To think I'm doing parenting all wrong?

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When I was pregnant, I had all these amazing ideas about what kind of mum I was going to be. Turns out I'm the complete opposite! Had a bit of a cry this evening, as I just feel like I'm failing as a mum and doing everything wrong! DD is currently 7 months and is generally a happy baby, but I still can't shake the feeling that everything is going wrong...

1. Firstly, I was adamant that I wasn't going to give DD a dummy. I lasted 4 weeks and then caved in and gave her one. Now she's heavily attached to it and wakes up screaming if it falls out of her mouth.
2. DD is yet to sleep through the night and still wakes up every 2-3 hours and I feed to sleep (another thing I was adamant I wasn't going to do!)
3. She sleeps in my bed and is yet to go in her own cot, unlike many of the other babies at the baby groups we go to.
4. Tried baby led weaning which was a complete fail and DD will only eat puréed foods. I'm worried this will hold her back from developing her fine motor skills as I'm spoon feeding her, rather than her picking up the food herself.
5. I am still breastfeeding every 3 hours/on demand.

Can anyone tell me if these things are normal for her age? All the babies at the groups we go to seem to be sleeping through the night, eating 3 meals a day and sleeping in their own room! It genuinely makes me feel like a bad mum that I haven't managed to get my DD to do any of these things. Please could anyone offer any reassurance for an emotional, sleep deprived first time mum 😢

This sounds exactly like my eldest. When I had a meltdown at a similar age about similar things and saying that everyone else's baby could do the stuff fine, I remember my husband saying "never under estimate how many people are lying about their kids". I think this may be the key.

Totally normal. My children were terrible sleepers and I was in my sleep-deprived, emotional state convinced it was my fault. Obviously it wasn't and they're now 8 and 11 and sleep well, at last!

She's tiny!! My 17 month old doesn't sleep through the night and he sleeps in our bed, I'm happy with the set up although I get a lot of comments about moving him to his own room.

I felt the same about dummies but gave in at about 2 weeks. From about 8 months we tried just to give him it for sleep and care rides (which he hates) but if has it if he's poorly too.

Breastfeeding didn't work out for me so I can't comment but it sounds to me like you're doing everything right! Have a look at Lynsey Hookway on Instagram, really helped me x

Don't listen to what the other Mum's are saying, it's just a snapshot in time and everything changes quickly at that age. Rules change all the time as well, I spoon fed by 3 who are now 11, 9 and 6, baby led weaning was just becoming a thing with my youngest but I liked to see how much they were actually eating instead of throwing it all over the floor 🙈. Dummy's are fine for that age too. Everyone is the best parent ever until they have kids 😂.
My oldest 2 didn't sleep through until they were toddlers and my youngest was 6 months. They are all just different and go through different phases at different times, don't be hard on yourself.

Do not give a second thought to baby led weaning. I did it with both of mine and they’re both terrible eaters with delayed final motor skills. If she prefers pureee just give her that!

Your DD is only 7months old. What are you expecting from this baby?

My two when they were under age of 2 woke during the night for feeding and co-slept with me (and DH) as a lot of the time it was easier than putting back in their cot. Co-sleeping doesn't hold them back at all. Spoon feeding them doesn't hold them back either. It is a lot quicker to spoon feed them and a lot less messier. You can give them little snacks like baby biscuits etc that they can hold themselves. When your baby is a bit older she will feed herself so in the meantime enjoy your baby and allow her to be babied.

Again the baby is 7mths old, seriously I don't understand what the post is about. All babies progress at different speeds. If you are worried about her health than that's a different story. But if you're comparing her to others than that is stupid and you should stop listening to the other mothers if it is causing you to doubt yourself.

Motherhood is never what you expect it to be. But just enjoy all the moments with your little one.

All the babies at the groups we go to seem to be sleeping through the night, eating 3 meals a day and sleeping in their own room! It genuinely makes me feel like a bad mum that I haven't managed to get my DD to do any of these things. Please could anyone offer any reassurance for an emotional, sleep deprived first time mum

The only reassurance I can offer is this. No matter how much you tell them what other babies are doing yours will stubbornly continue to go at their own pace, the same as every baby does. Keep going, don't compare your baby to anybody elses and although right now it might seem a long way off you'll get there sooner than you think.

Is your baby loved? Has somewhere warm to sleep? Is fed?

yep you’re doing absolutely fine.

As a parent you do what you need to to get through each day. Kids don’t come with manual so they have no idea how they’re “supposed” to act. Mine wouldn’t take a dummy. She’s now 13, still thumb sucks and is about to get brace. Do I feel I failed as a parent? No. Because is is loving articulate and funny. Do we still have things I wish had gone differently? Definitely yes.

