Christening

[SarsonsVinegar]

There's currently a thread on here asking for opinions on wedding vow renewals. This has made me think ...

I'd like to know people's opinions on having their baby christened.

My mum is a practising Christian and actually asked me not to have my son christened and to let him make his own decision when he's old enough.

Her reason for this is that she thinks too many people have their baby christened for the wrong reason, because the parents and the godparents do not go to church yet promise to bring the children up in a Christian way of life. However the parents and godparents only go to church for weddings and funerals.

Basically, they appear to just want a party!

Instead my mum took my son to church as a baby and the vicar prayed that he would have a happy and healthy life!

I'm an atheist who was taken to church as a child, and it drives me potty going to christenings and seeing the bloody parents not even know the basics of how to behave in church.

I don't attend any more.

DH wasn't baptised until he was 18 and made the choice for himself - his parents were members of churches which didn't believe in child baptism. It's not unusual for Christians not to christen children - some will have a blessing instead. I think naming ceremonies are an important part of welcoming children into their community and christenings do that very well.

DD is being baptised in the near future, it was entirely her choice, and as she is old enough to make that decision we are happy to support her in her choice.

Both DH and I are baptised, but he is agnostic and so doesn't attend very often, whereas DD and I go pretty much every week. I am quietly Christian, I enjoy exploring my Christianity, but it is a very personal journey for me. DD's future Godparents are the people who would have supported her regardless, and all are thrilled to have been asked.

We will be inviting family and friends to her baptism, and will be having a small gathering afterwards, purely because we live at least an hour away from family so want the opportunity to catch up with them in person. DD has no idea that there will be a "party" (it's definitely not a party) and as far as gifts go, absolutely no expectations of them.

My partner was asked to be godfather to his nephew. I was surprised he agreed as he isn't religious at all. Neither are the parents really.

I just could not stand up in a church and lie about bringing the child up to believe in god etc. it seems to be taking the piss out if all those who do attend the church and do believe. I also don't say anything when they ask the congregation to say stuff (unless it's generic be good stuff)

I personally wouldn't baptise a baby if I didn't go to church regularly. You don't say what relationship you have with the church?

I was a lapsed Christian but have been attending church for the past year after moving area. My DS has come along and over time has made the decision to come more frequently and to be baptised this year. He enjoys going and I am pleased he is able to make the decision for himself and actively participate in the promises.

I'm agnostic - my parents christened me but we never went to church. I did go to Sunday School but that was probably free childcare/social!!

I didn't get married in church, nor did I christen my children. We did have a fab naming day party for them though!

I have been a godparent a number of times, but have always been honest with the parents. I don't worry about "lying in church" as I don't believe either way. I'm happy supporting the parents and the children.

Another one who agrees with OP's mum.

Our church does its fair share of Christenings and for a lot of them it's the first and last time I see the child.

We had one not so long ago where, immediately after the Christening bit was done, the entire party (about 50 odd people apparently) got up and left the church to go across the road to the pub.

I don't mind that particularly - why hang around for a service you're not interested in - but then why have the service at all? What does the thing you've just done with your child mean to you?

We had another Christening this morning. Apparently a fair number of the party chatted amongst themselves throughout the sermon. If the religious bit of Church doesn't appeal then fine, but don't choose a religious ceremony for your child? Just have a party in nice clothes. Noone will care.

I just don’t understand people having baptisms for their children when they are not believers. There is no societal expectation anymore. Why would you have a religious service when you don’t believe in it? Have a humanist naming ceremony or even just a party for the sake of it, if you want an occasion. We treated our DC 1st birthday party as such an occasion, to get family and friends together to celebrate their existence.

I have a lovely Irish catholic mother who hates the fact I am 'brainwashing' my kids by raising them with no religion. The irony of catholicsism being forced upon me and my siblings totally gone over her head. Let the kids decide when they are older.

What's the difference between baptism and christening then?

At my church, it is about 50/50 whether church family choose paedobaptism or wait for a believer's baptism.

