About not moving on the train?

[TrainSitu]

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad.

I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though”

At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill!

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

Bravo OP! Anyway I thought children were supposed to offer adults their seat?

They were all over 10?? Why the hell would you move for them injured or not?? I could understand her asking if they were pre-school age and she couldn't fit them on her knee with the table in the way, older kids it'd be a "I am sat here and you haven't reserved the seats, sorry."

You’re totally right. She should have made a reservation if she wanted to guarantee seats. Kids can sit on the floor!

In my day and in my DS's day we stood for adults to sit! And even as adults we stand to let older people, pregnant women, women with babies sit!

At that age they are capable of standing or she could stand and let them sit!

I'd have told her to get stuffed. You don't a shoulder injury to not give up your seat for some kids. You got there first, if they can't find seats, tough.

I agree with overwhelming majority - you were there first
I can see from a parent POV about her wanting to be able to see all her kids and it is mildly annoying for 1 person to claim the table seat, but it isn't like there's a rule against it and you were there first

Do you also think it’s annoying that somebody else joined that table before the CF mum and her brood got on?

it wasn’t just the OP at the table but for some reason she was the only one asked to move

Oh I had misinterpreted that as other person was across the aisle! It's not cheeky to sit in an empty seat as the first person did, it is cheeky to ask 1 of 2 strangers sat there first to give up their seats! Especially as she was injured and needs the seat more. Really odd to only ask one of them to move actually surely she'd want all the seats ideally

Many years ago I had to travel to attend my grandfathers funeral in Ireland. At the time I was working offshore in Angola. Irish funerals tend to take place very quickly after someone has passed away so it was a race against the clock to get back in time. I had to get a helicopter from the rig to Lunada, pick up some gear from my accommodation, very slow drive to the airport as Luanda traffic is famously gridlocked, flight to Lisbon, Lisbon to London and then London to Shannon, in all about 22 hours of travel. On the last leg I was shattered, I had a window seat and was out like a light the moment I sat down. I was then woken up by a woman actually poking me "can you move to that seat over there so my husband can sit here". I might have accommodated her request if I was asked politely rather then physically poked and instructed to move. "Sorry no, I have had a very long day". "But I would really like my husband to be sat next to me....please can you move?". I think it was one of the very few times I have just casually told someone to 'fuck off'

@Grumpybutfunny

you are being ridiculous

This! 👆 @Grumpybutfunny

don’t know how you could argue with that.

She was a cheeky git! She shouldn't have asked u to move and u shldnt have had to explain. The fact she still badgered u after that well she's nuts. Also as a few others have said she cld have sat her kids down and stuff instead. Or squeezed in. I could easily fit myself and 2 kids on 2 seats. Maybe not if they were older than 19 but still!

I agree. As a kid I was made to stand for older people, and generally be very polite and courteous to them. Now I’m an older person myself, kids barge in front of me and grab seats!

You did the right thing. Maybe you should get a sunflower lanyard to wear when travelling? Just an idea.

Im an adult with kids but also a long standing back issue meaning I can’t stand for more than about 20 minutes without being in agony. I dread busy trains as sometimes people look at me thinking I should give up my seat for either the elderly or the children!!

The lady should have booked her seats for herself and 3 children. When travelled recently we weren’t able to book but that’s just bad luck sometimes.

I’d have my kids sharing or taking turns to be honest. Mine are both older. One autistic but doesn’t look it. She gets stressed easily but would be more than capable of swapping with her sibling now and shin or finding a spot on the floor.

When did kids outrank adults in the seat situations these days? I was brought up as a child to always give up a seat to an adult - and not necessarily an elderly or disabled looking one. On a short journey I’d expect my kids to give up their seat. But on a long journey of several hours we would keep our seats should we have found them. But I wouldn’t be expecting an adult to give up their seat for my child. On a shorter journey I’d prompt my kid to let an adult sit down.

This. I was made to get up so an adult could sit down numerous times as a child. Cheeky cow.

YANBU. Like PPs, I was always made to sit on my mum's knee/stand on public transport when an adult needed a seat.

DH and I were on a local bus while abroad in 2019. I have mobility issues and a chronic pain condition so I was struggling to stand, and was relieved when someone vacated a seat next to me. To explain the logistics of the next part, the seats at the rear of the bus were on a platform. Just before that was a (vacant) wheelchair space, so the first two raised seats had nothing in front of them, just a horizontal rail at chest height.

I had my foot on the step when a woman said, "quick, go and get that seat!" to a child of about 7 or 8. The kid slipped under the railing at breakneck speed and practically shoved me over as I went to sit down. Her mum (who had a seat btw!) just stared at me, too

I am having to use a walking stick at the moment whilst I wait for a new treatment.
It is obvious I am disabled. I got on a train last week for work and no one asked if I wanted a seat. It was full of healthy kids. My parents would have whooped my arse. I eventually found a seat hogger with a bag next to her. Prior to that the train manager advised me to ask able bodied people to vacate the disabled spaces and I would have done with no qualms. Bloody people.

under 5's go free still dont they-so why shold they get their own seat-and dont say because they could fall over

we all coped as kids

Wow she was entitled. I was always taught as a child to give my seat up. Why couldn’t all three share the two seats if she was that worried

I've travelled on public transport as a single mum with 2 kids since they were 4 and 6, they're now teens. I've never once asked someone to move for them. I've had one or both on my lap, I've stood so they can sit, and I've stood so I can keep an eye on them both when they had to sit separately. And I've stood with them when there was nowhere to sit and made sure they could hold on to me if need be. It wouldn't occur to me to ask someone to move for them, very odd.

Whilst I think a child over 10 is perfectly capable of standing, I find this sort of response disgusting. It suggests children have no rights or agency of their own. They might be her children but they are also individuals in their own right.

You were right to look after yourself! There's no point in risking damaging your shoulder and you were sat there first, after all.

Totally agree with you.

I’ve taught my children to stand if someone needs a seat! In face whilst out with my 23 year old son, the other day, he asked a lady in Specsavers if she’d like to sit (clearly not prompted by me of course, as he’s an adult). I would have prompted my 12 year old son to do the same.

I don’t understand why you should stand and she should sit. Why can’t she stand? Why does having 3 children give her the auto right to sit down - at all in anyone’s seat?