OP you are doing fine.

I hated dummies too. DS1 had one til he was 6 months, DS2 until 18 months. They saved my sanity on a number of occasions.

DS1 didn’t sleep through until he was 1, had a bit of a regression at 3 but has been fine ever since (now age 8). DS2 slept through from 8 weeks until he was 1, then was a nightmare sleeper until about 3! He still comes into my bed most nights (now nearly 5).

Don’t worry too much about the weaning stuff. At 7 months their primary source of food is still milk.

I'm a first time mum so have never done this before and have no experience to compare to, other than what I hear at the baby groups. I'm feeling a bit lost as every baby seems to be doing things that my baby can't and I just needed some reassurance that I am on the right track. I found your post quite rude and unhelpful, tbh.

Completely normal.
Do what works for you and baby. Prioritise your mental health, and I promise, everything else will fall into place. My DD is 2.5, never BFd but co-sleeping still. It works for us.

If you're failing, I failed too. Don't know if it will make you feel any better but:

-My DD didn't sleep through the night until she was at least a year old. When I was pregnancy I swore up and down I wouldn't co-sleep. Guess what happened? Finally got her in a bed on her own around a year old, but anytime she was sick for the next 3 years, she slept next to me.
-She also wouldn't do baby-led weaning. I'm probably in the minority here, but I quite liked making baby purees and it didn't really bother me. She eventually got around to eating normally and is now a great eater who loves fruits and veg and has never been picky. She also still had bottles for a long time past other kids.
-I BF my DD for 4 years. Again if you'd told me I would do that while pregnant I would have laughed. But she just liked it. And like, NEEDED it. She found it very calming, especially after starting nursery and bring home every bug for 2 years. When she was ill, she just wanted to BF. Eventually I said, I think you're too big to do this now, and she said OK, and was fine with it.

I guess my message is, please don't think of yourself as a failure. Every baby is different. I'm 100% sure yours will be fine.

You sounds like an amazing mum, and it sounds like you're totally in tune with your baby and allowing them time lead the way.

Don't worry about the dummy, they love to suck!
Feeding to sleep is completely normal and natural. If you're co sleeping with your baby, it makes complete sense.
Baby's love being close, you're doing nothing wrong there.
You are so early in the weaning journey. Just mix it up and continue to offer some BLW foods and some purée, just leave her to it and try not to be disheartened. My baby wasn't fully weaned until 14 months.
Try not to compare - everyone's having their own struggles.

My experience:

I co-slept/breast fed exclusively with my DD for 5 months then moved her into her own nursery, started giving her a bottle of formula before bed and she began sleeping through the night. I had got to the point where I wanted some space and she seemed to like it. Eventually she began feeding herself to sleep with a bottle. Every baby is different.

UK is weird about dummies. I had my babies in France and most babies have dummies there. With my second I was actively encouraged to give one by our paediatrician.

You're doing great, please don't stress any more. Whatever gets you through without too much upset for anyone is what's best

1. The dummy - it's no big deal, you can wean her off it in time. One of mine had a dummy, the others sucked their thumbs. The one with the dummy gave it up at around 18 months.

1. Feeding to sleep - if it works it works. Once she's eating more solids it's unlikely she'll need this.

1. She sleeps in my bed - one of mine was in their cot from the start, another was with us till nearly 2, another at 6 months. They're all different, it will come with time.

1. BLW is a relatively new thing. Think of all the people in the world with excellent fine motor skills who were probably spoon-fed. It will be totally fine, don't stress.

1. Still breastfeeding - unless it's stressing you out, then she will wean eventually and you won't need to do this any more.

Seriously OP, it doesn't matter what anyone else does. As long as she's more or less walking by 18 months and communicating with c.10+ words it will all be fine. The main thing is to not stress out too much. Millions of babies in the world, all being raised a bit differently. It'll be fine.

You're doing great. You're responding to your baby's needs, and all babies are different.

I had one who slept through, fully BF, from 10 weeks. 10 pm till 7. The other one wanted BF twice a night until almost a year old.

I had one who was self feeding bits off highchair tray from 7-8 months. The other wanted pureed and spoonfed until 1. They were both self feeding using spoons, forks, plates, bowls by 18 months.

I went back to full time work at 6 months with both so expressed at work, but when I was with them I demand fed. End of. Until I stopped at 13 months with both.

I offered DC2 a dummy. Not interested at all.

They're 22 and 20 now and they're great.