For us, we had our first three baptised when they were little. We then run out of godparents 😆, so the next two took themselves to baptism in their early teens. All five took themselves to confirmation around 14/15 years old, the first three reaffirming the promises made on their behalf.

The Church of England invites believing parents to bring their child to baptism as and infant or small child, and you don't need to feel any pressure to justify this. The key is being a believing parent, so that you can make the promises in faith and truth. If you can't do that, then you can opt for a Thanksgiving instead.

@IrritableCowSyndrome

Baptism is the whole ceremony. Christening is just the bit where they are officially given their name.

They are the same thing. It even says this on the CofE website. Baptism is the churchy word; Christening is the more social word for the same thing.

Firstly, youre wrong and baptism and christening are the same thing. So maybe in clutch your pearls at parents calling it a christening when you seem to have a lack of basic understanding yourself.

If that's the case why have you pulled the OP up for having got it wrong?

I regard myself as Christian but I rarely go to church. I think you can still have Christian beliefs in your life even without regular church attendance.

We did have our children Christened because both DH and I were Christened and we wanted that for our children too.

I do see both viewpoints and understand them. However, if churches don't get used then they will fall further into decline. I think anyone who wants to use a church should be able to.

Our church does its fair share of Christenings and for a lot of them it's the first and last time I see the child.

We've had 3 baptisms at our church in the past year & DGS is the only child who has been to church before or after their baptism.

As he's a fairly regular part of the congregation his service was the highlight of the church calendar as it's such an unusual occurrence to have a baptism for a child with parents that actually attend church.

After the mess & noise he made during this mornings service he might not be allowed back though 😂

I am a fairly lapsed Catholic and DH had a C of E baptism as a baby but is agnostic now and certainly not Christian.

I've been taking 3 year old and baby DSs to Catholic church for a few months now and just applied to get them baptised. I'm sure the priest will suspect I'm doing it because of the church school but I'm really not - we're in the catchment area for an outstanding non-Catholic school anyway. I also want my children to have a choice about their religion but I think that's better accomplished by familiarising them with the religion I know best and letting them choose from that perspective, rather than not teaching them anything about religion and expecting them to choose from that perspective.

Plus the church we've been going to is lovely and friendly, with Sunday school for the 3yo (songs, stories, colouring in) and lots of other young families. In some ways it reminds me a friendly toddler group. In fact, seeing that community could possibly be making me reevaluate the "lapsed" bit of my Catholic status.

When the child is above 7 yo and hasn’t been baptised they just can’t go ahead and do it. They need to study about the christian values first (a year course to complete). Therefore, they make their own decision.

My husband wasn’t baptised (my MIL is atheist and absolutely hates Christians and Christian faith). I’m Christian and our DS1 was baptised. DS2 will be baptised in a few months and my husband asked to be baptised as well in the same occasion. So regardless of what you might choose to your child, they might end up doing something completely different from what you preached them.

I agree with your Mum and also with @2tired2bewitty 's dh.

I am stunned at the number of people who will stand up and make a public promise to bring their dc (or Godchildren) up in a Christian Faith when they have absolutely no intention to. I mean why would you do that ?

I am aware that sometimes circumstances change, people drift away, etc, but it is those that have no involvement with the Church and have no intention of being involved that confuse me. Why would you even want to ?

If you want a party - have a party. It doesn't have to involve lying to the clergy, lying to the congregation, and lying to your own family and friends....... you can just have a party.

Keep up with the thread🙄..... they all want to go to church schools

Catholic DH and in-laws so babies christened at 3 months old.

It's what you do.

@mnahmnah

Apologies, I think I pulled you up by mistake for a point someone else had made!

Other than being a gift grab and excuse for a party, I think they are also one of those things that people do just because they've 'always been done'
I was Christened because 50yrs ago, that's what parents did. Aside from attending events at church, weddings etc, I've never been to a service. Never attended a church.
Making promises that you have no intention of keeping knowing it's just for the gift/party/promise to make your bestie a 'Godparent' is pretty shit I think

I'm a Christian and in our tradition we don't christen babies as we believe baptism should be something a person decides for themselves. We also do a full dunking! For babies, we offer blessings or dedication services.