Page 7 | About not moving on the train?

TrainSitu · 2023-02-19T16:13:01+00:00

I’ve recently had shoulder surgery but I am now out of a sling so I guess I don’t look injured. I’m sat at a table seat on the train to get back to my work area after visiting my dad. I’ve got my backpack on the table and my big bag was put up on the top by a lovely man who offered to put it up. We get to the next station and it’s absolutely heaving and a mother with 3 kids gets on. Everyone files into seats and someone sits opposite me. She then approaches and asks if the other 2 seats are reserved. I said no and she could have them and sat the kids down. She then looks and me and say says “I’ve got 3 children who need a seat please can they have yours” I said no I’ve recently had shoulder surgery and still recovering so standing on a packed train would be too painful. She then continually said “ I have 3 kids though” At this point I said “I’m not particularly bothered by the amount of kids you have but I will be staying in this seat as I need it too if you have any issues please go speak to the train conductor” The look she gave me could kill! So AIBU for not moving? The original guy who put my bag in the overhead rack ended up telling her to leave me alone as she kept repeating about her 3 kids. I feel like a cow bag but a justified one! NC for this so it can’t be linked to any previous threads.

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 20:03

OxanaVorontsova · 19/02/2023 19:56

Don’t be so ridiculous

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Why is that ridiculous? I was replying to someone who thinks it isn't dangerous for young children to stand on a train as it is rare for a train to brake suddenly. It is even rarer for me to be involved in a car crash so by her logic my GC don't need to be strapped in.

UserNameSameGame · 19/02/2023 20:05

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 19:53

Shall I stop strapping my GC into their car seats when I'm driving? I've been driving for 50 years and never been involved in an accident so they should be OK shouldn't they?

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If what you are driving is a train, then yes. That is what we are talking about, after all.

ChangesUsername · 19/02/2023 20:25

@ancientgran you are comparing apples to pears
I agree you are being ridiculous
@TrainSitu should not give up her seat for no other reason that she doesn't want to
Somebody offers fine but it's not the OP issue to suck up

Cosyblankets · 19/02/2023 20:27

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 19:51

The kids were sitting opposite each other not next to each other so it would have to be two on one seat which might not be fair to the person sitting next to them.

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In that situation I would happily move round so they could share. But no way would I be standing

OxanaVorontsova · 19/02/2023 20:28

Choosing not to strap them in in your own car is one thing, getting on a train with 3 children without booking seats and expecting others to move for you is entirely different

Againstmachine · 19/02/2023 21:09

ancientgran · 19/02/2023 19:53

Shall I stop strapping my GC into their car seats when I'm driving? I've been driving for 50 years and never been involved in an accident so they should be OK shouldn't they?

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So if it's that dangerous that kids will go flying why should I put myself in danger of going flying to protect someone I don't know kids.

Nah thanks to you are being redicolous as trains brake less than cars and if you have never braked suddenly in a car either you rarely drive or you are a liar.

BlueHeelers · 19/02/2023 21:34

DangerNoodles · 19/02/2023 18:01

@Xol that's why I said if there was no other option. I just couldn't remain seated while a little 4 year old wobbles about, nor would I have made my young children stand at that age for an able bodied adult.

But if you and your 4 year old were both seated and full-fare paying adults were standing you might well get your 4 year old onto your lap to allow an adult to sit down. That would be the mannerly thing to do, which would also help to raise your child to have awareness and consideration for those around him/her.

JMSA · 19/02/2023 21:36

Bloody cheek of her! YANBU and hope you're fully mended soon, OP.

Cosyblankets · 19/02/2023 22:02

BlueHeelers · 19/02/2023 21:34

But if you and your 4 year old were both seated and full-fare paying adults were standing you might well get your 4 year old onto your lap to allow an adult to sit down. That would be the mannerly thing to do, which would also help to raise your child to have awareness and consideration for those around him/her.

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This!
No wonder some youngsters are so entitled!

DNBU · 19/02/2023 22:08

Of course YANBU
Can’t believe she asked more than once.

UdoU · 19/02/2023 22:24

Datafan55 · 19/02/2023 17:58

What was the sickly bloke doing asking anyway....? I know some people are oblivious to those around them, but nor do we need to be needlessly managed by random men, thank you so much.

