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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex topics appearing on active. Please vote

92 replies

justcallmebozo · 19/02/2023 08:25

I want things to go back to how they were before. Posters on both sides of the argument are wanting the same thing. For it to be removed from Active. But this has all got very silly, and very nasty, and arguing doesn't change anything.
I don't know what it would take for MNHQ to listen to us, but surely if we voted overwhelmingly, MNHQ just might take notice? Worth a try, isn't it?

So if you want things to go back to how it was before please vote YANBU.

No need to leave comments, there's enough other threads for those who want a rant.

But please just vote.
YANBU if you want it removed from Active
YABU if you want it to remain on Active

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2023 07:50

QuietlyConfident · 20/02/2023 07:49

TBH if we want MN to be safe for small children to see over your shoulder then someone's going to have to tell AnyFucker.

It’s not the ‘small’ children though. They won’t be able to read HELP WITH ANAL etc.

PortiasBiscuit · 20/02/2023 07:54

Honestly I can’t be arsed with all this talk of anal and squirting and could do without seeing it when I log in. If you want to see that stuff, it’s not a big deal to go and look for it. I imagine there is very little that’s original in any of these posts.

Sparklingbrook · 20/02/2023 08:03

Hide the topic and hope it doesn’t unhide itself is all you can do. Hide threads as you go.

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 21/02/2023 01:01

What really freaking annoys me is all the people saying "just" hide the topic and it'll be sorted. I have been into talk settings so many times and seen that the sex topic us on my hidden topics list and yer, EVERY DAY when I come on mumsnet, there are threads from the sex topic in active. So thise of you who "know" what to do, got any other helpful suggestions?
For me, it's not about past trauma or being a prude, it's about wanting everything staying hidden the way my settings say it is.
What's the point in having a hide topic function if it doesn't freaking work!

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 21/02/2023 01:55

Weatherwax13 · 20/02/2023 02:15

YANBU
For some reason I can't hide it - or anything else - as MN is ridiculously glitchy for me in general atm so I can't adjust settings.
I don't use this word lightly as I think it's overused, but I'm finding it triggering. I have pretty severe trauma and I don't like that MN isn't taking this seriously

All sympathies to you for what you've been through, but with all kindness, if you are triggered, that's for you to manage, not for mn to manage for you.

Maybe speak to your gp about help with coping with day to day things or resilience etc.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 21/02/2023 01:56

My vote is I don't care either way. The threads don't offend me.

Randomactsofspanking · 21/02/2023 02:02

I don’t understand what the issue is? If the most active threads are the sex ones? Why is that bad?
am I missing something? You don’t have to click on every thread that pops up in active just stick to the ones you like?
Some of the sex ones are really informative.

VanillaSox · 21/02/2023 02:06

YABU

mathanxiety · 21/02/2023 02:18

Can it also be made possible to vote on the android app?

That's not possible for me right now.

Fwiw, YANBU.

Weatherwax13 · 21/02/2023 03:54

@TaRaDeBumDeAy so I just don't use MN?
And don't fucking patronise me please. I've had every form of help going.
I'd give you nightmares if I told you what my abuser was eventually sentenced for doing to me

Weatherwax13 · 21/02/2023 04:24

Caramelsmadfuzzytail · 21/02/2023 01:01

What really freaking annoys me is all the people saying "just" hide the topic and it'll be sorted. I have been into talk settings so many times and seen that the sex topic us on my hidden topics list and yer, EVERY DAY when I come on mumsnet, there are threads from the sex topic in active. So thise of you who "know" what to do, got any other helpful suggestions?
For me, it's not about past trauma or being a prude, it's about wanting everything staying hidden the way my settings say it is.
What's the point in having a hide topic function if it doesn't freaking work!

