympathy.

That’s what we find as well @Porridgeislife , just cries until I get him up. Today was half four, so by the time half ten rolls around I’ve been up six hours and half dead!

My DD is the same, up around 5 and doesn't go to sleep until 8. She's 2.5. I go to bed between 9-10, occasionally earlier if I've had to get up in the night with her or we've had a 4am wake up. I wouldn't say I feel that tired though, maybe you are deficient in some vitamins? I occasionally take Spatone, an iron supplement, when I feel run down and I notice a real difference after a week.
It is rubbish though, I envy people whose kids sleep 12 hours at night.

Same here with my dd who is also 2. I just don’t function at 5. We’re say here watching Bing and i’m feeling guilty about that but too tired to do much else at the moment.

I don’t know what else you’re supposed to do at 5-6 am, I honestly don’t.

I used to sneak different toys and books into my DS's cot in the night for him to find in the morning which used to keep him quiet for a little bit after wake up. Any chance this might work?

We had years of broken nights and early starts, this is just part of raising a child. I expected to be tired all of the time, and maybe that is the difference. He is only two, so still very young. I don’t know if you have other children but this was our experience too. Do you take it in turns having a lie in at the weekend?

We still have 5am starts. Made worse by 3am menopause wake ups for me. We have felt pretty knackered since having dc 17 years ago. It will get easier once dc go to school.

It's the long day that gets me. Like you say by the time it's mid morning you've been up for hours and feel like it should be about 2pm. We're up before 6 but I don't mind if we've had a decent night.
We had a couple of okay nights with DS just being up for a feed then back down but now he has yet another cough that's had him up all night.
Since November I think we've had around 2 weeks of everyone being well, coughs,colds,strep throat,chickenpox, we're currently going through them all.

I think there’s different types of tired. For me, getting up so early is more tiring than late nights. It’s just different people.

I did expect to be tired when I had a child. I didn’t expect to be up this early every day. I thought I’d get early starts but around 6-7, not 4-5.

Of course, I’d have him again. But can I really not say on Mumsnet that it’s a bit shit?!

I remember it vividly. DM once told me I needed fresh air and I snapped back "No, I need some proper sodding sleep!".
It does get better, sooner than you imagine, and then it becomes a slightly traumatic memory.

Thanks - I like the thought of a traumatic memory! 😂

@Bedtooearly of course you can say how shit it is. It is shit!
Ignore unhelpful pp who seem to be implying you should just get on with it.
You are getting on with it but you’re allowed to have a moan too.
I am hoping the lighter mornings coming soon may help the 5am starts feel a little easier.

Mum of a wakeful 2 yr old DD over here, I feel your pain

as others have suggested, these phases don’t tend to last forever.

1. Take a supplement with iron as pp suggested. You’ll know if it makes a difference after just a few days. Spatone a great one, have a look online and get that ordered asap
2. consider speaking to a sleep consultant. One conversation might reveal a few things you can tweak to help you and DS be more on the same page, or at least working towards it!

my DD2 goes to bed at 0830pm at the moment which is so annoying, but sleeps until 0730/0800.
Her big sis (5) sleeps 7pm-7.30am though, so that’s what we’re aiming for after this current phase ends!

good luck x

We used to take it in turns to go downstairs stick the tv on and try and snooze on the sofa. I remember feeling that it was so early to be up even before cbeebies started. The offending child is now 8 and still wakes early but at least now he will stay in bed and look at his iPad or read and I go back to bed.

I'm not a mother so haven't been through it but you have my absolute sympathy. A previous poster may have hit the nail on the head when they said it's about you being "on duty".