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Is this always a no no? I occasionally ask the general carriage to get up for a pregnant woman. They always thank me, but maybe I’m overstepping? I am a woman.

Datafan55 · 20/02/2023 07:27

UdoU · 19/02/2023 22:24

Is this always a no no? I occasionally ask the general carriage to get up for a pregnant woman. They always thank me, but maybe I’m overstepping? I am a woman.

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I suppose it depends on yours or the sickly blokes motives, to be fair then :-)

Yes some people are oblivious and need a prompt. Someone could get on with blood dripping from them and some people still wouldn't notice.
But, as we know, men do like to try and be in charge.
Sickly bloke could have meant well (although the fact he was asking only a woman to move instead of a bloke influenced me to think 'managing').

Xol · 20/02/2023 07:58

Grumpybutfunny · 19/02/2023 19:54

Interesting I would give up my seat for all of the above but if only one seat was left I would give it to the child. The baby is safely in a bubble of water, the elderly have all day to wait for a quieter train where as the child is at greater risk of injury of the train breaks suddenly or people keep pushing. I would also be tempted to say to one of the kids sit on the end of the table and hold on as that seems safer than standing. The logistic of getting kids off a train mean you don't really want to split up a family

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All rather odd. The issue with pregnant women is not the safety of the baby, it's the fact that the mother may well be in considerable pain given the effect of pregnancy on the ligaments and the fact that, surprise surprise, they're carrying a baby plus a placenta and a load of fluid.

How do you know that the elderly have all day to wait? They may be going to urgent appointments, they may be going to work, and once they're on the train anyway that is it totally irrelevant.

On the other hand, the small child is there with an adult who can have them on their lap or keep them safe while standing.

Wafflington · 20/02/2023 08:35

Grumpybutfunny · 19/02/2023 19:54

Interesting I would give up my seat for all of the above but if only one seat was left I would give it to the child. The baby is safely in a bubble of water, the elderly have all day to wait for a quieter train where as the child is at greater risk of injury of the train breaks suddenly or people keep pushing. I would also be tempted to say to one of the kids sit on the end of the table and hold on as that seems safer than standing. The logistic of getting kids off a train mean you don't really want to split up a family

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Then I, as a 7 month pregnant woman with pgp, would kindly have told you to bugger off - and probably resulted in a nearly identical thread to this being posted. I will give my seat up to someone who is disabled and in greater need than I, or very elderly, but I'm not standing up in agony for a child 🙄

Wafflington · 20/02/2023 08:40

UdoU · 19/02/2023 22:24

Is this always a no no? I occasionally ask the general carriage to get up for a pregnant woman. They always thank me, but maybe I’m overstepping? I am a woman.

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Some people are absorbed in their phones etc and probably don't always notice if a pregnant woman/elderly/etc gets on - doesn't always mean they wouldn't give up their seat if asked, just they haven't realised. Tbh I don't think a polite prompt is rude in that situation, so long as if someone says "sorry I also cannot stand for XYZ" their wishes are respected...

Grumpybutfunny · 20/02/2023 08:50

@Wafflington it not about pain tho is it, it's about safety. I'm quite often in pain from old injuries or sports but I chose to do those sports which means I suffer in silence. DS was an emergency section that means my pelvis has never healed properly it doesn't give me a right to complain and demand a seat i just get on with it.

I've never had any problems rearranging appointments to a time that suits, so the elderly can do the same over risking a child getting hurt.

Wafflington · 20/02/2023 08:55

Grumpybutfunny · 20/02/2023 08:50

@Wafflington it not about pain tho is it, it's about safety. I'm quite often in pain from old injuries or sports but I chose to do those sports which means I suffer in silence. DS was an emergency section that means my pelvis has never healed properly it doesn't give me a right to complain and demand a seat i just get on with it.

I've never had any problems rearranging appointments to a time that suits, so the elderly can do the same over risking a child getting hurt.

I would love to see the look on my midwives face, or my grandads doctor, if I told them "sorry I can't make my next appointment at 9am, can you reschedule it for me so some woman's precious child can have a seat on the bus?"

