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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christening

123 replies

SarsonsVinegar · 19/02/2023 19:29

There's currently a thread on here asking for opinions on wedding vow renewals. This has made me think ...

I'd like to know people's opinions on having their baby christened.

My mum is a practising Christian and actually asked me not to have my son christened and to let him make his own decision when he's old enough.

Her reason for this is that she thinks too many people have their baby christened for the wrong reason, because the parents and the godparents do not go to church yet promise to bring the children up in a Christian way of life. However the parents and godparents only go to church for weddings and funerals.

Basically, they appear to just want a party!

Instead my mum took my son to church as a baby and the vicar prayed that he would have a happy and healthy life!

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 20/02/2023 14:13

Personal choice. Some people choose not to baptise their kids and have a dedication instead but if you want a christening, there is nothing wrong with having a christening. They can always be baptised when they are older if they decide to join a church.

Ponderingwindow · 20/02/2023 14:18

Even if parents are following a particular faith and are choosing to share that faith with their child, I believe actual religious ceremonies should involve the informed consent of all participants. A child can’t actually join a religion until they are free to choose or reject the religion of their parents.

I decline invitations to christenings for this reason.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 20/02/2023 14:24

Simonjt · 20/02/2023 12:31

I was once asked to be a friends childs god parent, they’re athiests and I’m not entirely sure they realised a Sikh really isn’t an appropriate god parent!

It does seem Christianity is one of the few were someones religion is chosen as a baby, others typically have a naminf ceremony with an optional dedication when they’re old enough to make a choice. Our two have both had a naam karan, unlike Christanity this doesn’t denote ‘membership’.

I think that religions which circumcise male children just after birth are making a fairly cogent ( and irreversible) statement about belonging to a particular religion, tbh.

they are not exactly few in adherents, either.

MrCadburysParrot · 20/02/2023 14:41

I don't go to christenings as I can't stand the hypocrisy; I'm an evangelical atheist, but live and let live and all; the last time I braved a church event (my feet were burning), I was cornered by a 'Christian' telling me how he hated the 'spongers in their boats coming over here'. Nail in the coffin for me. I'll hang out with my humanitarian and generous friends, cheers.

UsingChangeofName · 20/02/2023 15:08

And what's wrong with wanting to have a party and celebrate a new baby?! Absolutely nothing.

I don't think anyone is disagreeing with you.
In fact, quite the opposite. I think that is absolutely what most of the people who find it odd that people who have no intention of bringing their dc up in the Christian Faith have a Christening, are actually saying.

Have a non-religious naming ceremony. Or just have a party with no ceremony at all. Just don't stand in front of your family, friends and congregation and lie to them all.

UsingChangeofName · 20/02/2023 15:12

Mumoftwoinprimary · 20/02/2023 12:53

I help with Sunday school. I love baptism days! Loads and loads of kids turning up. It’s brilliant.

Sometimes they don’t come back. Which is a shame but they know we are here and that we would love to see them. But sometimes they do come back which is great. Or one of their guests comes back which is also great.

I am a big believer in open church. I don’t care why people are attending. Come because it is warm. Come because we have nice biscuits. Come because you have questions. Come because you are lonely. Come because you are sad. Come because you like singing. Come because it will help you get your kids into a school. Come because you need someone to pray for you. Come because you are scared. Come because you want to celebrate the birth of your child.

Just come!

I love this sentiment, and often try and express it on the threads where people say they don't have friends, or don't have a community around them. but don't manage to express it as well as this

Unless you are out and out atheist or want to go around the Church completely disrespecting what others believe, then join a Church. People who don't have a strong faith, and people who are searching for a faith, or people who are just open to considering there might be something are all welcome.

TonsilTwister · 20/02/2023 15:18

I am a big believer in open church. I don’t care why people are attending. Come because it is warm. Come because we have nice biscuits. Come because you have questions. Come because you are lonely. Come because you are sad. Come because you like singing. Come because it will help you get your kids into a school. Come because you need someone to pray for you. Come because you are scared. Come because you want to celebrate the birth of your child.

Absolutely! Welcome everybody!

SaltyGod · 20/02/2023 15:20

@Mumoftwoinprimary

To echo your post, as someone that attends church I would always absolutely welcome anyone who wanted to attend for whatever reason. Be it curiosity or school choices, or loneliness etc. Perhaps being in church brings them a moment of quiet to reflect, even if they don't believe, I'd rather they had this than didn't.

