About not moving on the train?

[TrainSitu]

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad.

I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though”

At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill!

So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one!

NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

As for rearranging medical appointments, it's laughable to say you can just change them. Maybe if you go privately (which no doubt is a little detail you didn't give). If it's an NHS hospital appointment, you will be waiting another six months. At least.

I have 3 under 3 and wouldn't dream of getting on a train with them all without reserving at least 2 seats, if she chose to travel with 3 kids and no reserved seats then that's her problem! You were absolutely within your rights to stay in the seat as you were there first!

Oh I can almost hear her say it.. "I have free kids dough. I got free kids. Gimme yor seat I got free kids."

It's not a matter of demanding a seat, you were talking about a scenario where there is one seat available and who you would offer it to. You would rather a pregnant woman stand in agony than expect a parent to take their own steps to ensure the safety of their small child? It's not as if trains are that dangerous for small children - as has been pointed out, sudden stops are rare. For all you know, an elderly person may if anything be more unsteady on their feet than a child - doesn't their safety count?

As for "never had any problems rearranging appointments" - don't be silly. I've just had a medical appointment cancelled by our local large hospital, the first replacement they could offer me was in June. There is no way I would take all the trouble to go to the station to get the train for a similar appointment, buy a ticket, and then just decide I'd bin the appointment because the train looked a bit full and a child needed to get on.

Don't know who taught you to drive, my instructor taught me that you drive using your gears and should only need to break suddenly if someone runs out in front if you leave a proper gap between you and the car in front.

My instructor taught me that I might need to brake suddenly if, for example, a bike suddenly cuts in front of me or someone shoots out of a side turning without looking. It doesn't happen often, but it's much more of a risk than a train suddenly stopping. And if a train does have to do an emergency stop, the chances are that you will go flying even if you're sitting down.

I thought this was going to be about not moving down a busy train because if you go any further there is nothing to hold onto (and you are pretty much in the middle of the carriage anyway).

How easy do you find it to change medical appointments at the last minute just because you couldn't get on the train to get yourself there because you deemed it more important for a child to do so? And how well does it go down with your local doctor or hospital that you have wasted an appointment that someone else could have used?

Honestly, how wobbly are these 3 year olds? My cousin has a similar situation, she'd just get the older child to hold on tight and maybe lean against her.

This is Mumsnet. They’re like fucking weebles. 😂

So the elderly you know are representative of the elderly everywhere? I know people of 70 who are holding down responsible full time jobs. You can be a judge till you're 75, after all. There are plenty of jobs (for example in large cities) where driving isn't a practical option. Whatever age you are, if you can't stand on a long train journey you can't just cancel that important meeting or court hearing because you need to wait for a train with enough seats to make sure that every small child in sight can sit before you do.

Seriously, how many UK cases can you cite of children in the care of responsible adults getting crushed on trains, other than in serious train accidents?

I had this last week when I was taking a disabled person to their appointment. Young, fit mum bounds on with an energetic junior school kid with a bike. Somebody gives up one non priority seat so kid sits down.
For some reason, the mum is shooting daggers at my chargee in the priority seat. After a while, the person next to them gets up to leave so chargee maneuvers themselves to let them out.
Suddenly, she springs into action with daughter, loudly telling daughter "Get up! Let's move to those two seats!" At this point, I tell my chargee to sit back down which leads to more daggers and a loud announcement about not being given the priority seats.
I could have showed her up by pointing out the obvious but I couldn't be bothered.

I have a feeling that this mum is posting on this thread

Ridiculous level of entitlement some parents have these days

So since my greengrocer, builder, plant grower, plumber's admin, etc are doing it for pocket money I shouldn't expect them to be open or available at lunch time when I as a working age person am free as they are going to/returning from a medical appointment at one of their busy times in the day?

On the fence here. On the Glasgow subway I'll definitely let small children sit, the acceleration and braking are pretty strong and there are very few handholds at child height. I'm stretching to reach some of them as a 5'6 woman. The only solid handholds not on the ceiling are in the door area. My first couple of trips on it I nearly went flying out of my seat as it's way more violent than the more modern tube trains in London. Now I'm much more comfortable with it as I use it regularly.

If travelling with the kids I'd get the 3 of us in 2 seats, or the 2 kids in 1 seat but it's not easy for the 4 year old to hold on to much. I'm happy supporting him if I have a good handhold but in some places I'm stretching to reach anything so the extra weight at an awkward angle could be a problem. 7 year old is tall enough to reach anything but the ceiling handles on most things - but actually balancing on a moving train is a skill like riding a bike!

They maybe but they need to adapt and travel at times when it is safe for them.

This is what parents need to do, not expect strangers to get up for them.

If the kids get hurt, it's the parents fault.

So essentially you are saying the elderly/people without young children should make all of their appointments at a time that suits those with young children. Right, got it.

Can you see how ridiculous you are being?

nope not unreasonable - when I've been on the train with my DC if its been crowded we have just found a place to be - if they have 3 kids who need a seat thy should have reserved a seat.

only time where this wasn't the case was when on the train coming back from the commonwealth games and it was absolutely rammed way past capacity and the driver refused to move with small kids in the vestibules and stated that all reservations were cancelled and asked people to give the children seats.

You aren't in the wrong whatsoever,I was brought up to give my seat up for older folk or someone who needed it,either sat on mums knee when young or stood as got older. My kids are taught same. Good for you standing your ground x

You did the right thing OP, she sounds entitled and unsympathetic to other people.

When I was 10 my mother always taught me it was polite to stand for an adult. YANBU

I've had parents do the same to me, with my invisible disability. Cunts.

Love how people feels that their ability to breed makes them special! Many years ago we went to the early evening showing of the new Harry Potter fim, we sat on the end of a row. As the cinema filled up and the lights started to dim a woman arrived with a caravan of children, about 6 of them. She put some of them into the same row but across the aisle that we were on, she then started to tell people in our row to move up, filling the odd gaps, Eventually she started on us, You need to move so I can be near the children! She seemed to be amazed that we didn't jump to her demands, she brought one of the staff to 'Tell them to move up'. We stuck to our guns and she was not a happy bunny, especially when she was told by me that anyone with intelligence wanting 7 seats together would have got there earlier.

YANBU. Even if you were perfectly healthy you would not be obliged to give up your seat for a stranger.

Her children are her problem, not yours.

She could have stood in the aisle next to them, or put one on her lap, or told the 3 kids to squish up on the 2 side. She's a cf

YANBU. Expecting you to stand so pre-teen kids can sit is very odd.