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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To walk away from my MIL when she does this

227 replies

Fluttershyy · 18/02/2023 16:55

So my MIL is a bit of an odd one and doesn’t take no for an answer, as in she just goes on and on and on and on and only tends to get the point when someone looses their rag with her (DH).

2 things this week that she just gone on and on and on about, the most trivial is the one I’ll share here because I just don’t get why she does it

made cheesy veg muffins for my kids (toddler and pre schooler so young). They came out well if I say so myself and were a low effort high yield meal that will do a few lunches and snacks. Great. MIL was over at lunch offered her some, she asked what they were, told her (simple concept right). Then eating them, it was like she was eating rotten fruit, the face on her, she even spat it in the bin and then asked what was in it, explained, then she spent literally the next 5-10 mins disagreeing with me that their primary ingredient was potato, it wasn’t I made them, but it was her hill to die on, she wouldn’t let it go and was insistent they had potatoes in. She doesn’t have a potato allergy or anything she was just insistent they were potato based. In the end I had to say sure whatever walk away. Cue a few hrs later, she brings up the fact I lied that the muffins had potatoes in and proceeded to lecture me how I must have prepped the pots incorrectly and how I must do it instead. I ended up just saying they didn’t have potatoes in and walk away (probably huffily).

what the f is up with that firstly?

Walking away is the best thing to do right, she won’t back down otherwise

OP posts:
VivaciousRadish · 18/02/2023 18:42

She sounds awful.

When my eldest was about 4 she was given something she didn’t like, and said ‘it’s absolutely delicious, but also disgusting’ - well brought up/completely honest. If my four year old can manage to stay polite (up to a point), so can your mother in law. She’s very rude.

ReadersD1gest · 18/02/2023 18:43

VivaciousRadish · 18/02/2023 18:42

She sounds awful.

When my eldest was about 4 she was given something she didn’t like, and said ‘it’s absolutely delicious, but also disgusting’ - well brought up/completely honest. If my four year old can manage to stay polite (up to a point), so can your mother in law. She’s very rude.

Haha, that's brilliant 😁

Fluttershyy · 18/02/2023 18:43

diddl · 18/02/2023 18:25

A few hours later?

Why was she still there?

Why didn't you ask her to leave when she was being rude accusing you of lying?

She was around visiting for the day and babysat the kids on school hols for a few hrs after club

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/02/2023 18:44

I'd have said "you say potato, I say egg like every other fucking muffin"

Well...I'd have thought about it 30mins after she left and wanted to say it.

Same thing.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 18/02/2023 18:45

What you could do is

Invite her for dinner

Cook something that smells amazing - I do lemon and herb roast chicken that fills the house with the most divine smell.

Serve up everyone’s food, except hers.

Say “MIL - I’ve made a special dish just for you!”

Give her this on a plate. Insist it’s chicken.

To walk away from my MIL when she does this
Cherrysoup · 18/02/2023 18:46

Keyansier · 18/02/2023 17:28

Well I'm sorry it upsets you, but it's not intentional. I can't help but make a disgusted or disliked face if I taste food my taste buds don't like.

Yes you can, it’s called being an adult and having manners.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 18/02/2023 18:48

Walking away is one option OP, but sometimes that's not always possible to get out of earshot.
I suggest you have a variety of shut down comments to hand, you'll have to make them up to match the circs but along the lines of the following. Think of a NewsReader delivery, very polite, very neutral but also very firm.

You can just repeat these the more she goes on until she realises that is all the feedback she is getting.
I hear what you are saying. - (begin a task)
"Thank you for your opinion. We will leave it there."
You have made your views known. That is the end of the discussion.
You are certainly entitled to think that.
That is not something I am interested in discussing.
I am not prepared to discuss this any further
I do not want to hear one more word about it. Would you like to talk about a, b, c instead?
You get the picture.
Its difficult because it feels disrespectful to shut someone down like that normally but from your description, she is almost goading people into shouting at her, so you could argue you are avoiding a build up of the situation. Also you don't want to let her wind you up until you explode. It seems like she really likes that negative attention. Maybe this would be a good way to counter that.
Just like a toddler, reward the good behaviour, when she can have a conversation that doesn't demonstrate the bad behaviour, try to listen and respond with interest.