Our church sees many marriages due to our location, and I don't mind couples who just come for the banns and the weddings. Some come back for christenings, some occasionally come for Christmas and Easter, some we never see again. Either way, welcome to anyone and everyone.

If a child has been welcomed into the church they will always have that with them, and if they don't come back I still see it as a positive for them.

I can see the OPs point of course, if an adult's choice, but wouldn't dissuade any adult that wanted it for their child irrespective of reasoning.

MrCadburysParrot · 20/02/2023 15:21

cant agree - providing a 'solution' through belief in a story is wrong...this makes me angry

JenniferWooley · 20/02/2023 15:52

@UsingChangeofName

Have a non-religious naming ceremony. Or just have a party with no ceremony at all. Just don't stand in front of your family, friends and congregation and lie to them all.

We've had a few naming ceremonies in my family/friendship circle & a few christenings/baptisms - the christenings/baptisms were discussed by wider family/friends in a "how lovely, carrying on traditions" way whereas the naming ceremonies were discussed in a "this is just an excuse for a party & presents, what a faff for nothing" sort of way.

This may be why some parents go for a christening when they aren't particularly religious as it's deemed more acceptable due to being an established tradition than a naming ceremony which is still a relatively new concept.

Not saying I agree with this but anecdotally it's how many of the people I know feel about it.

FWIW my great nephews humanist naming ceremony was absolutely beautiful & I'm very much looking forward to my nieces new baby's ceremony once he/she makes their arrival in August.

KatieB55 · 20/02/2023 16:00

Mine were all baptised and I took them to Sunday School because it was something I loved when I was a child.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 20/02/2023 16:41

UsingChangeofName · 20/02/2023 15:12

I love this sentiment, and often try and express it on the threads where people say they don't have friends, or don't have a community around them. but don't manage to express it as well as this

Unless you are out and out atheist or want to go around the Church completely disrespecting what others believe, then join a Church. People who don't have a strong faith, and people who are searching for a faith, or people who are just open to considering there might be something are all welcome.

Show quote history

Funnily enough one of my grandmothers was an out and out atheist (the other was a vicar’s wife 😂) and she still
attended church with the encouragement of the vicar in her last years of life.

She lived next door so he popped round to encourage her to come. On explaining that she didn’t believe he suggested that she just come for coffee afterwards. After a while he discovered that she was musical so suggested she come to the service to enjoy the music. Which she did - “the vicar knows I’m faking it during the mumbo jumbo bits but he doesn’t mind”. And it gave her more friends (“the trouble with being in your nineties darling is that all your friends keep dying”) and was only 20 metres away so she could always get there.

The vicar used to pop round for coffee and cake sometimes - he would try to teach her about theology and she would try to teach him about Jane Austen. 😂

He was a fabulous vicar.

Xenia · 20/02/2023 17:48

(And for us it was nothing to do with schools. I was educated only in fee paying schools as were my children and the generation after that.)

Ashorthistoryfan · 20/02/2023 18:00

I'm in favour of infant baptism. RC, but quite relaxed about it. I know lots of people say the child can decide when they're older etc, but do they really grow up to do that? Are there any figures on what percentage actively choose a religion as adults, as opposed to just doing nothing at all? (Choosing to leave a religion is at least a more active choice.)

Ponderingwindow · 20/02/2023 18:58

@Mumoftwoinprimary

i love stories like that. I’m an atheist to the core, but that is a vicar that I can really respect. Making the outreach about community and friendship.

MyopicBunny · 21/02/2023 11:34

Why? They want their child baptised into the Christian faith. Surely they want that acknowledged by the attendees. Otherwise why are we all attending the Church of their choice to witness them swear before God that they will raise their child within the Christian faith? Surely a Holy book of the religion of their choice is the most thoughtful present one could possibly give in those circumstances?

Because your cynicism comes across as mean spirited and like you would deliberately buy a thoughtless gift because you think the baptism is to get gifts. In a later post, you do say that you'd gift a personalised Bible which is a bit different.

In any case, Christenings aren't supposed to be big gift giving events. You can just get a nice jar and put some holy water in from the baptism.

There is a traditional concern that babies who are not baptised won't go to heaven and I think that is why people do it - since it's an age old tradition for that reason.

LaMarschallin · 21/02/2023 11:42

In any case, Christenings aren't supposed to be big gift giving events. You can just get a nice jar and put some holy water in from the baptism.

