To feel so resentful of having no evening

[Bedtooearly]

My DS (2) wakes at 5. I’m not necessarily looking for advice on this because believe me I have tried … and for a while myriad of reasons it is me who gets up with him, a couple of times a week I get to go back to bed for an hour or so but I’m always awake by then anyway.

I have to be asleep by nine which means in bed by 830, and it’s really shit. Even so I’m knackered all the time, there does seem a difference in going to bed at 10 and up at 630 and going to bed at 9 and up at 5, I once briefly had to do this because of trains and I was always knackered then as well. I regularly get a headache, have cracks in my lips that won’t heal, spots and grey, tired skin.

I know kids wake early but AIBU to be really fed up with it?

Yanbu x

My now 10 year old is still awake before 6 but now he will read or do homework(!) until our alarm goes off and then comes through (or 7 at the weekend when he can go downstairs). DS2, who slept until 8 from 3 was a revelation and we did nothing different. Turns out DS1 has ASD…so it’s doubtful anything would have worked.

Groclock…DS1 ignored it. DS2 scaled his wardrobe to turn it to ‘sun’ aged 2.5….I’m sure it works for some children.

I laughed at ‘shut the fuck up’ - sums up how a lot of us feel, I think!

We’ve tried early bedtimes, late bedtimes, he has a very good routine, loads and loads of fresh air (yesterday he was outside from 8 in the morning until 530 in the evening with only a break for nap!) and he just keeps waking early!

@Flowersintheattic57 thanks for the tip. I’ll get some supplements because my lips are very painful. They’ve been like this for months.

it can’t be that bad if you’re having another

Not quite, tbh. In some ways I have had mixed feelings about this pregnancy, which feels a horrible thing to admit, but I am a little overwhelmed and feeling like I’ve reset the clock of freedom back a bit. When colleagues or friends chat about watching box sets or films or hobbies, I just can’t, and I think that’s where the resentment comes from.

But … I’ve always had a long term view with regards to little children. DS is lovely, but like all toddlers he needs a lot of attention and no doubt his brother or sister will to and I AM TIRED!

But it won’t always be like this, I know this, and I wouldn’t want to not have children at all. I’m just quite looking forward to having a five year old and eight year old who understand a bit more and aren’t QUITE as full on!

If it helps, @Bedtooearly, I was very cautious about having a second because DD was such a sleep thief colicky nightmare, but like you I took the long view – and thus far DS is a textbook baby in that he’s actually read the baby books that day they should sleep all the time waking only for feeds and needs, and lo it is thus! He was a nightmare pregnancy but a dream baby so I’m no more tired having him around in addition to noisy, exhausting DD. In fact less so as I’ve got the hormonal burst of energy, plus the cosy human hot water bottle factor. So you might not get another early riser – they’re all different. Apologies in advance if your next one is worse, though…

My 5 year old has been a good sleeper for a couple of years, but last night he came and woke me up at midnight - it then took me 3 hours to fall back to sleep again, and he woke me up again just after I managed to drop off. It really reminded me of what it was like most nights for the first few years! I feel for you but it does get easier. Just don't have any more unless you want to prolong the torture haha

Oh whoops I just noticed you're having another 😅

Bad parent alert but when my son wakes up before 7am, I let him come into my bed and watch videos on my phone quietly. I'd say half the time he ends up falling back asleep in my bed too but even if he doesn't I get to go back to sleep. I can get away with saying its not 7am yet until 8.30am sometimes and I save that for when I'm particularly shattered. I know some people don't agree, and he never has my phone in the house apart from this but it makes me a happier mum for the rest of the day if I'm not up at 5/6am and it does him no harm 🤷‍♀️

@bussteward - DS sleep was dreadful until 18 months, when we did sleep train. Life is much better now as I do at least sleep at night - mostly - but the early mornings are an exchange.

I think the problem is he probably could drop the nap but he wakes too early to drop the nap. Someone (I forgot who sorry) said maybe the summer hours will help, I hope so!

DS never falls back to sleep in bed with me. It actually seems to wake him up even more. MN children all seem to go to sleep the second they are by their mothers sides 😂 not mine!

I remember those days. My toddler would get up at a similar time, and I remember clearly that the earliest toddler group started at 9am and I had 4/5 hours of entertaining before that, and why was everything starting so late in the day!?

I feel for you, but like you say, it's temporary. It will gradually get better until it gets to the other extreme. My now teenager got up at midday last week (half term).

My DS woke up at 5am from 18 months to 3 years old. It wasn’t until he was potty trained and dropped the afternoon nap that he woke up later. We tried everything, and I mean everything.

I ended up just embracing it. Put him down to bed at 6:30pm, had a bath, read a book, did a bit of yoga, sex, and was in bed by 8:30pm.

Now he’s 5 and wakes up at 7am. But I have a another baby who’s up at 5am so I’m back in my routine again 😂

Its just a season that will pass quickly.

