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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christening

123 replies

SarsonsVinegar · 19/02/2023 19:29

There's currently a thread on here asking for opinions on wedding vow renewals. This has made me think ...

I'd like to know people's opinions on having their baby christened.

My mum is a practising Christian and actually asked me not to have my son christened and to let him make his own decision when he's old enough.

Her reason for this is that she thinks too many people have their baby christened for the wrong reason, because the parents and the godparents do not go to church yet promise to bring the children up in a Christian way of life. However the parents and godparents only go to church for weddings and funerals.

Basically, they appear to just want a party!

Instead my mum took my son to church as a baby and the vicar prayed that he would have a happy and healthy life!

OP posts:
AFS1 · 19/02/2023 19:36

I went to a christening recently for a child whose parents have never been to church. It was patently an excuse for a party. I bought the baby a Bible. If you want to use a religious ceremony as an excuse to get presents, fine by me, but the presents I get will be religious ones!
(I’m atheist, by the way, so it’s just the hypocrisy that bothers me, not the misuse of religion).

Keyansier · 19/02/2023 19:40

This is not something I've ever thought about before but from reading it, your mum's reasoning sounds right and logical to me so in my opinion she is not BU.

Keyansier · 19/02/2023 19:42

I should add also, I am officially a Christian myself because I too got christened as a child, when I was a baby, but I do agree with the above poster's mother that it should be an individual's choice when they have the capability to make it consciously, IMO.

Whataretheodds · 19/02/2023 19:45

Are you a practising Christian?

If not there are plenty of alternatives - a blessing, a big 1st birthday party, a naming ceremony.

GoodChat · 19/02/2023 19:47

I agree with your mom. It should be individual choice generally, although I have no qualms about practising Christians getting their baby baptised as that's the way they'll be raised.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/02/2023 19:48

I don’t mind going to them but I’m not christened, didn’t marry in church, haven’t and wouldn’t christening my child. She’s learning about Christianity along with the other faiths and equally that a lot of people don’t believe in any of them.

I enjoy a party and an excuse to celebrate a new baby. I prefer a general head wetting and think they can be a bit daft but don’t really judge if I get to see friends and eat cake and sandwiches.

pawz · 19/02/2023 19:48

AFS1 · 19/02/2023 19:36

I went to a christening recently for a child whose parents have never been to church. It was patently an excuse for a party. I bought the baby a Bible. If you want to use a religious ceremony as an excuse to get presents, fine by me, but the presents I get will be religious ones!
(I’m atheist, by the way, so it’s just the hypocrisy that bothers me, not the misuse of religion).

I do this for all christenings I go to 😂

Bibles and prayer books galore!!

2tired2bewitty · 19/02/2023 19:50

DH is a vicar, he insists* that prospective baptism parents attend an alpha course so that they understand the promises they are signing up to. It’s astonishing the number of people that change their minds about needing a church do ( but really lovely how many do engage and go on to become members of our church).

*Exceptions are made where appropriate

Puffykins · 19/02/2023 19:53

I have quite strong faith, and both my DCs are Christened, and they've both had their first communions etc. (and our priest insisted that Godparents were not only Christened, but Confirmed.)

What I will say is that the children being Christened has proved helpful in terms of increasing the options when it comes to schools. Not that I think that's right, incidentally - and for primary school they went to a non-religious school. But for secondary, hands down the most suitable school for them is the local Catholic school. (We're not Catholic, but their regular attendance at the Anglican Church scored when it came to admissions criteria.)

Regular church attendance has been great for the DCs too - not that the OP asks - but DS has been properly trained as a chorister and gets paid for it (with extra for singing at weddings etc.) and they've both had a lot of practice at doing readings, which has been especially confidence-boosting for DD. Also there's a community which is really nice.

Transcriber · 19/02/2023 19:56

I think you'll find that a lot of parents will baptise/christen their children based solely on the chance of getting them into a school of their choice and has absolutely nothing to do with religion. But I guess the gifts and party are an added bonus too

drpet49 · 19/02/2023 19:56

I’ve only been invited and attended christenings where the parents were religious.

IrritableCowSyndrome · 19/02/2023 19:56

Puffykins · 19/02/2023 19:53

I have quite strong faith, and both my DCs are Christened, and they've both had their first communions etc. (and our priest insisted that Godparents were not only Christened, but Confirmed.)

What I will say is that the children being Christened has proved helpful in terms of increasing the options when it comes to schools. Not that I think that's right, incidentally - and for primary school they went to a non-religious school. But for secondary, hands down the most suitable school for them is the local Catholic school. (We're not Catholic, but their regular attendance at the Anglican Church scored when it came to admissions criteria.)

Regular church attendance has been great for the DCs too - not that the OP asks - but DS has been properly trained as a chorister and gets paid for it (with extra for singing at weddings etc.) and they've both had a lot of practice at doing readings, which has been especially confidence-boosting for DD. Also there's a community which is really nice.

And that's great if the children end up being involved in the church.

But I also think it's hypocritical to have your baby christened if you've no intention of bringing them up as Christians.

abcde124 · 19/02/2023 19:58

I get your Mum’s opinion.

Both my children are christened. They both attend the same Christian primary school and have assemblies everyday with a religious tone, one is specifically run every week by the vicar.