Can you?
I mean, I don't know but I wouldn't have thought holy water would be given away randomly.
In the case of the sanctified wine for communion, the priest finishes any leftovers and I always presumed that it was because the wine had been intended for that one purpose.

MyopicBunny · 21/02/2023 12:40

Yes, you can ask the priest for some holy water. It's not the same as consecrated wine.

MyopicBunny · 21/02/2023 12:41

*and he can't throw the body / blood of Christ down the drain.

PhotoDad · 21/02/2023 12:50

Baptism and christening are two different parts of the same service, which gets called either/both. "Baptism" is a rite of ceremonial cleaning with water which pre-dates Christianity (hence John the Baptist). "Christening" comes from "chrism" (holy oil) and is where a sign is made with oil on someone's forehead. "Christ" means "anointed with holy oil" and is a title not a name. (I'm not normally this pedantic but it pains me slightly to see confident assertions which are wrong!)

Nocutenamesleft · 21/02/2023 12:53

SarsonsVinegar · 19/02/2023 19:29

There's currently a thread on here asking for opinions on wedding vow renewals. This has made me think ...

I'd like to know people's opinions on having their baby christened.

My mum is a practising Christian and actually asked me not to have my son christened and to let him make his own decision when he's old enough.

Her reason for this is that she thinks too many people have their baby christened for the wrong reason, because the parents and the godparents do not go to church yet promise to bring the children up in a Christian way of life. However the parents and godparents only go to church for weddings and funerals.

Basically, they appear to just want a party!

Instead my mum took my son to church as a baby and the vicar prayed that he would have a happy and healthy life!

Is she a baptist Christian?

They believe people shouldn't christen their children but that they choose as an adult.

Ashorthistoryfan · 21/02/2023 13:44

LaMarschallin · 21/02/2023 11:42

In any case, Christenings aren't supposed to be big gift giving events. You can just get a nice jar and put some holy water in from the baptism.

Can you?
I mean, I don't know but I wouldn't have thought holy water would be given away randomly.
In the case of the sanctified wine for communion, the priest finishes any leftovers and I always presumed that it was because the wine had been intended for that one purpose.

Having a little bottle of holy water at home is very common (I'm RC). I haven't seen it happen with the water from baptism though. Our local church has a table stocked with bottles of holy water that people can take as they wish.

It's absolutely not the same with consecrated wine, which is considered to be literally the blood of Christ. People can't wander off with that. That's why the priest drinks it as a pp said.

Parky04 · 21/02/2023 13:46

SarsonsVinegar · 19/02/2023 19:29

There's currently a thread on here asking for opinions on wedding vow renewals. This has made me think ...

I'd like to know people's opinions on having their baby christened.

My mum is a practising Christian and actually asked me not to have my son christened and to let him make his own decision when he's old enough.

Her reason for this is that she thinks too many people have their baby christened for the wrong reason, because the parents and the godparents do not go to church yet promise to bring the children up in a Christian way of life. However the parents and godparents only go to church for weddings and funerals.

Basically, they appear to just want a party!

Instead my mum took my son to church as a baby and the vicar prayed that he would have a happy and healthy life!

I'm with your DM. Neither of our DC have been christened. They are now 23 and 21 and neither have shown any interest.

LaMarschallin · 21/02/2023 14:35

Thanks to those who've put me straight!
Embarrassing as I'm a regular church goer (Anglican) and was at a Christening at the weekend Blush
All I can say in my defence is that I've never seen a "holy takeaway" happen and never thought to request oneSmile
I do see the point that the wine is transubstantiated rather than just blessed and so is treated differently.

In that case, I wish I'd known before the weekend, I've got a lovely little crystal bottle that would have been perfect!

ancientgran · 21/02/2023 14:46

mumoffourminimes · 20/02/2023 10:25

Different Christian traditions have different approaches to baptism - so adult/believer's baptism vs baby baptism.

I grew up in a church practicing believers baptism, DH in a church which did infant baptism (RC). I was quite(very) judgmental about people and churches that went into infant baptism until I went to a load of them with DH and attended a new church that also did it.

I realised it was not my place to say what was right and wrong. My DC are baptised, I recognise that they need to decide for themselves what they believe when they are older but we've made a choice to baptise so they know that we care enough to express a preference! The number of judgy christians on this thread is predictable but disappointing I think.

And what's wrong with wanting to have a party and celebrate a new baby?! Absolutely nothing.

Show quote history

Absolutely and the people who think they have got something over on people by buying a bible. Imagine using something that has religious significance to many people as some sort of gotcha.