Definitely you can say it's shit because absolutely it is. I have 5 year old and a 3 year old and both have always been early risers as in 5.30 to 6, every day sometimes even earlier when younger.
You do not need to be doing Instagram worthy activities at 6, just survive, watch tele and yes I've sat on a play mat like you with toys at an hour I didn't really want to.
I think it might be a bit easier when the clocks go forwards again at the end of March. Every October when the clocks go back we are up at 5am.
I'm holding out hope for a few more years time when both might sleep in a little.

I don't have children but full agree on the difference in times for sleep and body clock. I've had to do it for work in previous jobs and I'm definitely knackered getting up at 5 even if I have enough sleep. Hope it gets better soon

It is SO hard - I can totally sympathise, there is something about getting up that early (and then trying to entertain a toddler) that just makes it way more exhausting!

Our DS was like this. When he turned 2 he went through a horrific phase of waking for the day at 4.30am. I was pregnant with HG so DH had to do the mornings and it just about broke him!

When DS as around 2 and a half we bought one of those Gro Clocks and taught him to stay in bed until the light turns green. We started by setting the wake up time to his normal time of 4.30 and then moved it forwards by about 5 mins every day until eventually wake up time was 6am. We bribed him with chocolate buttons initially - he would get a chocolate button if he stayed in bed til the light turned green - and it worked wonders for us. I think any younger and he might not have understood but by 2 and a half he "got it". He was really excited about his special clock so I think that helped! You've maybe tried it already but just sharing in case this helps.

Hang on in there - it will pass!

My first was like this and it was bloody hard work. YANBU OP, it will pass but in the meantime it’s shit.

He sounds lovely - NOT! Why do women grow up when kids come along but men usually don't?! My DH was discarded by fw when his DD was only a few months old so now has little idea whats involved. Fortunately I cant have kids so none for us and his DD is now a young teenager. But given I had to tell him to get her into a routine for her recently started EOW (ex lived up north until recently so EOW only started when she relocated south last year) I think he would have been a helpless unthinking mum-does-it-all type partner too unless given specific orders.

Honestly OP I think you need a check up at the GP. I have 3 yo twins so 3 years of broken sleep and the elder one had only slept through for a while so more like 7 years of broken sleep with 18 reprieve. My bladder is also now attuned to middle of the night wees. And I'm exhausted. But you sound beyond that. I really think it's worth asking about routine blood tests to rule out plany deficiencies

Broken sleep is different though. It’s equally shit, but it is different.

There isn't a snowball's chance in hell that I'd be doing all these initial 5am wakeups while pregnant while I had a partner there too, even if I couldn't avoid being woken up by them. You'd probably feel better if you weren't either.

Do you have a tv in your room?ine crawled in with me and I stuck the tv on and managed to go back to sleep. And if 5am, an iPad?

That's shit and I sympathise. My 7yo has always got up around 5 and I hate it. I'm a night owl.

I baby proofed my bedroom, put a strong stair gate across it, brought quiet toy boxes in (wooden train set, soft toys, cars etc). Then when he woke up I'd hand him basic non messy food he wouldn't choke to death on (usually sandwiches made the night before), pop on a dvd and go back to sleep. Would that work for you?

I’m wary about iPad use. I mean … I have, in absolute wretched moments, but it really is for absolute utter last resort of sanity.

We do have a TV but I’ve never managed to go back to sleep, DS likes to grab parts of my face and show his knowledge (OZE, EYESH, HEEEEEEKS,AIR!) and also from time to time launches on top of me with a big ‘ahhhh!’ For a cuddle.

I’ll probably read this back when he’s fourteen and cry 😂

I wasn't doing a "me got it harder" dance, I'm saying from one exhausted mother to another (who often spends several hours on a floor holding a toddlers hand so they'll go back to sleep) you sound like you're on your knees! But you're getting mostly 8 hours a night, your body clock should be adjusting, your level of exhaustion doesn't sound proportional and your level of ill health with it sounds extreme.

That's why I'm saying I'd go to the doctor's and check all your levels are ok in case there's an underlying issue in addition

Gosh OP and you're pregnant too, I was so tired through all my pregnancy I couldn't imagine how hard it is with a bad sleeper (we only conceived once DS slept, coincidence not plan). But seriously all the more reason to talk to your midwife or GP and get checked out

I feel your pain. I had an early riser and it is definitely the always on duty bit that does you in the most.

On the very rare occasions that I woke up before them around the time they would normally be up, just being able to get up have coffee go to the loo all in peace, and gather my thoughts was luxury, and I felt so much better for the rest of the day.

This phase will pass, and yes it will be a traumatic memory. even now 18 years later if i accidentally happen across children's early mornings TV its brings back a whole host of awful feelings.

the job I do now I quite often have to get up at 2am for work, but it really does not effect me the way and early riser did, I am nowhere near as exhausted.