To feel so resentful of having no evening

[Bedtooearly]

My DS (2) wakes at 5. I’m not necessarily looking for advice on this because believe me I have tried … and for a while myriad of reasons it is me who gets up with him, a couple of times a week I get to go back to bed for an hour or so but I’m always awake by then anyway.

I have to be asleep by nine which means in bed by 830, and it’s really shit. Even so I’m knackered all the time, there does seem a difference in going to bed at 10 and up at 630 and going to bed at 9 and up at 5, I once briefly had to do this because of trains and I was always knackered then as well. I regularly get a headache, have cracks in my lips that won’t heal, spots and grey, tired skin.

I know kids wake early but AIBU to be really fed up with it?

@Bedtooearly of course you can say it’s shit. We did 6 rounds of IVF to have ours so she’s truly a wee miracle and I’m so grateful for her.

However, for me, her existence doesn’t make it any less shit sitting on a playmat like a zombie at 5am. It’s always people who have grown up children who tell you to suck it up, isn’t it?

I used to bring her into bed with me with her favourite big red truck, and she played with that next to me in the bed. I was so exhausted I could sleep through the wriggling and little noises. But she was 4. Probably not a good idea to leave a baby with hard toys… big soft toys?

I am an earlier rise so prefer to be asleep by 9pm and awake at 5am. My daughters a night owl like her dad so I’m able to get some rest as he will stay awake with her. When she goes through phases of waking at the same time as me it’s a killer. I hate being wanted from the moment I wake until the second I fall asleep. I feel suffocated by it

@Bedtooearly solidarity from another sleep deprived mum here op! I hate it

I sympathise hugely OP. I'm an early riser and still found the 5am starts my oldest treated us to hardgoing. It's the being on duty bit that's the difficult part. Getting a sleep trainer clock for him when he was 2 years old saved us. We crept the time round until we got to a compromise at 6am waking up instead. He's 7 now and still wakes up early but he rests quietly until time to get up. We also bought the children Yoto players from around 4 years old so they could quietly listen to a story and stay in bed a bit longer.

DS in bed with me will stay by my side for about 45 mins max … which sounds fine but at 5 means he’s running around before CBeebies is even on!

What is frustrating is that he won’t nap before around 1230 but then never wants to wake up and is absolutely horrible for a good hour after his nap. Really makes afternoons hard going.

I'm 100% never having another baby, I cannot out myself through this again.

@C4ou56 thats exactly how I feel. It’s the suffocation. You put it really well.

Am more tired now than when my 2 year old was a little baby. On the days am in work feel like I've done a days work before 8am, and the days we are off together can feel soooo long. Honestly 7am would be classed as a lie in, don't think am ever going to see a lie in again haha.
I think the struggle is having to be switched on from the second they are up, that's definitely hard.

I hear you sister. My 4 year old is mainly a good sleeper and is up at 630/7 (which we need in the week anyway for work/nursery) but my 2 year old is a PITA and wakes several times in the night then sometimes 0430/0500. I often go to bed at 830 and it’s shite - miss out on down time! I’m just hoping it is only a phase which is shit whilst you’re in it.

my other issue is my two currently share until our renos are done so the 2 year old often wakes the 4 year old. This is why I drink (though this then makes the sleep situation worse). Oh how I miss a lie in!

It would be amazing just to wake up and gradually come round … One day!

You have my sympathy op, it is exhausting. I had a toddler who wouldn't sleep, I thought we'd never sleep again. It was back in the days where you had to wait for cbeebies to kick in at 6 am and there was no iplayer or on demand. All I can offer is it will pass eventually.

My 4.5 year old always says 'is it wake up time?!' That's the first thing I hear every morning. In my head I'm just like 'NO GO AWAY'

My youngest (nearly 1) is a terrible sleeper so the night wakings are just the icing on the cake for me.

It will pass, as I keep telling myself ☕️

Are you having more dc? It’s especially back breaking when you are looking after more than one child or heavily pregnant

@Bedtooearly do you have a dh / dp? If so leave him in charge while you go and stay in a hotel alone for just one night. This is our plan once baby is night weaned and I personally can't wait!

Mine is just sleeping through the night after months of coughs and colds which is great except yep the night seems to end somewhere between 5-5.30. We are also heading to bed just after 8 most evenings.

A sleep consultant I spoke to said I needed to consistently resettle him in exactly the same way for any wakes before 6 so that he understands it's still night and will eventually just resettle himself until it's time to get up. But at 5.20 I just don't have the energy for what will just be a 40 min battle before we're up for the day anyway.

I agree there is a huge difference between 5 and 6am wake-up, even if you've gone to bed before 9!