My DD is 13 months hated baby led weaning, is the most laziest eater actually 😂 she doesn't always have 3 meals due to teething or getting some form of viral infection 🙄 and she hasn't slept through once and gets in our bed half way through the night, every night but she is the happiest baby and excels at everything she needs to be, walking ect.
If your baby is happy then your doing a good job 😊

The fact that you care so much says a lot, you’re not a failure! It’s just harder than any of us realise.
Just a couple of suggestions:

1. Not surprised you’re bloody knackered if you’re feeding every three hours. If co-sleeping is really bothering you, could you bring the cot in your room so little one is still in their own cot but in the same room for feeds? I bottle fed by then so have a very different experience, this suggestion comes with absolutely no judgement at all!
2. Don’t feel bad about the dummy, my daughter was a nightmare with hers, she loved it and we had no bother getting her off it at 2 (had been sleeping with it only by then, or when unwell) try reading books like ‘bea gives up her dummy’ (Amazon) when the time comes.
3. Mine was also the same with baby lead weaning, took her to messy play for about a 6 week term, about three weeks in she’d touch anything and it all went straight in her mouth! Could try it at home, cook spaghetti and put food colouring in, cheerios (can make into sand) or play with whole, get messier each week and end up with the really wet stuff, can put it in a paddling pool. I went to the classes cos I don’t like mess and there was one close by! After the six weeks she’d eat beans and tinned spaghetti with her hands, totally got over the aversion to touching stuff!

Honestly, we all have those days of feeling like rubbish but if it’s getting you down regularly, it might be worth speaking to the health visitor or your GP in case it’s depression. Some of us have been there too, and we’re still great mums!

Ahh bless you. All of these are perfectly normal at 7 months I promise you.if it makes you feel any better my little one is 15 months and still does all of these (except the dummy- he hated this we did try!)
we all have these high and mighty ideas about what things will be like
before we are parents which go out to the window when we are thick in the sleep deprived chaos. The sooner we let go of these the happier we tend to be.

Give yourself a break! I'm yet to see a 15 year old (able bodied and NT, of course) with a dummy, who sleeps with their parents and is unable to feed themselves. It'll all work out fine and your baby will do things at their own pace.

I think most of us have had a bitter chuckle at some of our ideals before we have children. As the cliche goes, they don't come with a menial and they are individuals. Also, it's never wise to think you've ever cracked any aspect of parenting, the little monsters will suddenly decide not to confirm, just to confound you!

Your baby is happy - that is the most important thing of all.

DC sounds happy and healthy so you’re doing a great job OP! We all fantasised about what perfect parenting would look like and rarely stick to it. Pre kids me was such an idiot! I have 2 under 2 and will do anything for an easy life. You’re not failing.

DC won’t need a dummy forever, they need comforting and that’s what brings them comfort, it’s okay.
Before you know it (we already have with our 21mo after co sleeping for 10 months) - they soon won’t want to snuggle in bed with you anymore! Make the most of those precious moments.
I used to kick myself for feeding ds1 to sleep. Now I adore doing it for ds2, sleepy cuddles are the best.

Don’t compare your baby to those in baby groups. Most of their “wins” probably aren’t consistent either. The first time DS1 slept 11.45pm-5am I told people he was ‘sleeping through the night’ - he still doesn’t do it that often!

They’re only Little once and they all catch up once they get older so don’t stress and enjoy your baby being a baby

Ah love, you're doing fine!

I was almost exactly the same with my third - in particular, he wasn't bothered about weaning at all until 7 months. Wouldn't countenance a single bit of food till then.

But you're doing fine.

I was exactly same - FTM to my DS in 2020!
I felt he was a terrible sleeping baby compared to other children - he was EBF and didn’t sleep through until about 10.5m when I stopped night feeding when returning to work, he is now one of the best sleepers in my group.
weaning - he was such a sick baby (colic, thrush, reflux) I was terrified - I ended up doing pureee and then whatever the meal was just giving a piece of for him to play on the side with and some of those ezpz spoons to develop his hand skills - he got there and you couldn’t even tell difference between him and other 2.5 years olds.
mum biggest piece of advise that I carry with me (due with DD in 2 weeks), we all take a journey but get to the same place in the end and no one can tell a baby led, EBF, formula baby from the other. So do whatever works for you!!

I tried so hard to get my 4dc to take dummies as I sucked my thumb, trying lots of sorts, holding them in but no, it wasn't to be! They preferred to use me as a dummy and none of them sucked their thumbs. Dd1 and dd3 were always in my bed but dd2 and ds preferred their own space. Dd1 liked to feed herself whilst ds loved being fed with a spoon - and as quickly as possible. They all turned out okay, mastered feeding themselves, sleeping (eventually) all night in their own beds ( and sometimes all day) and I'm sure no one can tell what a 'terrible' mother they had. Two are in their 30s and 2 are teenagers.

I used to sit on my high horse about managing to raise DD1 without a dummy. Then I had a second and realised it wasn't pride, it was stupidity.