Cherrysoup · 18/02/2023 18:48

Is there an ignore option? I just fell for the troll!

BashfulClam · 18/02/2023 18:49

My mum makes up things insists she’s right. Then if you bring it up later says ‘I never said that, it must have been someone else!’

Suedomin · 18/02/2023 18:49

I can't help but make a disgusted or disliked face if I taste food my taste buds don't like.
Most adults would stop themselves from making a face unless it was something extremely bitter, salty etc and I can't imagine that cheese muffins OP made for her children would have so strong a taste.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 18/02/2023 18:50

Another one here OP that would like the recipe please, having bought some higgedy ones reduced that were delicious but normally cost a fortune!

Keys is the chap that cried because he didn't get IDed for booze despite being quite a way past 18, isn't he?

IloveRickyGervaisAndHisTeeth · 18/02/2023 18:51

I can't be bothered to argue with people like that. A family member has very strong views on the government, police, council, banks, etc. Whenever she's on one of her rants, I simply say "Oh yes, that's right" and agree - even when I don't. I'm certainly not a wimp or a people-pleaser, but I find that by agreeing, the other person has nowhere to go with that conversation.

Keyansier · 18/02/2023 18:53

Ok, well I can't help not disliking food I don't like and being unable to disguise my own facial expressions, sorry that's seems to have upset some people.

DaftAporth · 18/02/2023 18:53

Cherrysoup · 18/02/2023 18:48

Is there an ignore option? I just fell for the troll!

Me too. Annoyed with myself. 😬

Hoppinggreen · 18/02/2023 18:54

Keyansier · 18/02/2023 18:53

Ok, well I can't help not disliking food I don't like and being unable to disguise my own facial expressions, sorry that's seems to have upset some people.

No you’re not

Everyonehasavoice · 18/02/2023 18:57

She sounds exhausting.
One of those people whose always right.
You did the right thing by walking away
As an aside…..if just googled cheesy veg muffins. Sound delicious, will be trying them tomorrow 👏

FictionalCharacter · 18/02/2023 18:58

Keyansier · 18/02/2023 18:53

Ok, well I can't help not disliking food I don't like and being unable to disguise my own facial expressions, sorry that's seems to have upset some people.

Seems you can’t help jumping into MN threads to make goady comments either.

letthemalldoone · 18/02/2023 18:59

Was she always like this?

Simplest thing to do is agree with her, and let her witter on, then do whatever you want. As for a child living with her, that would be the hugest, most emphatic no and eff off!

Partyandbullshit · 18/02/2023 19:01

I’ve seen this soooo many times, in women and men who have lived a very small and narrow life for many years, are very confident and secure in that life, have no personal experience of any other life AND - worst of all - think anything outside their firm beliefs and knowledge is wrong / impossible / derisory. Walking away is absolutely the only thing you can do (after you’ve eye rolled till you have no eyeballs left). Such claustrophobic people to be around.

diddl · 18/02/2023 19:02

Cheesy veg muffins-I wonder why she thought that pots would be in them?

WhereYouLeftIt · 18/02/2023 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Rogue1001MNer · 18/02/2023 19:06

Keyansier · 18/02/2023 17:32

I don't do it purposely but if someone feeds me food and I don't like it when I taste it I will most likely make a disgusted face and be keen to spit it out at the most immediate opportunity. It's an involuntary action on my behalf.

I expect you cry and shake as well.

Seems to be the norm in your world

Borgonzola · 18/02/2023 19:07

Yet again Keyansier comes charging in to spectacularly miss the point

MargaretThursday · 18/02/2023 19:08

2bazookas · 18/02/2023 17:21

This is probably the very early first signs of some kind of dementia in MIL.

I was thinking that. My gran swore there was raw onion inserted into quiche made my my aunt. That was probably her first sign of alzheimers looking back.

Cherrysoup · 18/02/2023 19:10

Rogue1001MNer · 18/02/2023 19:06

I expect you cry and shake as well.

Seems to be the norm in your world

Probably screamed at the Sistine Chapel too! 😱😂