Do jog on, you're being ridiculous

ancientgran · 20/02/2023 09:12

Againstmachine · 19/02/2023 21:09

So if it's that dangerous that kids will go flying why should I put myself in danger of going flying to protect someone I don't know kids.

Nah thanks to you are being redicolous as trains brake less than cars and if you have never braked suddenly in a car either you rarely drive or you are a liar.

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If you are a healthy adult you will be more able to balance and hold on than a small 4 or 5 year old child.

Don't know who taught you to drive, my instructor taught me that you drive using your gears and should only need to break suddenly if someone runs out in front if you leave a proper gap between you and the car in front. I realise people don't seem to be taught this now as people have such trouble leaving gaps. My husband was on the motorway one day when there was a pile up in front and behind him. He didn't hit the car in front of him as he'd left the correct space between them, unfortunately the idiot behind him was to close and hit him, DH still didn't hit the car in front of him.

If you are breaking hard frequently you have a problem with your driving.

ancientgran · 20/02/2023 09:15

Grumpybutfunny · 20/02/2023 08:50

@Wafflington it not about pain tho is it, it's about safety. I'm quite often in pain from old injuries or sports but I chose to do those sports which means I suffer in silence. DS was an emergency section that means my pelvis has never healed properly it doesn't give me a right to complain and demand a seat i just get on with it.

I've never had any problems rearranging appointments to a time that suits, so the elderly can do the same over risking a child getting hurt.

You're right, for most medical appointments I'm asked if x time and date works and I very rarely have an appointment that can't be changed. I avoid busy times although I am driving not getting buses, I live near a primary school and definitely avoid having to leave when we have the school run chaos.

ancientgran · 20/02/2023 09:18

BlueHeelers · 19/02/2023 21:34

But if you and your 4 year old were both seated and full-fare paying adults were standing you might well get your 4 year old onto your lap to allow an adult to sit down. That would be the mannerly thing to do, which would also help to raise your child to have awareness and consideration for those around him/her.

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The mother might already have a 2 year old on her lap or like someone I know she might have 2 year old twins on her lap and a 3 year old wobbling about.

BlueHeelers · 20/02/2023 09:19

the elderly have all day to wait for a quieter train

What do you mean by this @Grumpybutfunny ? "The elderly" may still be working, may have things to do on a timetable not of their choosing, may simply be PART OF SOCIETY

We're told All.The.Time that "children are part of society' - well so are "the elderly."

You wait - you'd better hope you become one of "the elderly" because the alternative is worse. Meanwhile, have some empathy for someone whose age means that they tire more easily and maybe less strong than you or a small child.

Grumpybutfunny · 20/02/2023 09:25

BlueHeelers · 20/02/2023 09:19

the elderly have all day to wait for a quieter train

What do you mean by this @Grumpybutfunny ? "The elderly" may still be working, may have things to do on a timetable not of their choosing, may simply be PART OF SOCIETY

We're told All.The.Time that "children are part of society' - well so are "the elderly."

You wait - you'd better hope you become one of "the elderly" because the alternative is worse. Meanwhile, have some empathy for someone whose age means that they tire more easily and maybe less strong than you or a small child.

They maybe but they need to adapt and travel at times when it is safe for them. The only elderly I know still working are doing it for pocket money so happy to drive everywhere. Me and DH have a very tight held view that if we do get so old we can't function on our own I.e we would drive over getting the train or stand then we simply don't want to be here.

In my view standing in a train isn't safe for children and as the youngest in society they are our future so need protection no matter the cost to other adults. I would much rather see an adult get hurt than a kid get crushed. As for taking away pain by putting kids at risk nope should never ever happen in my book.

lieselotte · 20/02/2023 10:10

I think children under six are very vulnerable on a crowded train. If it stops suddenly they would go flying

So could anyone who is standing. And children tend to bounce. Unlike more vulnerable adults.

lieselotte · 20/02/2023 10:10

the elderly have all day to wait for a quieter train who says? Just because you're not doing paid work doesn't mean you don't have other commitments!

lieselotte · 20/02/2023 10:12

The mother might already have a 2 year old on her lap or like someone I know she might have 2 year old twins on her lap and a 3 year old wobbling about

Not sure why someone else's decision to have lots of kids means a vulnerable adult (even temporarily vulnerable after an operation) should give up their seat.