Whilst we don't attend church in the religious sense much (services weekly etc ) We are very much involved with the church.

Messy play, Christmas events, coffee mornings, funding events etc.

This is probably partly because we live in a small village with not much going on, and I'm from the village and know a lot of the older generation so go for the social aspect too.

There's also a little community room in the church that holds parties and events so brings people in.

Suppose what I'm saying is, I'm not overly religious at all, but feel a draw to the church and it's community.

Toddlerteaplease · 19/02/2023 20:01

I think your mum is quite right. We have many baptisms of families we never see again. Many of them doing it to get into Catholic schools. I disagree with the Kerri g then choose for them self eheh they are older argument. As they will have no foundation on which to build. But I disagree with people making promises that they don't mean.
A friend of mine baptised her niece, as she's more catholic than the pope. And knew her sister wouldn't have It. I thought that was really really out of order!

Sandysandwich · 19/02/2023 20:06

I like your mothers way of thinking, my parents were the same and let us have the choice.

My friend has been an atheist as long as she has been able to choose, her parents who are very strict catholics and disaprove of her being non religious, still like to bring up that she is catholic no matter what she chooses to believe because they got her christened. They say frequently that she is really a catholic deep down and no amount of deciding otherwise can change that.
She tends to just ignore them now but does dislike how smug they are about it, like she's been spiritually branded.

JodiePants · 19/02/2023 20:12

I agree with your mum. My friend had her forth child baptised so she could get into the local Catholic school with her siblings. They never go to church at any other time. I cringed throughout the whole mass as neither parent knew the responses, when to stand, kneel etc. It was not a public mass so was incredibly obvious to the priest they had no idea what they were doing as there were only about 15 of us in the church.

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 20:14

2tired2bewitty · 19/02/2023 19:50

DH is a vicar, he insists* that prospective baptism parents attend an alpha course so that they understand the promises they are signing up to. It’s astonishing the number of people that change their minds about needing a church do ( but really lovely how many do engage and go on to become members of our church).

*Exceptions are made where appropriate

I'm a Catholic, my parish priest never turns a baby away. He doesn't ask if people go to church, if they were baptised, all are welcome to join the flock.

As Jesus said (Matthew 19:14) Suffer the little children, and forbid them not to come to me: for the kingdom of heaven is for such.

Puffykins · 19/02/2023 20:25

I'm with you on this one @ancientgran .....

2tired2bewitty · 19/02/2023 20:27

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 20:14

I'm a Catholic, my parish priest never turns a baby away. He doesn't ask if people go to church, if they were baptised, all are welcome to join the flock.

As Jesus said (Matthew 19:14) Suffer the little children, and forbid them not to come to me: for the kingdom of heaven is for such.

Show quote history

No one is forbidden to come, but people are encouraged to understand the promises they are making because we believe that they are important.

Toddlerteaplease · 19/02/2023 20:39

@ancientgran my RC bishop friend also holds a similar view. He does for the sake of the baby.

VintageVest · 19/02/2023 20:41

Being Christened as a baby doesn't make you a Christian, so I think you can both Christen a child AND allow it to make its mind up later. I was Christened but am an atheist.

I think many people who dont practice still like to welcome a baby with a Christening as its traditional, and things like baby naming ceremonies are more expensive and less mainstream. There is also no escaping the fact that the child may need some religious credentials to go to school, so families oftem have to just do it as a hoop jumping excercise. If the vicar is happy with it, I don't see why anyone else should be concerned about it.

DelurkingAJ · 19/02/2023 20:43

We have had DSs christened. I am atheist and DH is a wavering Christian. I have always explained this and that I would never block the DSs if they wished to have faith. We make sure at least two of the godparents are practicing Christians. I’m very aware of the possible hypocrisy but at the same time comfortable with our muddle of an approach. (DPIL would be genuinely upset if the boys weren’t christened, which is also a serious consideration…faith trumping lack thereof in my book).

FlashDash · 19/02/2023 20:46

AFS1 · 19/02/2023 19:36

I went to a christening recently for a child whose parents have never been to church. It was patently an excuse for a party. I bought the baby a Bible. If you want to use a religious ceremony as an excuse to get presents, fine by me, but the presents I get will be religious ones!
(I’m atheist, by the way, so it’s just the hypocrisy that bothers me, not the misuse of religion).

Ha I did the same too. SIL has christened all her children and it feels contrived, so I gave the last baby a bible as a gift.

gogohmm · 19/02/2023 20:46

Firstly it's baptism not christening, sorry to be pedantic. Secondly I organise the baptisms and it's amazing how many families decide in early September each year that they really urgently need their child baptised (calling it christening) when the child is already3 years old. Obviously it's nothing to do with the deadline for applications to primary school being the end of October here Hmm

By all means have your child baptised but do it because you want it, not as an excuse for a party

Dazzledee · 19/02/2023 20:47

Exactly as someone above has posted, being christened doesn't make you a Christian... having faith in Jesus and following him makes you a Christian. I have a faith, the church I go to doesn't baptise babies or children. They view baptism as something you do to express your faith in Jesus and a baby can't make this decision! I think your mum is right... I'm bringing mine up going to church and if they so choose to when old enough then they can also be baptised!