To think female groups are hard work

[Peckhaminn]

I've found I perform much better one on one than in girl groups. All my life I've got along with men and find their banter much more enlightening and humorous than female banter.

I don't seem to stick well I'm girl groups, often the one push out or the one that's too 'open'. I just find men much easier than women and I was wondering if this is a common issue?

I’m an introvert. I have different friends for different activities/interests/ (mutual) purposes. Some larger groups, some one on one. I also don’t want to have deep and meaningful conversations all the time that I have company, as an introvert I would find that as exhausting. Maybe introverts, like women, aren’t all the same?

@BiasedBinding

Exactly

Internalised misogyny alive and kicking I see.

@Forfrigz
This is actually a major sign of autism in women. It's massively underdiagnosed because when women have problems it's seen as theirs to deal with unless very very severe and easy to diagnose. Women with autism often prefer male company because males tend to be more straightforward in communication and generally have less nuance/ reading between the lines going on in their dialogue.

Aaaaaaaah! Light bulb moment!

Do people honestly think that men are more straightforward / less nuanced?

Have any of you ever met a man?

Do people honestly think that men are more straightforward / less nuanced?

Have any of you ever met a man?
Agreed! Men isn't a personality type.

It's very easy to get sucked into the men are form Mars and women are from Venus line of thinking, which is silly. It's not like men have a blue brain that makes them a certain way, just like women don't have a pink brain that makes them into girly things and bitchyness.

Yy I don’t recognise this at all with men.

are some people interpreting what they expect to see/hear from women and men?

I’m sure it suits many men very well to be viewed as “straightforward communicators” in comparison to women. How handy.

It buys into all that

Men are straight talking /women are bitches

Men are aggrresive / women are bossy

Bullshit

I used to think like you about female groups but I don’t anymore.

I think female groups, like groups made up of any sex of people, can be healthy or unhealthy. Also different people look for different things from their group friendships.

I don’t enjoy being in very bitchy groups, where people talk about each other or other people a lot. I don’t like groups where everyone is the same, wears the same etc. I don’t like groups where there is lots of passive aggressiveness etc. I do think some groups of females can be like this, but not all.

I have a group of women I spend time with now and I love it. However they are a mix range of ages, different interested and also several of us are ND. There is very little bitchiness, and lots of acceptance of people having different ideas etc.

I think maybe you haven’t found the right group of women and/or just work better 121.

Is this a wind up? All this talk about how male banter is "better" and women are "high maintenance" on a forum you know is mostly women, and you don't think that's going to be antagonistic? I don't think I've ever rolled my eyes harder.

No I don't find this at all. IME male banter is almost always centred around being chauvinistic and/or discussing being drunk, and their general approach to friendship is not discussing anything personal and being dicks to each other when they do. I don't find them funnier, I generally find them really repetitive, especially when actively trying to have "banter". I like plenty of men but generally not in groups. The female friendships I've had have not been "girly" or prudish.

I wouldn't seek out men to tell them how much better women are, though.

Yes what a lot of bollocks. I should tell all the males in my life to stop being so complex and be more straightforward. DH has far more angst than me and can be a terrible gossip!

I would suspect you just haven't found the right women for you if you are struggling with your friendships groups. Not that women aren't friends with you because they are empty airheads that talk about their nails or, heaven forbid, have a different opinion to you. Good job too that no man would ever have strident opinions that they will see fit to educate people on regardless whether that opinion is actually informed...

Are your men friends happy to talk about periods and vaginal fluids? I would have thought that was pretty 'girly'

How often are you trying to banter about vaginal fluid? That seems a bit odd 😂

What an incredibly bizzare thread. I am in my 50s, and have had probably 25-30 friends/friendly acquaintances in my whole life and worked in bunches of 5 to 15 women, I've never actually know ONE of them talk about 'vaginal fluids.' As a pp said, what kind of people are you hanging around with FFS?! @Peckhaminn

Also, to label all female groups as 'hard work' is ridiculous. My dd's group of friends, all between 21 and 35, (at least twenty of them - from college and university, and work, etc,) are an amazing bunch of young women. Very, very little cattiness or competitiveness there. All successful, amazing young women who are happy with their life.

Conversely. My friend's husband has just recently joined a private WhatsApp group with a few colleagues at work. There are around 15 women in the workplace and 3 men. 7 women are in this private whatsapp group. They recently invited my friend's husband in. There are approximately 70 to 100 whatsapp messages everyday on there from all the women. Friend's DH hasn't joined in of any of the conversations yet. (Doesn't intend to!)

These 7 women are absolutely slaughtering two other women at work who they don't like. Not just 'she's a bit lazy' or 'she's annoying' or whatever. Really, really nasty stuff. Saying 'she is riddled with nasty venereal diseases,' and 'she's a fucking slag,' and ''I hope she gets hit by a bus. Fucking cunt she is,' and 'she fucks 7 or 8 different men a week.'

My friend's DH who is quite open minded, and not easily shocked, is knocked sideways by these comments. He sees the women - particularly 3 of them who are the worst offenders - through different eyes now. He said he is not keen on the two women they are slating, but this talk is utterly repugnant. My friend has told him to leave the whatsapp group. Not sure if he has yet.

Personally, if I were him, I would be reporting these 7 women to HR. Their behaviour is tantamount to bullying. It's also fucking libellous. I told my friend this, and she said she will have a word with her DH ... Not sure if she has/if she will.

Also. I've been friends with groups of guys who are absolutely awesome, and I also know other groups of guys who are horrible, racist, bigoted, misogynistic, and just absolutely vile.

It is a stupid generalisation to label men or women as amazing or awful. The truth is most people are somewhere in between. Some are great, and some are awful, but most are somewhere in between.

I think if your experience of women and men in social settings has led you to some of the conclusions on here, it probably means you just haven't met many people yet. It's a bit of a never left my small town mentality.
If your women friends talk of nothing but nails and their relationships, you've not spent enough time out in the world to encounter the many witty, insightful, intelligent women who discuss everything from art to politics, science to social injustice.
Conversely, you've obviously been fortunate enough not to encounter the men whose conversational range doesn't extend beyond how much their new car cost; whose 'jokes' are tired and sexist, whose 'banter' is repetitive and banal. Or perhaps you enjoy that.
If your experience has led you to write off female company, I think you're missing out, but each to their own. No one is forcing you to socialise with women.

"Even as adults?? That’s bizarre."

I don't think people stop being cliquey when they reach 18!

It’s true that everyone is different but there are tendencies/generalisations.

The women here who are getting offended and taking the OP personally are perfectly demonstrating her point.

Yeah but constantly having an outcast from a groups of three seems bizarre to me.

The women here who are getting offended and taking the OP personally are perfectly demonstrating her point.
Objecting to half of humanity being branded high-maintenance, bitchy, girly and not as funny or enlightening as the male half of the world doesn't prove the OP's point at all.

It's not about taking it personally. It's about identifying sexist bullshit.

Nah

I am inclined to agree. It is why I would actively avoid all-female settings. The worst job I ever had for excessive "drama", fuss and time-wasting was in an all-female office.
I do have good female friends, but one-to-one works brilliantly and that is sufficient.

I’m not offended. I have heard women as a group referred to in my earshot in far worse terms by men than the OP’s generalisation!

"Yeah but constantly having an outcast from a groups of three seems bizarre to me."

It's not necessarily done on purpose I think. It's kind of what happens with people who form very close bonds. It's difficult for everyone to be in the in group at the same time.

. I am happy in mixed company and have got on perfectly well will with men I have worked with I also have men in my life that I love, but I much prefer the company of women. I find them easier to talk and relate to.