On my second none-sleeping child. I get up, put baby tv/CBeebies on iPlayer (as I know 5am is too early even for CBeebies!), then I snooze on the sofa. it will pass, my 11 year old won’t get out of bed for school today!

Yeah … pregnant at the moment so thanks for that @Blessedwithsunshine 🤣🤣

@bakewellbride DH does get up with him but it’s me who does the initial wake up. I just don’t seem capable of sleeping through the slightest whimper. I don’t know a hotel would massively help - just hoping for easier days soon! DS slept until 620 the other day, it felt like the most luxurious lie in ever!

@Ruibies I’ve just never found that makes a difference - he wakes at 2 and I go in and shush him and goes back to sleep. Wakes at 445 and he’s standing up in the cot with a huge smile and holding his arms out. If I say it’s night time, go to sleep, lie down, all that happens is he cries until I get him up.

About ten years ago I was on the Early Wakers threads on here. 4.17am I remember vividly seeing the time as I stared at the clock in horror. DD woke for the day before 5am for 2 years, and didn't sleep though either.

It is monumentally shit, it isn't the same for everyone and no, you shouldn't feel grateful.

However, it does change and you will get through it and now DD tiptoes downstairs and sorts her own breakfast out while I sleep. Still an early riser though. Now I go through at 7am and find her on the sofa with the dog and a cup of tea, all is forgiven.

Mine did this from the age of 4 until he was 8. He woke between 4 and 5 every single day. It was bloody awful, you have my sympathy.

My kids are early risers too, and until I started a new job and have to be up that early too, I just trained them as soon as possible to get up, head to the living room and watch TV and get themselves breakfast (when very young, I'd leave something out for them like a chocolate croissant, until I could trust them to pour cereal themselves without getting it everywhere/make toast on their own)

I'm a single mum, so I have to work around everything that needs to be done, and what gets me through is lie-ins at the weekend (back when they were toddlers, their dad was still around, and one of us would take Saturday, one sunday - it wasn't perfect, I had to be stern and wear earplugs, but it helped, now it's 8:30am with them expected to sort themselves out unless there's an emergency).

Now I have a routine where we eat dinner, then sit down together on the settee between about 5:30 and 630 - youngest (ha, he's juniors at primary) on my lap and I lean back and have a little nap! Which means I can get 30 mins to myself once they're in bed (I can sleep anywhere, anytime)

I also have some 30 minute hypnosis tapes, so during the day, if I'm flagging and it's possible, I use one of those for a fixed-length nap that wakes me up gently rather than an alarm which feels like it leaves me more tired.

I also take all the supplements/multi-vit

It is shit. 5am is still the night in my books. It's a psychological thing for me rather than actually being sleep deprived. I know I'm getting enough sleep. But I still don't like it!

My 17 month old always slept 7-7 or 6:30. When that switched to 5/5:30 I really resented it. It actually felt worse than the early days of breastfeeding through the night bizarrely. And that's even with me and my husband sharing morning wake-ups.

He naps like the dead for 3 hours at lunchtime so I think we have to try waking him after an hour and a half or 2 hours to see a change in morning waking, but he's always so happy sleeping then and I like the peace and quiet! I'm trying to decide which matters to me more- a later wake up or those nice long naps in the middle of the day.

For now I embrace the mornings as best I can and have found some ways to help them pass more pleasantly.

5:30- wake up
Nappy change, brush teeth, and have a bit of time cuddling/reading books with a cup of milk. I'll light a fire.

6am- breakfast. I make this as drawn out an affair as possible. So various options at the kitchen table together- cereal, toast, eggs, fruit. Then he plays with some toys at the table while I tidy and wash up.

6:30/7- into the living room. He watches some cartoons and I have a doze on the couch under a blanket. He'll potter about playing with toys.

8am- husband gets up. He makes a cooked breakfast and our son gets to play with some water and pots and pans and things in the sink (he stands in one of those kitchen helper things) while he's doing that. Then they both sit at the table and my son will have some bits of his dad's breakfast. I have a shower.

9am- husband starts wfh and I head out with our son. We'll run any errands in town on our way to an activity. We're lucky that our town has different activities on for babies and toddlers every day of the week so there's always something to go to and they all start at 9:30/10.

Half of the week we switch and I stay in bed til 7/8 and my husband does all the other things. I find that gets me through fine and once or twice a week I'll head to bed at 9 and that tops me up.

I definitely embrace an hour/hour and a half of tv in the morning. It's the only time he watches anything and I refuse to feel guilty about it. Works for us.

Are you taking your pregnancy supplements? Cracked lips that won’t heal can point to deficiencies,, particularly zinc. Get a good multi vit that supports you in your pregnancy. It won’t make up for your lack of sleep but it should put some stuffing back in you.

I find it easier once the days get longer and the mornings are lighter...hours in the morning in darkness are just rotten!!