**precisely
Hence why you and I have successfully managed this through use of the settings, in my case for years.
PPs being obtuse and saying well just don't open the thread could stand to use a little nouse and imagine that perhaps a title ambushing you describing a particular act can do enough damage.
I've now managed to get into settings again between glitches and hide the topic again but it took days.
I'm absolutely fine to read/talk about sex when I choose - but the operative word is Choose.

milkyaqua · 21/02/2023 04:35

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 21/02/2023 01:55

All sympathies to you for what you've been through, but with all kindness, if you are triggered, that's for you to manage, not for mn to manage for you.

Maybe speak to your gp about help with coping with day to day things or resilience etc.

Show quote history

Could you be any more patronising?

On MN, posts with triggering titles or subject matter get regularly rephrased with trigger warnings, by MNHQ.

But here, a whole bunch of regular users who don't want the Sex board shoved in their faces, or even to be reminded it exists, are unable to avoid it because they are unable to simply hide it on the mobile app.

It has been long hidden by me, but I am appalled that women are being subjected to the sight of it on Active, and then blamed for being upset, when some of us have very good reason to be frankly traumatised by the subject.

Sparklingbrook · 21/02/2023 06:09

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 21/02/2023 01:55

All sympathies to you for what you've been through, but with all kindness, if you are triggered, that's for you to manage, not for mn to manage for you.

Maybe speak to your gp about help with coping with day to day things or resilience etc.

Show quote history

Sooo patronising. Hmm

ComfortablyDazed · 21/02/2023 06:26

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 21/02/2023 01:55

All sympathies to you for what you've been through, but with all kindness, if you are triggered, that's for you to manage, not for mn to manage for you.

Maybe speak to your gp about help with coping with day to day things or resilience etc.

Show quote history

That really didn’t come out sounding the way you obviously intended it to sound.

TrainCarriage · 21/02/2023 06:34

YANBU

Aldisfinest · 21/02/2023 06:37

Doesn't bother me, I just don't click on it if I have no interest in joining the discussion.

lovem · 21/02/2023 06:37

Snowdropscrocus · 20/02/2023 06:05

@Annoyingwurringnoise i agree with you about the boundary pushing.

I am pregnant with a two year old. MN seem very intent on telling me how important my sex life is, and how having small children should not impede on it. I’m fed up of it to be honest.

I hadn't thought of this angle but you're right, that's another creepy undertone to consider.

Sparklingbrook · 21/02/2023 06:43

Aldisfinest · 21/02/2023 06:37

Doesn't bother me, I just don't click on it if I have no interest in joining the discussion.

This thread has shown it’s about so much more than that.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 21/02/2023 07:42

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 21/02/2023 01:55

All sympathies to you for what you've been through, but with all kindness, if you are triggered, that's for you to manage, not for mn to manage for you.

Maybe speak to your gp about help with coping with day to day things or resilience etc.

Show quote history

Victim blaming.

Absolutely sickening behaviour.

Alive and well on Mumsnet.

Can we get any lower?

AWaferThinMint · 21/02/2023 08:50

YANBU

I would actually vote but I'm on app and yet again, as with Mumsnets only solution to this problem, I cannot do that from the app.

How about making functionality across platforms all the same before alienating large swathes of your reader base.

JamSandle · 21/02/2023 08:53

Yanbu

SoupDragon · 21/02/2023 09:28

RainbowZebraWarrior · 21/02/2023 07:42

Victim blaming.

Absolutely sickening behaviour.

Alive and well on Mumsnet.

Can we get any lower?

Show quote history

Calling this "victim blaming" is ridiculous and minimises actual victim blaming.

hellosunshineagainxxx · 21/02/2023 09:31

It's just sex, you can hide the topic. There's tons of threads id rather not read the title to but it's just the nature of a public forum

Sparklingbrook · 21/02/2023 09:33

hellosunshineagainxxx · 21/02/2023 09:31

It's just sex, you can hide the topic. There's tons of threads id rather not read the title to but it's just the nature of a public forum

Yes that has been said. A lot. But it is about more than that as people have been explaining.

Starshine3 · 21/02/2023 09:46

All sorts of things are triggering to lots of people. Sex is a normal part of life for most people. No reason it should be hidden any more than anything else. It’s an site for adults.